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If it’s not one thing…

cpreston's picture

It’s another, right?

My step-daughter’s getting married in July

The bridal shower – the maid of honor originally contacted me about planning, etc… I didn’t want to step on anyones toes, so I told her that I’d be happy to (anonymously) contribute, but did she talk to SD’s mom yet?
(“horseface” as DH calls her, is a recovering from drug and alcohol addiction, she is currently out of work living an hour and a half away and has no vehicle or drivers license)

I was torn, because I REALLY wanted to be involved in the shower plans, but knew that if the MOH and I made plans, that “horseface” would have her feelings hurt, and for the sake of my SD, don’t want that to be a problem

MOH came up with a cute idea, to send out recipe cards with the invitations, and ask the guests to bring their treasured family recipes to share as a part of each guests “gift” to the bride to be… sweet right?

Well, “Horseface” calls DH and tells him that she’s going to call his sisters and ask them for their Grandmothers and Mother’s recipes….
What makes this even more crappy to me, is that when she left, she TOOK the recipe cards that belonged to DH’s mother (who’s passed on) the cards had Hand written “Grandmother” recipes on them, as well as some of her own


DH called one of his sisters to give her a heads up and she said that she’d tell “horseface” to go pound salt… in a nice way

Then I get a text message from “Horseface” asking me if I could find one of DH’s mother’s recipes and give it to her
REALLY??? I texted back “I don’t think we have that one, sorry”
What the hell else am I gonna say?

It’s bad enough that I’m all up in the air (STILL) about what my “ROLE” is here… what am I going to wear? Where do I sit during the ceremony??

I feel guilty for being so “weird” about this… I’m bottling it up, because the last thing I want is there to be stress for my SD, she’s a great person and I just love her to death and I don’t want her to have any “weirdness” on her mind about the whole “step” thing

“horseface” also has tattoos, up and down her arms, shoulders and on her neck, so in order to cover some of these, she is getting the most heinous, matronly, inappropriate for July wedding, Mother of the Bride dress I’ve ever seen, it’s this ugly two tone dark taupe/grey/brown color with dark brown on the bottom…

And basically I’m feeling like I’m supposed to “wear beige and shut up” as the Step-Mom of the bride, I'm feeling like I don't really HAVE a role, that I'm SUPPOSED to just let the deadbeat Horseface flit around and be the doting "Mother of the Bride"
she left her kids with my husband when they were all stil pretty young, SD was the oldest and she just got into high school... she used to try to tell SD how much she would like the new "Boyfriend"
how sick and twisted... but that's in the PAST... we have to let that stay there and let her SHINE as the clean/sober MOTHER OF THE BRIDE!!
(cough, cough, cough)

so, I found a really NICE dress, I think it’ll look good on me (I’m a size 12, some clothes just don’t look good on me, like they would on a thinner person) I can get it in ANY color I want, it’s a tea-length, which I think would be appropriate for ME to wear, (as Step-Mom) but it’s dressier than the full length thing that Horseface is wearing and I’m not SUPPOSED to be dressier, right?

Someone tell me to just let it go!... I know I’m supposed to just let it go, we cut the check, we went to the tastings, we gave our input on what we liked food wise and when SD asked us who the “Must haves” were for the invitations, we told her immediate family, beyond that it’s all up to you

talk me down off the crazy ledge, because I'm getting ready to jump in with both feet

twopines's picture

Breathe breathe breathe. Please try to not worry! Wear what you think will look good on you. I wore a navy blue dress to SS30's August wedding. Trust me, no one cared what I wore, lol. All the focus was on the bride and groom. I sat with my husband. Easy peasy.

20 plus's picture

I wore a black dress and announced that I didn't want to "step on any mom's" toes. I figured who could argue with that...of course BM was mad. It's not my fault she wore a blue long sleeve table cloth looking dress in August. Pick what you like BM will be pissed no matter what.

Also SD wedding venue was used to blended families and handled everything nice. My DH walked me down the isle after all guests were seated and circled back for SD while MOG BM and all the rest of the wedding went. It was nice and we sat in the second row. I don't think SD would have cared if I was treated nice just happens the place was used to it.

sixteensmom's picture

Mostly, try to relax and not over think everything. I'm an over thinker too, it's just not worth it. People won't remember what you or mob wore. They'll remember your character and kindness, or lack thereof. Don't let it be the latter. You'll do fine. You're thoughtful and you care. Do the right thing in your mind and just know that 90 percent of people would never have thought of it without being told it was a dilemma... Let go.

cpreston's picture

Thanks, all… maybe the whole “recipe card” incident put me over the top. I don’t know, I was starting to feel like I was going nuts with all the crap floating around in my head
@CheriWilson, you described my dress to a “T” (KIDDING!) I’m a bit of the modest type, so the dress reflects that… (while still having a bit of a “summery” feel to it, I think I’m going for a champagne-ish color…
My SD is a beautiful girl and her husband to be is strikingly handsome! Her dress is just gorgeous… so you’re right, all eyes will be on THEM for sure