Telling your kid NO is bad for their mental health

At least, that's what SD21 claims.

She called DH asking him for college tuition. DH is almost as broke as I am and cannot help her this semester. SD lost her sh!t when he told her he didn't have any money. Why? Because she doesn't want to have student loans.

I'm sure I'm going to SM He!! because I don't think he owed her any bloody explanation other than "I cannot help this time." A friend of mine (whose daughter is friends with SD) emailed me a copy of her FB rant. Boo-fackin-hoo, SD21. You go on and on about what an ADULT you are. Guess what? Paying your own bills is part of life. It ain't all sunshine and rainbows and sparkly unicorn farts. Get used to it.

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I can't believe how entitled

I can't believe how entitled she can be. Really, I had to pay my own way. My oldest BS paid his own way, he did receive a partial grant. My Middle BS is in the military and will be using his GI BILL. My youngest BS will get some grants and and student loans.

I am not under any obligation to pay for college for them. Their BF isn't either.

Yep. DH is not under any

Yep. DH is not under any obligation to pay for college, either. He's done it because he WANTED to and could AFFORD to do so. Now he cannot and SD is having a hissy fit about it.

SD thinks that college should be FREE - failing to comprehend that NOTHING is free and that taxpayers get stuck with the burden. She is also PO'd that PrincASS got paid for bootcamp. In her opinion, SHE should be paid to go to school and he should get nothing for making the choice to serve his country.

I'm sorry what? Him, going

I'm sorry what? Him, going through training FOR HIS JOB. and possibly putting his life at risk, TO KEEP EVERYONE SAFE. Shouldn't get monetary compensation??? Yet her, going to school, to idk, maybe get a job one day, maybe... And she should get paid just to have some college life? Are you f***ing kidding me??? How does her brother feel about this? Because I think I would be pissed as s***.

But she's a child of divorce,

But she's a child of divorce, she is SPECIAL!!

Oh, she's special alright...

Oh, she's special alright... }:)

LOL...Child of divorce being

LOL...Child of divorce being special.

My Middle BS tried to inform his teacher that he was having problems in school because his parents divorce. He was in 10th grade, we divorced when he was in 1st grade. He was so disappointed when I went to the school and told the teacher that he was more than capable of doing the work and he did NOT get a free pass by being a child of divorce. Of course, he was informed the same when I got home.

My father was killed at work when I was 4 years old. My mom informed me that I did not get a free pass because my father died and I was raised by a single mom. I was the only child in my class at school that was raised by a single mom. The other parents were married still to each other. I think one child's parents were divorced.

We give children of divorce

We give children of divorce too much freedom. It's understandable that they will have struggles and times where things are hard, such as major events, but they have to learn how to function in every day life.

On top of that being a child of divorce or having a single parent in general isn't that uncommon now. Given it sucks but married parents aren't always white picket fence prefect.

Every child has an excuse if you want to look deep enough.

I know some people who WISH

I know some people who WISH their parents had divorced! The tension, the fighting... awful environment.

Raises hand I BEGGED my mom

*Raises hand*

I BEGGED my mom to divorce my father when I was 14. Nope she waited till I was 25. THANKS MOM.

Honestly I'm a poster child for why you don't stay together for the kids. It really warped my view of what marriage was. I went through hell with my first husband because "if my parents can stay together then so can I." After their divorce I really saw what I was going through and I realized I didn't want to be my mother.

SO talks about how things were when he and BM where together and I feel bad that the kids had to see that stuff. I'm glad they don't anymore and I work hard to make sure they NEVER see that kind of stuff with me and their father. They see us disagree but it doesn't end with dad having a bloody nose at least.

Oh, yes, the things kids see.

Oh, yes, the things kids see. A friend of mine put off divorcing his wife because of their 2 kids. He begged her to go to counseling (he was going), but she refused. So, no divorce. Until the night their 5 YEAR OLD came running downstairs to say, "Mommy, stop screaming at Daddy! Just get divorced!!!" 5 years old.

That was 12 years ago. His daughter is now 17, a straight-A student, has a part-time job, and one of the most delightful young ladies I have ever met. Her brother is 15, an A-B student, and a real tiger on the ice (hockey), just like his Dad. Their parents, who SUCKED at being married, are friendly (tho' not friends) and make the effort to be pleasant for the sake of children. Period. Dot. They both realize they spent waaaaay too much time fighting to make a life with someone they, at the time, despised and resented. Now, everyone is happy. INCLUDING THE CHILDREN OF DIVORCE!!

Sadly this is the world we

Sadly this is the world we live in.

More than a few parents truly believe telling a child no will harm them long term.
More than a few also feel it is their obligation to pay for college.

It amazed me to find out how many people have that second one written into CO's. Really? I knew in 6th grade my parents weren't going to pay a penny for my college. They also made it clear that it would be up to me complete if I went or not.

Now we have this expectation that parents will pay and everyone will go. It's destroying the value of a degree.

As for parents never telling kids no. That's why we have so many children with scurvy. Yep the pirates illness is impacting children because parents aren't making their kids eat a piece of fruit now and then. Nope you can have nothing but chicken nuggets, fish sticks, and high processed pizza for every single meal.

No one tells little Billy he's not allowed to do something because "it will ruin his creativity". I'm sorry I don't want him to be creative with markers on my walls.

DFTT, everything you said,

DFTT, everything you said, hon. Every single thing.

BTW, a friend of mine told me her grandson's preschool teacher caught flack from "little Billy's Mommy" for telling him that we do not draw on the walls with our POO-POO. :?

And I bet you "little Billy's

And I bet you "little Billy's Mommy" would also have been ticked off if she founds out the teacher allowed little billy to whip dog poop of his shoes because GERMS!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously that is disturbing and a big sign of some sort of mental health issue.

Yep, it is sadly the world we

Yep, it is sadly the world we are in now! I was also amazed to find out that BM had in the CO that SO had to pay $50 a month to SD's college fund (and I'm pretty sure BM isn't required to contribute at all -wtf?!?!). Anyways, I know that $50 isn't a huge amount but my kids aren't getting that. My parents also made it known that they wouldn't be paying for college and that it was up to me. Just like I keep telling my BS (same age as SD) that he needs to keep up his grades and do well in school and work on scholarships to help him with tuition.

SO also never wants to tell SD no. He has no problem telling our mutual son NO or my son no but when it comes to SD he can't seem to do it. I have no problem telling her NO though! LOL! Kids need to hear NO! They shouldn't get everything they want handed to them. That is why SD is so spoiled and entitled! Ugh!

No not telling them no is bad

No not telling them no is bad for their mental health. Student Loan programs are lightyears ahead of where they were 10 years ago when I took them out. Not perfect by any stretch but my sister just worked her way through RN school by only taking the courses she could afford to pay OOP when she could afford to do it, while working 3 jobs to finance them.

Tis' life.

But, mommadukes, it's not

But, mommadukes, it's not FAIR that SD should have to pay a DIME!!! ~whining voice~

This makes me wish my parents

This makes me wish my parents had divorced so they could have been forced to pay for my college.

moving_on_again....if your

moving_on_again....if your parents are like mine the divorce wouldn't have forced them to pay for your college either I am a poor little COD and was never coddled and didn't get my college paid for and yet I still managed to move out at 18 and support myself and find well paying jobs! CRAZY!!!!

They were like yours. They

They were like yours. They said, "Good luck!"

LOL, exactly, the entitlement

LOL, exactly, the entitlement going on with kids these days is out of control. I do my best to let my kids know that they aren't entitled to anything, life is hard, and you have to work for what you want....oh and life isn't FAIR either! I get so irritated with SO decides he has to make things FAIR for SD when we have her...really?!?! SD isn't entitled to the last effing pop tart b/c she didn't eat any over the weekend (seriously something he was talking about last night). SD wanted a pop tart before dinner and there were 2 left and she deserved 1 b/c she didn't have any over the weekend (mmmkay)....then on the way to drop her off to BM he realized she didn't have it after dinner and actually brought it up to her...why?!?! She won't be back for 2 days and she obviously forgot about it. I guess she asked him to save it for her until she got back! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO it is a effing pop tart! I plan on eating it tomorrow whether I really want it or not just because! LOL!

Favorite saying from growing

Favorite saying from growing up:

Life isn't fair and then you die. Suck it up.

LOL

Omg.....that one is really

Omg.....that one is really bad. It's a freaking pop tart.

But I'm sure it's a

But I'm sure it's a limited-edition pop tart that cannot be purchased until there is a month with 2 full moons and the pansexual high priestess sacrifices a black widow spider AND stirs a pumpkin spice latte with an original light saber from the 1977 Star Wars movie!!!

LMAO, nope, not even a

LMAO, nope, not even a limited edition flavor! Thankfully, my SO must have forgotten by the next visit or just not cared that she wanted it b/c he ate it! The fact that she really expected him to save a pop tart for her for days was what bothered me. Entitled much?!?!

That pop tart could have gone

That pop tart could have gone bad. Good thing he ate it!! Even better that HE ate it and not you! LOL

LMAO, yeah, I loved that SO

LMAO, yeah, I loved that SO ate it! I also made sure to not buy anymore pop tarts when I went to the store! I am the evil stepmonster!

And there is nothing wrong

And there is nothing wrong with that!!

SD21 makes a BIG to-do about the fact that she is an ADULT and should be treated like one! But only on HER terms. If she cannot afford something, then she expects DH to pay for it. Sorry, ADULT DAUGHTER, but Daddy's days of being your ATM are O-V-E-R!

~snorty~

I think telling the kids no

I think telling the kids no would be bad for SO's health, it would be painful for him and their punishment would terrify him.
Aniki, be grateful your DH does say no.

Dovina, I AM!! And also

Dovina, I AM!! And also grateful that HE wasn't about to try and get a loan to help her out. He basically told her that she's an adult now and part of being an adult is paying your own way. You know THAT chapped her arse!!

I quit a nanny gig in my

I quit a nanny gig in my early 20's because the mom had a "We don't tell the children 'No' because it's negative," leaving me (babysat since 12 and had 9 Early Childhood Education credits so while young & not a BM I knew enough to know I had to GO because with a 2 & 5 year old, that's a recipe for crazy!) with the clear choice of leaving that otherwise literally fab.U.lous nanny job. In hindsight, still happy with my decision.

StepUltimate, do you know

StepUltimate, do you know whatever became of the little dears? What nightmare parenting!

I can understand that SD

I can understand that SD doesn't want student loans. What I can't understand is her throwing a fit because your husband doesn't have the money to pay for her college. She is entitled and is acting like a spoiled brat. Maybe your DH should tell her to go to school part time and work part time to pay her own way. Many of young college students do this. And her FB post is horrible. She needs to grow up and act her age. She is a adult now not 2 years old. Not everything in life is going to go SD's way. She needs to learn that. Sounds like your husband may be doing her a favor as far as growing up goes. Don't let it bother you.

NOBODY wants student loans!!

NOBODY wants student loans!! I know someone who needed almost 20 years to pay off her loans (and she's a doctor).

SD21 IS entitled and a spoiled brat. Daaaaadddddddeeee, the ATM, is not ponying up the funds like she expected. Naturally, this is all HIS fault and has absolutely nothing to do with her.

SD21 just LOVES throwing around the fact that she is an adult. Yes, she is, legally. Mentally? She still has the attitude of a snotty teenager in her 1-2 year of high school.

As for FB? SD is one of those people who uses FB as her online diary. To the world. You can always tell when SD's BF of the minute breaks up with her because it's aaaaaaall over fakebook. "You never loved me." "No woman will ever love you as much as I did." That kind of caca. She's a bloody drama queen. Just like her mother. :sick:

I think that your BM has a

I think that your BM has a lot of influence over SD. I am sure that is why she acts the way she does. She learned from the master. She can go to school part time and work. Nothing wrong with that.

Queensway, BioHo has LOADS of

Queensway, BioHo has LOADS of influence over SD21 and SD24 (DH's skid). 'Ho IS the person from whom they learned their behavior.

SD24 followed in 'Ho's footsteps and got knocked up at 16 so she could get out of the 'Ho house. She now has 2 children and doesn't work. IOW, she's living the life 'Ho dreamed of!

SD21 decided to go to school and have a career. However, she has marriage on the brain. Every "boy" she dates is her potential future husband. She does not date just for fun. She NEEDS a husband. ~eye roll~

The three attorneys I work

The three attorneys I work with all still have student loans. That's life if you choose to attend higher education and your parents or whoever aren't going to help you. They are all in their late 30s.

And that's life if you choose

And that's life if you choose to attend higher education and your parents CANNOT help you. Not everyone can afford to send their kid to college for a single class, much less a 4-year degree.

Agreed. My mother was a

Agreed.

My mother was a mostly stay at home mom on disability and my father worked a decent but physical labor type job. Neither of them had college degrees.

We did ok for ourselves honestly and my parents were able to do a lot for me and my sister but there was no way they would be paying for our college. My mother allowed me to stay on the family cell phone plan and I didn't even expect that.

The idea of BM or my partner paying for the kids college is a joke.

I don't know how BM is affording to live the high life she is right now as it is. Then again maybe its the constant parade of men she moves in.... Who knows. Point being college money aint coming from her.

SO and I are ok and in the next few years things will get pretty nice if I can stay out of the hospital. That money though is going to buying us an actually home, replacing our cars since both are 10+ years old. If they are lucky we MIGHT be able to put back a tiny bit but you have to be careful doing that because do it wrong or too much and they can't get any sort of assistance through grants.

My DH and I have both worked

My DH and I have both worked our arses off to get where we are and have what we do. No one handed it to us. What BioHo got "handed" to her was CS, that she chose to spend on herself. Oh, and when she 'ho'd around for clothes and expensive meals.

If SD thinks she's entitled to have money handed to her, then she needs to follow in her mother's footsteps...

SO and I already had the talk

SO and I already had the talk with the kids that they don't get everything.

The girl wanted this expensive toy for Christmas and we told her if she got that she'd have nothing else. She started to get snifflely because "that's not fair." Um ok but that's reality. We have a budget and I'm not going out of it just to get you a toy. Foods more important.

BM is going to get a decently little pay day when courts done and she gets the back child support she is rightfully due. What upsets me is she's made it clear she intends to use it for this big expensive trip she wants to take the kids on. Sure ignore the joint bills the order is requiring she pay half of within a set time.

We have every intention of taking her back to court for contempt when she ignores those bills. SO has been putting back extra to make sure that he covers his half once it is all said and done because it's having an impact on both of their credit scores and ability to apply for loans, housing, and so forth.

BM will get just enough to cover her half but nope she wants to go play. And that's the message she's showing the kids. Wonderful aint it.

It's going to be wonderful when he has to sue her for her half but it's her fault in the first place for not paying bills why he was getting shot at over seas. He could fight to have her pay it all but he's taking half.

Ughh, sounds like my SD.

Ughh, sounds like my SD. Everything isn't fair, everyone owes her. My boys grew up w/the mantra "Life isn't fair".

My inlaws were obsessed w/fair for SD. I remember the time that SD had taken like 2-3 trips to FL that year w/friends. When time came for me to go w/my boys and DF had didn't have the funds for her because -well they had been used in earlier trips-so she wasn't invited. MIL had thrown a FIT about it-how unfair!

SD always got more then my boys in every sense even though her parents were both broke....can't stand the entitled brat.

But you know it's FAIR

But you know it's FAIR because she is a COD and entitled to that special treatment to make up for it! :sick:

Oh but of course, but only

Oh but of course, but only her because she's special-My two bio COD is somehow 'different' lmao.

Of course!

Oyyy vayyy

Exactly, Goodluck!!

My personal opinion is that

My personal opinion is that parents *should* pay for their kids' college - IF they can afford to and IF the child has demonstrated the intelligence, drive and maturity to succeed. Those are big ifs, of course. It's difficult to work your way through college these days, especially if your parents make too much for you to qualify for financial aid and/or you live in a state with an expensive public college system.

A kid who is throwing a tantrum because daddy can't pay doesn't have the maturity to succeed, IMO. I'd guess that most kids who have never heard the word no won't have what it takes to succeed in college.

Parents making to much to

Parents making to much to qualify for financial aid is a tricky thing though. I had a class mate who got thrown out because her mom was our towns doctor. She was a single woman with 5 children who was buying a home. On paper she made a lot but after everything was said and done YES they lived comfortably but to pay for her daughters college would mean she couldn't afford anything else. What about 2 years later when oldest brother wanted to go. Than a year after that when middle child and so on.

If a parent WANTS to pay for college that's great but a parents obligation is to get their child to adulthood. College despite popular belief is NOT mandatory for life. There are TONS of jobs that don't require a college degree.

Making too much to qualify

Making too much to qualify for financial aid makes it tough for a kid to do it alone; it certainly doesn't mean the parent can AFFORD college. There's a big disconnect between the income that qualifies for financial aid and the income that can pay the tuition!

generally speaking a COD

generally speaking a COD coddled skid has ZERO drive, initiative nor maturity.

Those ARE big ifs. However,

Those ARE big ifs. However, SD lives at the,'Ho house and only pays her used car payment (which I almost paid off). SD buys tons of costly makeup, fast food, energy drinks, and expensive lattes. Like her mother, she is careless with money.

My ex got a degree in

My ex got a degree in English. Not teaching... just English. He came out with literally no different opportunities then what he had going on but hey he got that degree. It was worthless and one of the reasons we divorced is he wanted me to quit work and move across the state so he could get a Master's in...... Film Making... Are you kidding me?

Um...what kind of films?

There ARE companies that do not care what kind of degree... only that you have one. :?

Oh no... he didn't want to

Oh no... he didn't want to actually use it except to keep up the BS blogging stuff he was trying to do with friends.... Hint that didn't go anywhere.

Though he did get a chance to monetize on youtube. He decided he didn't want to be stuck doing the same stuff over and over again.

Walmart is one of those companies that doesn't care about what degree and I think that's what makes this worse.

Gads.

Can you post what she wrote

Can you post what she wrote on Facebook....wanna see her “adulting”

SD21's little rant: SD21 is

SD21's little rant:

SD21 is (angry-face emoji) feeling Angry

Parents need to understand that telling their kids "NO" is not good for kids mental health. Words can do ALOT of harm!!!!!!! Sadly most parents could care less about the mental health of their kids.

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Telling your kid NO is bad for their mental health

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