entitled adult stepchildren
I DIDN’T SIGN UP FOR THIS!
I don’t have children. Now, in my late 50’s, I married my new H in 2010, who has two adult children; his BS 21, and his BD 18. Pre-nup, I agreed to HELP pay for in state tuition (bachelors degree’s) for both, only after setting the standard that his oldest son realize that the vacation of “DAD” (full room and board in a nice apartment etc. for the last 4 years it took him to get an associate’s degree at a community college) was coming to an end. (That’s another story) For his son, I agreed to help pay for two more years at an in state university. The same agreement goes for his BD; four years in state college with all the accoutrements.
After 2 years at a community college, his BD announces, without Dad’s input, that she is going to an OUT OF STATE University to finish her last two year for her teaching certificate since her boyfriend just started there with a scholarship for La Crosse. NOW, tuition has gone from 3.5K to 10K! Dad says nothing so as not to “rock the boat”, fearing loss of love.
NOW, after being married for 3.5 years, I finally met the 21 yo SD the last day of her second semester at her out of state University. While getting the college town tour, the SD nonchalantly states that she doesn’t have enough credits to graduate next spring, and has to take another semester. That’s another 20K making her teaching certificate schooling cost over 120K all together! Oh I forgot the sorority as well, another 2500$.
The money my H saved in the IRA 529 for the SD was already gone. Unbeknown to me, he used 30K of MY business’s money to pay for her last three semesters! I know—stupid me! Then she sends a text asking for an extra 200$ so she could get tickets to the football game because BM is having a hard time with money and the BM couldn’t afford it.
WTF! No more of me enabling my H to save his face! ENOUGH is enough!
Not wanting to strand the SD, I sent the SD an adult to adult email stating the facts…. Your IRA 528 was spent. Dad’s money is gone and I can’t afford to pay another 20K for your school. I WILL pay for the full amount, 7K, for one semester of in state tuition, plus $400 for expenses, but nothing for lodging.“ I suggested she move back with her BM or get a job to pay for her rent. That way BM would have a semester to get back on her feet since she just lost her job. The SD had 30 days to accept my offer.
The SD sends an email to “Daddy” saying she had no idea that I was paying for her school, and it was unnecessary for me to step in and make her out to be an inconsiderate naïve child. “Her words really hurt me Daddy.” Being hamstrung, my H knowing that my offer was VERY equitable told her that was the offer and “it is what it is.”
THEN….SD’s 19yo boyfriend sends my H this letter:
> I thought we agreed that from our phone call on you were going to talk to your daughter like an adult. You, personally, as her biological father.
> Do you understand that you owe her this money? You left there family and you ruined her childhood. You owe her this money as someone who did all that and as someone who is trying to be a decent person on this planet.
> This is how this is working. You owe (BD) money. So where ever you get that money from isnt of her concern. If you take it from your wife than your wife should be yelling at you to pay her back. If you dont want to deal with that, then go to a bank a take out a loan.
> Thanks for ruining ANOTHER week of (BD’s) life when you could have been an adult and picked up the goddamn phone.>>
I COULDN’T BELIEVE MY EYES!
Nonetheless, the SD thought Daddy would cave and she would get her way. I’m certain the toxic BM had input on the SD’s email to her “Daddy”. The BM being financially strapped, f***** herself AND her BD. I was trying to prevent the “student loan” dilemma, and give BM a chance to get her finances in order so she could cover the EXTRA semester.
Now, I have so much resentment, I could care less if I NEVER saw my H’s BD again. I recently busted his BS for his emotional blackmail and insolence and rude bulls*** he’s pulled on me. So now it’s them, my H, his BD, and BS… against me.
I didn’t sign up for this!!!!!!