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BioHo and MOG

Aniki-Moderator's picture

So here I am, unexpectedly serving as Mother of the Groom (MOG).

MOB (Bride) pinned on my corsage and hugged me. With one arm around me, she turned to DH and said, “You and your wife have raised an outstanding young man. We are so pleased to have him join our family and hope you will consider our family yours as well.” DH said, “It would be our great privilege, MOB.” (Those lovely manners…) MOB hugged DH and asked if I would like to see the bride. (Yes, of course!)

The bride was beautiful: her dress, hair, everything. The most stunning thing about her: the joy she exuded, knowing she was about to marry SS21. This was going to be a night of countless moments I would regret putting on that stupid mascara to coat my pale lashes.

Bride: Ani! {hug} Your dress is gorgeous! Mom, did you know she sewed that by hand?! Oh, SS gave you your corsage. I’m so glad! {{HUG}}

Ani: Bride, you are absolutely beautiful. I can’t wait to see SS’s face when he sees you.

MOB exclaimed over my dress and said she couldn’t even sew a button back on (not sure I’m buying that…).


And then I found out that SS asking me to be the MOG was not just wearing that corsage. SS21 was escorting me down the aisle and I was sitting in the front pew. ~gulp~ BioHo causing shizzit is the first thing that popped into my mind. Well, I must have done a lousy job of keeping a poker face or the MOB is psychic because she immediately said, with a hint of steel in that Southern drawl, “You needn’t worry yourself. My brother has things well in hand.” NO clue what that meant and wasn’t sure I wanted to know, but there was no time as it WAS time – to start the procession.

Because so many of the guests were the bride’s family or friends of both the bride and groom, guests were seated evenly on both sides of the church, leaving the first two pews empty. I thought I’d be in that groom’s side pew all by myself. Nope.

SS21 and I entered from the back…. And there was ‘Ho’s mother, sitting, Mr. Pinhead in the process of sitting… and BioHo looking right at us.

Evil Aniki is pleased to say that ‘Ho’s dress was a disaster. She had on what I can only describe as “old lady sandals” with 2” clunky heels and wide straps. The dress was sleeveless and fitted. The problem is that ‘Ho has rolls and the waistband of that dress was too tight, so the waist was actually hiked up under her boobs and looked like a poorly designed maternity dress. Oy.

Okay, ‘Ho wasn’t just looking at us. She was bloody well GLARING.

‘Ho: HEY! ~all eyes turned~ What the f*ck… (in church, no less)

And a well-chiseled man with a military crew cut and an icy demeanor stood up from the pew in front of her, took ‘Ho by the elbow, and spoke quietly into her ear. Her mouth fell open, she looked up at him and his steely jaw, closed her mouth, and nodded. He let go of her elbow and indicated she should sit. And damn if he didn’t sit right next to her. Oh how I wanted to LMAO!

SS21 escorted me down the aisle and seated me on the groom’s side, then walked back. (BTW, 'Ho was sitting in the last pew on the bride's side!) To my surprise, the MOB and FOB (after he walked the bride down the aisle) joined me. MOB whispered that they hoped I didn’t mind, but they didn’t want me to sit alone and the minister’s wife and son would sit on the bride’s side. I whispered back that it was so kind and thoughtful and I very much appreciated it.

Enter the minister, the groom, and his men. With DH as Best Man and standing right next to SS21, there was no question they were father and son. Standing straight and tall, handsome as could be, and smiling the same smile. Both even had their heads tilted slightly to the left. <3

When his bride came down the aisle, SS21 looked like he was about to burst. You could tell he thought her the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Their joy was tangible. When they read their vows, every bridesmaid was openly crying. MOB squeezed my hand and we both had to dab our eyes with our fingertips (we later exclaimed how neither of us brought tissues). When they were pronounced man and wife, the bride flung her arms around her new husband in delight. He kissed her 3 times. It was adorable and they were unquestionably radiant!  

I’ll cut things a little short. ‘Ho, her mother, and Mr. Pinhead did not come through the receiving line. Seems MOB’s brother escorted them out the side door.

My role as MOG continued as SS21 said I would absolutely be in pictures. So the pictures of the happy couple with the groom’s parents? DH and me. I was in all family pics. (I imagine Spawn reported that back to 'Ho...)

Spawn was a junior bridesmaid. SD28 and BD drove her to the reception. ‘Ho, her mother, and Mr. Pinhead were all there at a table in the back; ‘Ho looking around with a surly expression on her mug. MOB’s brother was standing against the wall, 3 feet from ‘Ho’s table, sipping water. As soon as ‘Ho spotted Spawn, she barked, “SPAWN! We’re leaving. NOW!!” And being her mother’s daughter, Spawn curled her lip at ‘Ho, flipped her the bird, and walked out the door. “That little b!tch! I’m gonna…” MOB’s brother once again had ‘Ho by the elbow. “LEAVE. Happy to show y’all to the door, ma’am. ~to ‘Ho’s mother~ "Ma’am, may I escort you?” He opened her walker and held her arm to steady her, then cupped her elbow and walked her out, speaking pleasantries to her. “That was a beautiful wedding. We all love your grandson. He’s a fine young man…” ‘Ho and Mr. Pinhead followed silently, although the mega downturn of ‘Ho’s mouth and her narrowed eyes spoke volumes.

And now that Satan’s handmaiden had left the building, let the celebration commence!

The newlyweds had their own table. DH and I sat with SD28 and family, SS18, and one of the groomsmen and his wife (she and I hit it off at the rehearsal dinner).

I wish I had words to describe the bride and groom’s first dance. I thought they’d be cheek-to-cheek, but they danced slightly apart. It puzzled me…until they started singing to each other. All through that dance, looking into each other’s eyes, they sang. MOB, who was at the next table, and I looked at each other and held up empty hands. NO TISSUES!

Then the bride danced with her father, I thought FOB’s face was going to split open, he was smiling so broadly. He danced exuberantly with his only daughter, twirling her until she laughed. The groom and MOB danced much more sedately.

During that dance, I stepped away to get some club soda. When I returned, I saw the bride leading a grinning DH to the dance floor. And SS21 standing next to our table.

SS: ~holding out his hand~ Ani, would you honor me with this dance?

Ani: I’d love to, SS. Thank you. ~farking mascara~

Here I am, looking up at the smiling face of this handsome young man, seeing my DH at this age, and remembering the pudgy little boy I met 11 years ago.

Ani: When I first met you, I never thought I’d be dancing at your wedding 11 years later.

SS: When I first met you I was terrified!

Ani: Was I so scary?

SS: Kinda. You were the only one Dad introduced us to after the divorce and we were scared things would change.

Ani: Ah. Well, they did change.

SS: For the best. I’m sorry about the times I was a little sh!t.

Ani: I’m sorry about the times I was a big sh!t. ~we laughed~

SS: For real though, Dad’s the happiest I’ve seen him since you.

Ani: I love him. He deserves to be happy. And you, SS. You’re the happiest I’ve ever seen.

SS: ~huge grin~ She’s great!

Ani: Yes, she is.

SS: Ani… Thank you.

Ani: For what??

SS: For being my mom. Even when you didn’t know you were.

Ani: ~choking out~ You’re welcome.

SS: I love you, Ani.

Ani: I love you, too. ~he hugged me~ {that freaking mascara!}


Suffice to say, the rest of the evening was a bit of a blur and you’ll find it anticlimactic. DH and I danced several times. Mr. I’m-Not-Romantic? Held my hand over his heart each time we danced. We talked and laughed with the kids and ate cake that I don’t remember tasting. MOB and I chatted about the newlyweds and sewing and the youngest grandskid fell asleep on my lap. When we headed ‘home’ for the evening, even though it was not at all *my* night, I felt a bit like Cinderella, complete with my prince and glass slippers.

We had lunch with all of the kids/grandkids on Saturday. SD28 and family hit the road for home. SS18 decided to go with them since they had some sightseeing planned. Sunday was beautiful. And hot! But we spent the entire day with the newlyweds. They took us on some touristy activities, and the evening ended with a late dinner over which we lingered. Mrs. SS and I walked along the river, arm in arm while DH and SS21 yakked over some historical stuff and she brought up ‘Ho.

Mrs: Y’know, I thought it was me.

Ani: You?

Mrs: Why BioHo has been acting up. (such a delicate way to put it) I thought she didn’t like me.

Ani: Oh, no. You did nothing wrong. BioHo is an unhappy person. It is NOT you.

 Mrs. Thank you for all you’ve done.

Ani: Well, I really haven’t done anything.

Mrs: Yes, you have. You made SS happy and THAT is everything. You’re a wonderful lady, Ani.

Ani: Thank you so much, Mrs. You are, too. SS is blessed to have you.

Mrs. We feel the same about you.


The next day, while we were driving home, Mrs sent me a text thanking me “for such a lovely day” and asked if she could keep in touch regularly. Of course I said Yes.

Thus far, all has been quiet. ‘Ho hasn’t contacted DH. No one sent me spring-loaded glitter in the mail. If she’s contacted the kids, they have not mentioned it.


But SD25’s wedding is in 5+ months…


advice.only2's picture

Aniki that is truly an amazing story, and I am so glad MOB had her brother keep Ho in check...maybe she could rent him out for SD25's upcoming wedding.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

If only! I later found out he's a retired Marine. He and DH got along like a house on fire!

Things would have to change drastically. 'Ho pretty much took over the planning of SD25's wedding (SD mentioned to 'Ho that I said I'd help with a few little things). Weeks ago, when 'Ho claimed she was sitting in the back at SS's wedding She then bragged how she would be front and center at SD's. Maybe I should get some bear repellent...

The_Upgrade's picture

Ho is hands down the nuttiest BM on this site (I still can't get over the wine bottle lobbed at a head!!). And yet every single skid that DH had a hand in raising turned out decent. There were years when the PAS was strong and they were downright awful. But reading through your stories and the stories of others, the only difference that stood out was how your DH handled them. I am so glad for you. You deserve every bit of happiness coming your way.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

The wine bottle lobbing is nothing compared to the Stomping of the Laptop!

When Spawn's father dumped 'Ho and left the state, 'Ho tried to get DH to Spawn-sit. Regularly. He did a handful of times, then said No More because she was horribly behaved and impossible to control (and not his to discipline). And then 'Ho stopped asking after Spawn referred to DH as 'Dada'. 'Ho's response per SD28... "He's NOT your f*ckin' daddy!!"

Thank you so much, The_Upgrade. The crap years were worth it!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That is fantastic that SS feels the way he does about you and doesn't care what Ho thinks. Also a great idea they had with having MOB's brother there to keep Ho controlled and not allow her to make a scene. It is wonderful that you got the appreciation you deserve and were able to be such a part in SS's day. Really sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders and his wife is equally as strong so that's awesome. Congrats to them and hopefully SD's wedding doesn't allow Ho's drama to take over either.

So I don't know if you saw anything about my cousin who is getting married and how my DH and I are not going to be attending this wedding for several reasons. Well my cousin's BM is also crazy and always wanting to be the center of attention. Apparently she has also taken the microphone and sung at both my parent's and my aunt/uncle's wedding when she was still married to my uncle and made this big spectacle. Both her and my uncle have been remarried and they have been divorced 15 years. Hopefully my cousin or his stb wife thinks about a similar protocall to keep her in check during their wedding. My cousin is not nearly as strong as your SS though and I gurantee will give into alot of her antics and requests/demands.

I am just so glad that the dreaded behavior by BM was not tolerated by anyone at any of the festivities!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I did not ask whose idea it was to have a 'Ho handler, but I'm so thankful! While Mrs and I were walking and talking, DH and SS were also talking. About 'Ho. SS plans to send her Christmas and birthday cards. No texts, no emails, no calls. 'Ho kept saying SS owes her an apology? Ha. She went out of her way to try and ruin his wedding and all of the events leading up to it. 

Oh good grief! What IS it with these people who have to make someone else's event about "Meeeeee!"? Ish.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

can't get drama from someone opening a card, but a text and phone call opens the gate for the drama to seep through. I am happy Ho was unable to ruin this for your SS and his wife, that is just horrible to try and do that to anyone, let alone your own son.

I couldn't tell you because I have never been like that to say the least.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Agreed, that's for the best. And after her despicable behavior, there is no question (for normal people) as to who owes who an apology.

Sadly, I doubt 'Ho will ever see it that way. Her children should do what she wants and do things her way or they are in the wrong. SMH

Kes's picture

A wonderful story, beautifully told by you - glad everything turned out well - special thanks to MOB's brother Wink So pleased you had such a great time! 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

So am I, Kes! Wish I could post a picture of that man. He speaks, you listen! lol

caninelover's picture

It sounds so wonderful.  How great that someone was assigned to 'handle' Ho!!!

Congratulations, it sounds like a wonderful day.  I feel like I just finished watching some big tear-jerker on the Hallmark channel.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Too bad we couldn't have him there for family photos. But then I might have missed her big splash! LOL

I miss the Hallmark channel! Had it years ago, but it was a premium channel and much too much to pay for a single channel. 

Watereddown's picture

Satan's handmaiden.. *lol*

Aniki I read your blogs over the years and you've been through the wringer and you keep pushing on. You're a class act lady. Taking the high road isn't easy but you're an inspiration to do that.

bananaseedo's picture

Lovely, just absolutely lovely ending to what Satan's handmaid tried to destroy, and yet didn't win.  So awesome all around for you, DH and SS and bride.   What a beautiful time you all had despite bm's demonic self.  I'm so glad they had someone to control her.  I wish I knew what he whispered to her nasty skanky as*.

Beautiful finale lady!!  

bananaseedo's picture

So during reception, were they escorted out against their will for misbehaving again or they voluntarily left?  Wasn't clear I understood. I really hope SD changes her mind about bm's involvement after seeing what she did to SS.  

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Apparently, 'Ho had no plans to stay for the reception and was only waiting on Spawn to arrive after wedding photos were done. MOB's brother was effective in keeping her trap closed!

SD25? She and fiance left after family photos and were not at the wedding. No idea if any of her siblings told her what happened. Although she may get a skewed version from 'Ho...

BethAnne's picture

That's two days in a row you've made me cry with your blogs! I'm glad that you were recognised for being the amazing person that you are. 

Merry's picture

Oh goodness, my new mascara is running. Maybe I need to switch brands?

Fantastic day for you, Ani. And well deserved. And that Marine Ho-Handler is a fabulous guy. He deserves a best supporting role award.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I was wearing a new brand and it held up remarkably well. Glossier Lash Slick.

Thank you! And yes, he does! I'd like to set up the Marine Ho-Handler with a friend of mine!

Wicked stepmo.'s picture

Thank you for sharing, I teared up a little reading it, sounds like an absolutely beautiful wedding. MOB should rent her brother out for stepfamily events I would have loved to have seen the interaction between him and BioHo. 

Aniki-Moderator's picture

It was so beautiful. They wrote their own vows. SS21 is his father's son in the romance department, but he surprised us all and hit a grand slam!

I just want to know what he said to shut her up! LOL

grannyd's picture

Aw, Ani!

Fortunately, I had lots of Kleenex on hand while I enjoyed your evocative, deeply romantic post. (grannyd sighs with contentment.) Karma, my dear; you deserve every accolade and more.

Winterglow's picture

Aniki, we often hear about fathers on here who throw their aprons over their heads and declare they cannot parent their kids because they only have them part-time and they can do nothing to correct what they learn at their mother's ... Well, you and your DH are proof that it CAN be done and I applaud the pair of you!

And what a lovely wedding! I think you're going to get along just fine with the MOB in the future!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Winterglow, he was a Disney Dad in the beginning because of BioHo's shenanigans and concern over the kids being COD. SO thankful he got past that!

I think so, too.  Biggrin

TheAccidentalSM's picture

That was beyond lovely.  I'm so glad that despite all your earlier stresses pre the event it turned out better than you could have ever imagined.

More tears of joy when read this blog today.

And can I say MOB sounds like a character from Steel Magnolias.  Super impressive lady with great skills in planning and strategic warfare.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

TASM, I figured 'Ho would be a pita, but not that she would be so bloody awful!

I have never seen Steel Magnolias. Must check that out. 

TheBrightSide's picture

SS: Ani… Thank you.

Ani: For what??

SS: For being my mom. Even when you didn’t know you were.