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SD's 19yo BOYFRIEND DEMANDING WE PAY

up2myiballs's picture

I recently took the reins and told the SD I was not paying for OUT OF STATE TUITION (entitled adult stepchildren)where her boyfriend was also going. I did tell her I would pay for one more semester of IN STATE TUITION. I needed to share this is the letter the BF wrote to my DH:

> I thought we agreed that from our phone call on you were going to talk to your daughter like an adult. You, personally, as her biological father.
>
> Do you understand that you owe her this money? You left there family and you ruined her childhood. You owe her this money as someone who did all that and as someone who is trying to be a decent person on this planet.
>
> This is how this is working. You owe (BD). So where ever you get that money from isnt of her concern. If you take it from (your wife) than (your wife) should be yelling at you to pay her back. If you dont want to deal with that, then go to a bank a take out a loan.
>
> Thanks for ruining ANOTHER week of (BD’s) life when you could have been an adult and picked up the goddamn phone.

hereiam's picture

I said if before and I'll say it again, the BF needs his ass kicked. Seriously, who does he think he is?

Tell him to eff off.

up2myiballs's picture

I just spent 23$ on checkwrite serices to find out the BF's parents address. I was thinking of sending the BF's Father a card with the BF's insolent email attached and ask him if these are manners he instilled in his son. I like to take care of messes without getting dirty. Maybe BF"S Father could help me out? My DH says it's over the top. What do you think?

up2myiballs's picture

"It seems like you are trying to present a united front to the rest, and that is only as good as your DH is willing to be honest with you. If he is cutting deals behind your back, it just makes you look controlling."
These words ARE so true.

HOPE....... IS THE ONLY THING STRONGER THAN FEAR.

Amber Miller's picture

I agree. I would love to kick his ass for you. I would be horrified if I found out that one of my boys spoke like this to a girlfriends father. What an ass this guy is. I hope they don't get married someday.

overworkedmom's picture

Oh no he didn't!!! Oh my. I would not be able to contain or controlled what my very next move would have been which would have included stopping any future payments on tuition and or loans. I would have taken back any car that was given as well as canceled any CC or any other financial help. I also would have told her little boyfriend to go to hell.

"owed", "deserves"-- my ass!

PLEASE tell me what your Dh did!!

hereiam's picture

Years ago, OSD's BF tried getting all bad ass with my husband and DH just laughed his ass off (instead of punching him in the throat, which he probably would have done in his younger days).

The BF did not know what to do with that. He just looked at DH, not understanding why he wasn't intimidated. Um, because you are a punk? He never tried it again. What a loser.

If your SD's BF is so damned concerned about her, HE should pay for her schooling. And how he gets the money is of no concern to you or your DH.

kathc's picture

What an entitled little asshole! I'm sure, somewhere, he has a SM who had to deal with him being a demanding little jerk while he was "growing up". Please tell us your DH has NO intentions of paying! The only response, although I think it should be ignored, but if he responds it should just be, "I do not negotiate with terrorists."

ybarra357's picture

"This is how this is working. You owe (BD). So where ever you get that money from isnt of her concern. If you take it from (your wife) than (your wife) should be yelling at you to pay her back. If you dont want to deal with that, then go to a bank a take out a loan."

The boyfriend can scream and have kittens till he knocks himself out...LOL!!! But seriously if he keeps it it up - no contact order...

ctnmom's picture

hahahahahaha!!!! I would wipe my ass with the letter (making sure I had eaten at Taco Bell that day) , and send it back to him. Seriously , if he persists in contacting you guys just ignore ignore ignore. Not worth another thought- unless it's for a good chuckle.

tryingmom's picture

I'd have DH set this Boyo straight....WTF does he think he is?

This is how it works....stay the F out of someone else's business and wallet.

up2myiballs's picture

Too little too late. The deadline has pass because of SD's pride to accept anything from me. She really thought "Daddy" would cave, as in the past.
My therapist taught me this lesson, worth every dime I paid--the reason of their nasty answers is to make you uncomfortable and quit pressing the issue. Because you don't move forward is YOUR problem. They won. NOW I preface the sentence with, I know this is going to piss you off, but......
LIBERATING!

up2myiballs's picture

The SD let the offer expire. Our hands are wiped clean--NO MORE $$$$. It was the day of the expiration that the bf sent this FU email. At first, we couldn't believe our eyes. Obviously his actions only made him out to be an idiot. I have enjoyed sharing this email with our friends. They too were completely disgusted.
The BM as I said, surely coached her little darling, not allowing the new wife to have any such power over the financial aid. So as I said, BM f***** herself because BM just lost her job and now she has to pay for it all. I'm sure the BD with her "her (SM) words hurt me Daddy" surely thinking he would cave as before. BUT......he didn't.
Yesterday, the BM sends an email saying that instate tuition is this much and she has a rent lease at the Out of State College that she is paying for and registration and insurance for BM's car are due this month. She wanted HIM to send money.
Our note sent to BM, SD, SS, started, "As you all know, SD refused the offer which also benefited you (BM)." Bottom line he told everyone, that there are consequences to their actions and they own them now. We did post the bf's email at the end of this note, just in case they didn't see it. Along with "BM, there is no reason for you to contact me again."
I was glad that he stood up for me, but the victory is bittersweet because no one really won.

sandye21's picture

Good for you and DH. BF's letter and BM's demands sound like someone was desperate. You wrote that the BF is going to an out-of-State college. I hope one of his courses is in grammar. Maybe another one in proper letter writing.

Igiveupsotornupinside's picture

That sounds just like my SD19's boyfriend is or was towards us before the disengagement. Only she wasn't going to college, we just were to owe her that money because money does buy love according to her and her boyfriend...selfish entitled brats they are. Our thought to them, how about getting a JOB and working?! Maybe quit the drugs so you have money to spare? No, that would be too easy huh?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

This guy's levels of grandiosity and entitlement are through the roof even when viewed against the background of a pretty disgustingly entitled generation. I wonder if you were to reach out to his daddy, he would jump to his son's defense. It's their parents who make them what they are: a bunch of self-absorbed whiners.

DH and I started watching the HBO show Girls tonight. It is the anti-Sex and the City - the next, younger, generation of 20-something women in NYC. They are not glamourous, not funny and not even employed. The entitled attitude of Lena Dunham's character, who is being disconnected from financial life support by her bio-parents at the age of 24, 2 years after college, was so pathetic that i wanted to go throw up. I was really having a physical reaction to it, so much so that DH was surprised. It's the skids' fault! Can't stand this shit.

The show does not seem to condone the entitlement but chronicles it pretty faithfully.

ltman's picture

Awwwww, SD done got her a knight in shining email. You guys don't know what kind of bs she's told him.

What you should do is publish the bf's email here and let us reply to him. Hehehe

Rags's picture

Time to shred this little bastard and bare his ass as the insolent POS that he is. Send the email to his daddy and advise daddy-oh that he get his spawn under control. As for SD, tell her if she does not purge this insolent little POS from her life immediately she is cut off and can fund her own education where ever she choses to attend. According to her BF she is an adult so she can step up and be an adult.

If I were your DH I would take a trip to daughters university, take her out to dinner and when POS BF shows up I would give him every opportunity and instigation to get lippy and bow up on me then I would kick his ass and stick him with the bill for dinner.

But, that is just me.

SugarSpice's picture

at 19, sd boyfriend is an adult. a young adult with an inflated opinion of his importance, but an adult nevertheless.

i would ignore him.

replying would give him more importance than he is worth. if he feels so obligated to be a champion for the sd, let him marry her and support her.

really? who does he think he is to order you to pay? entitled sd and even more entitled sd boyfriend.