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The Locked Door

wicked's picture

I already included this episode as part of another post, but I would like to expand on it further because DH *insists* that if people knew all the facts, they would see no problem with it. So I am curious what you all think. And I know you will give your honest opinions and hold back nothing. Smile

To recap, we have SD's cat in DH's office until other arrangements can be made. Originally, the door to that room did not have a lock, but the door to that room's walk-in closet did have a lock on it because DH keeps his guns in there and he didn't want my son having access to them. My son is not into guns and is not the snoopy type, but fine, whatever.

Then SD (and cat) came to live with us, in that room, and SD insisted that a lock be put on the room door, so DH switched the lock from the closet to the main door of that room.

After SD moved out, the cat remained in that room because SD could not afford to pay the pet deposit at her apt, and so we are trying to figure out other arrangements for the cat. SD still had keys to both the house and that room, which I felt was unnecessary and was uncomfortable with it, but that is a whole 'nuther matter. For at least a couple weeks after moving out, SD would come and go to take care of the cat, and the door to that room remained unlocked. Then DH went out of town for a few days, and all of a sudden SD felt a need to lock the door to that room. That's when it finally dawned on me fully that only SD and DH had keys to that room.

Long story short, I eventually got into the room and switched the lock back to the closet, which made DH really mad and we had a big blowup about it - but so far it has been left that way. I still don't have a key but that is not a big deal at this point because the closet door is never locked, or even shut, because the cat's food and water are kept in there. Although, as far as I know, the guns are still in there too.

I know it's DH's office, but I do need to go in there from time to time to use his computer or scanner, and basically I just feel there is something very wrong about being locked out of a room in my own house and someone who doesn't even live here has a key and I don't. If they think it needs to be locked, then I should at least have a key. But DH can't see that that is a problem and feels that if people knew the whole story - that it's his daughter, and she needs to take care of her cat, and there are guns in the closet - they would agree with him that it is not a problem for only him and SD to have keys to the room.

So...what think ye??

wicked's picture

I know!!! I would have been happy with that, but he just thought I shouldn't be making such a big deal over nothing.

secondplace's picture

I don't necessarily think it's a problem if coincidentally DH and SD only have keys to the room.

However, it is your house too, and if you feel you need/want a key to any room in it, that is your prerogative. He shouldn't have an issue with it.

stpmom2b's picture

Yeah if you want a key why wouldn't he give you one? It sounds like a power play on both your parts lol

caregiver1127's picture

Hello your house get a key or change the lock and you keep the key and don't give it to Dh or SD and see how they like it - seems as if they are in this together - tell your DH to knock it off - enough already!!!

sixteensmom's picture

I vote for Cat to the pound.
Then SD doesn't need a key and it becomes your key.

fwiw - I wouldn't want my skids in my office either. i dont want them touching my things or snooping or borrowing an envelope or a stamp. i dont let them use my computer or printer and they don't need to see anything on my desk. I'd lock the room and give DH a key.

somerg's picture

i vote for cat to be kicked to the curb WITHOUT notice and key gone.....all over a cat...omg your allergic that felion should not be in the house in my opinion. if sd cant afford the deposit...she needs to give it up for adoption....i'd give her (and dh) a 1 week time frame b4 lb is called or cat thrown out on the street

Tx mommy of 3's picture

I think you should have a key to any and all rooms in your own house. Period. Tell dh you need a key and if not then you are changing the locks and the cat AND his guns are gone. Tell him that by not allowing you access in there it gives the appearance that he is hidig or keeping something from you, even if he isn't. Besides you need to get to the computer, too.

iwishyouwould's picture

If my DH was being irate about how his mancave door needs a lock, I would just take the door off the frame and eliminate the whole stupid problem. Theres no reason that you need a locked door unless you need locked-door-privacy and i fail to see why (hypothetically) my husband needs that kind of privacy, and the fact that he was getting angry about it would make me suspicious. Im kindof a 'do the most blunt thing first and make a point' type.

simifan's picture

As an adult member of the house you should have a key to all rooms if I didn't I would be throwing a fit. That doesn't even take into account that a child who doesn't even live there has the keys ?!?!?!?

Shannon61's picture

Since she can't afford the cat, she needs to take it to a shelter and give you back the key. This would resolve everything.

stepgin's picture

It's these kinds of things that make you crazy!!!! On the surface, it's not that big of a deal. But the underlying issue is that someone who does not live there has access to a part of your home that you don't have. It's your and DH's house. NOT HERS. Leaving the cat there is just another passive/agressive action on her part. Particularly since you're allergic.
I would take the cat to the pound myself, but I can see why you wouldn't want to since it could be viewed as a selfish (although warrented) act. If it were me, I would tell DH to take the cat to her and give her the pet deposit. Make it a birthday gift or something cause you'll never get it back anyway. If he doesn't have the money, he can sell one of his guns to get it.
When he delivers her cat he can get the key from her to give to you. Smile

Rags's picture

Your DH and SD are the ones with the issue on this I think.

You are bang on IMHO.

No locks in my house that I do not have a key to.