You are here

SD15 Sneaking Out?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I have suspected for some time, but I found something today that was rather suspicious to me. I had to order more propane, and I thought I heard the truck come and go, so I went out to check. It is easier to access the propane tank from the the door off of the utility room. I go to unlock the door to go out, and find that it is already unlocked! Now, we typically do not use this door at all...only when we need to access things at that end of the house or in the back, which even then, it is only me who uses it. I'll also use it when I'm doing a thorough cleaning of the utility room...to put the trash right outside the door (which I haven't done since the new dryer was delivered months ago, and it is again due). I know I always make a point to check that the door is locked when I use it. It isn't the easiest to lock...you have to lean on the door with your weight to get it lined up right.

The door is all the way at one end of the house, and I cannot hear what is going on in the utility room from our bedroom because there are three walls between that room and the bedroom (wall between utility room and master closet, master closet and master bath, and master bath and bedroom). I know that it isn't a case like TGIHB where SD15 forgot a key and was trying to keep something unlocked to get back in the house, because I work from home, and she knows she can just ring the bell if she doesn't have her key. So, the only other thing that makes any sense is that SD15 is using that door to sneak out, because she knows I will wake up if the front door is opened (as it is right outside our bedroom door, and I'm a light sleeper). BS19 has no reason to "sneak out", as he is really only under the rule of letting us know where he is for his own safety, and don't do anything stupid...he is a grown adult at this point. No matter what time he comes home, he uses the front door.

Going to be keeping a close eye on this door from now on!! If anything, how long has this door been sitting unlocked? That freaks me out a bit!!! Yeah, we live in the country, but we have still had problems out here...one kid used to break into houses, and last year was arrested for stabbing his step-dad over a cat. The grown guy across the street who lives with his grandparents used to break into empty houses, and would be around the neighborhood drunk all the time. Dude came over to our house a couple of times trying to see if he could cut the grass for us, and he really creeped me out. Debating on saying something to DH now, or wait until I find it unlocked again...but would he even believe me? I mean, I could easily see him brushing it off as someone else in the house used the door and forgot to lock it, because he refuses to believe that the princess does any of that stuff that she did at BM's here!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I was thinking that, too. Some sort of tape or string, but walk around the house and do it from the outside, so in case she is turning on the light, she can't see it marked.

You are probably right about DH. Like I said, he would probably try to say I went used the door and forgot to lock it (which he should know better, because I'm the door locking fanatic in this house). Just like the issue with the cake awhile back...when DH tried to claim that maybe I ate the missing piece and forgot! Really? Me? The person who logs her food to keep myself accountable so that I don't go back up to a size 18? Forget that I had a piece of cake?

Like I said in another post, should be interesting after BS19 leaves for college! SD15 tries to blame all kinds of stuff on him...it is his wrappers left in the TV room, his cup left on the table, etc...even when he hasn't been home other than to sleep for days due to work and stuff, and even when the wrapper is for something he doesn't even eat and she was seen eating just a couple of days before! She even tried to blame the cake on BS19...and BS19 hates cake...always has!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

You know...I was just thinking...they have those "Doberman" things at the hardware store for like $10. They are battery operated, and they stick to the door and the frame...and when the sensors are not in line, they make a loud noise! Now, those would wake me up (like the night the cats knocked our old doorknobs off the shelf in there)...and if I install it from the outside, she won't see it! }:)

Could be funny...catch her in the act, then wake up dear daddy at whatever hour it is, and let her explain to him why she was going out the back door at all hours!

Aniki's picture

Don't mark the door - change the lock for one that must be opened with a key from the in- or outside.

ybarra357's picture

I used to hear SD then 15 sneaking back home at 5:00 a.m. after being out all night long. Told DH, but he didn't seem to care. Oh well, not my kid.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I'm currently looking at some double-cylinder deadbolts that can only be locked/unlocked with a key. That will have to be step two...after SD15 is caught. Step one will be be the doberman things...catch her in the act, wake DH up at all hours. That is the only way he will care, because it will be interfering with HIS sleep! I can then throw at him the need to put the double-cylinder deadbolt on the door so she can't use it anymore, and while he is angry about it, he will agree. Granted, she probably will still not get much punishment for it, if any, but her actions will be right there out in the open. She will then have to figure out how to jump a window, which, after BS19 leaves, I plan on putting a locking doorknob on his room to keep her out of it...so she cannot go jump out those windows where the dogs can't hear. Only her window and the window in the dogs' room will be accessible, and the dogs will bark at either of those. Explains why I haven't heard the dogs in a while. She probably realized that the dogs were going to get her caught, and came up with the tip-toe through the house out the back door idea!

She wants to play this game? I'll play! I'll be a step ahead every time! Maybe I should buy some rose bushes while I'm at the store getting a new deadbolt!

Accordn2L's picture

I can not even wait to read the blog when you catch her with the Doberman thing! It's already Thursday so you must get it today because the weekend is coming and I'm sure the little party girl will be ready to go out! The best thing ever will be if she sneaks back in and it wakes DH up and he can't deny it, make excuses, it's plain and simple what happened. OH you could also put up a nanny cam so when she gets caught you have it on film to replay the look on her face OVER AND OVER, priceless!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

BS19 works today, and he works at Lowes. I'll probably tell him to pick some up for me, or I will stop by there on the way to the gym and get them myself. SD15 has been at BM's since Tuesday morning, so I'm sure she has already been partying it up. I say at BM's, but according to SD15's social media, she has been a friend's house the whole time. I'll get them put it, but if SD15 keeps going over to BM's during the week, I doubt I will catch her really soon. You know, she may use her time here to catch up on her sleep. But I will update for sure once she is caught, because she will be eventually!

Calypso1977's picture

locking your son's door is probably a smart idea regardless of this latest development. that way he can be at school, focused on his studies, and not worry about your SD helping herself to whatever she wants in his room!

i agree taht you need either a camera or the doberman thing. your hubby will probably never believe that a piece of tape was disturbed by her.

Orange County Ca's picture

The Doberman thing would be fun but after that you leave it alone. Tell your husband you found the door unlocked and worried that a sex prowler was entering the house. Not disturbing anything just messing with the females laundry. His Princess got caught in friendly fire and gee who wudda thought?

Then you stay out of it. Not your kid and not your problem as a part of your program of disengagement. You are disengaged right?

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, after getting caught, I will still change the lock to one that requires a key both ways. I mean, I am a female home by myself all day...I have to think about my safety. Wink

Like I said, this is the thing that really freaked me out when I found the door unlocked this morning!! First thought was, "Oh crap!!!! How long has that been like that?!" My next thought was that SD15 was using the door to sneak out, and couldn't lock it back, since the door is rather difficult to lock again once unlocked, unless you know the trick. When he asks why I put the doberman on it in the first place after SD15 is caught (because she will be), I will simply tell him, "I kept finding the door unlocked, and I was concerned about my personal safety!" After changing the deadbolt on the back door, I will hand DH the remaining 3 doberman (as they come in a 4 pk), and tell him he is free to do with those what he likes. Wink As in...hint hint...you may want to put one of these on SD15's window, and the window in the dog room, or any other window you think she may want to jump out of.

After that, it is on him all the way! Like I said, I will put a locking doorknob on BS19's room. If DH asks why, I will point out that I want to make sure no one messes with BS19's stuff while he is gone, as SD15 isn't known for having the most trustworthy friends. It is my right to protect BS19's stuff!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I worry that she is leaving my door unlocked, exposing me and this entire house! I've been pretty sure that she has been sneaking out for some time, but no proof! I used to wake up to the dogs barking, and DH laying there out cold asleep. Now, I'm finding the back door unlocked for no reason. Seems to me she was afraid the dogs were going to give her up, and she found a new way of doing her deed.

I'm not really up to having to get up every night for who knows how long to check if the door is unlocked. I would rather put an alarm on the door, catch her in the act once, have an excuse to put the double cylinder lock on, and go on with life knowing my back door will stay locked. If that means she gets to get exposed in the mean time, that is an added benefit!

If she turns up pregnant, I seriously feel it will be the end of our marriage, and I really don't want that if it can be avoided. I do love my husband, and when SD15 isn't around, things are great. If she stays in this house, it won't be daddy taking care of the baby, and it won't be SD15 either. The house could fall down, and I would be digging the both of them out of the rubble by following the snores! So who gets to wake up in the middle of the night every time the baby cries? If she ends up pregnant, I will have no choice but to say that SD15 has to move back to her mother's, or I'm out! That, I can promise you, will cause a huge fight, with DH calling me a hypocrite! Why? Because I had BD23 when I was 18 and finishing up high school and my mom let me stay at home. But what he doesn't get is that even though I stayed at home, I took care of my baby...not my mom...and I can promise you SD15 is not as capable. She would already have to be in a certain place. When I got pregnant, I was out on my own (as the age of emancipation then was 17 and my mom and I didn't get along at all...still don't). I was working 2 jobs, lived with a roommate who basically did nothing, so I took care of the house, etc. SD15 can't even pick up her own crap without having an attitude!! I wouldn't have even gone home to my parents except that I was being denied work for the sole reason that I was pregnant (yes, that is what managers told me...and if I knew then what I know know, I would be rich after the lawsuits). I was only home for 6 months...long enough to graduate and have my baby, and I was back out working and in my own place. I can promise you that would not be SD15...not the way she was raised...not her character. She has a BM who hasn't worked a day in her life since SD15 was born, and has managed to get everyone else to take care of her. She didn't even really take care of SD15 when she was younger...it was always BM's mom, DH, my SIL, my MIL. So, yeah, this is what SD15 has learned from, so there is no way in hell that I will be supportive if she gets pregnant, because I'm not in the business of raising grandchildren! I've had my kids, I raised them into self-sufficient adults. I can promise you that if BD23 found out tomorrow she was pregnant, even unmarried, she would do all she could to take care of the baby on her own, because that is the kind of person she was raised to be. She will only ask for help when she has tried everything else, and her back is against the wall.

Sorry for the rant, but yeah, I can't just sit by. Being disengaged is one thing. The protection of your own home is another. Like I said, the doberman things come in a 4-pack, so after she is caught, I will double-cylinder the lock, and had the remaining 3 to DH and tell him, "Here you go...do with these what you like. My first suggestion would be her bedroom window!" and walk away from the situation!

Calypso1977's picture

i hear you.
i think disengagement is difficult. because at the end of the day you cant truly do it!

if SD gets pregnant it DOES affect you because it most likely affects teh FAMILY finances or even lifestyle, in your case.

if SD looks like a bum in public or acts like an idiot, it DOES affect me because i do feel its a reflection on me. Case in point, on father's day SD's uncle says to me "calypso, show SD how to use her knife, will you?" because she was once again eating with her hands and showing a lack of table manners. Clearly society has an expectation that we are responsible for these kids even if we arent supposed to be.

home security - you have to get involved if your husbands wont.

the list goes on... and at the end of the day, that darn Orange County is right - dont get involved with men who have kids!!!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

EXACTLY! Like when SD15 does her normal thing in church on Sundays. She lives with me and DH, and everyone knows it! So, I'm the one that gets the dirty looks when SD15 has her feet all up in the seats, or is being distracting by getting up multiple times during service! Others on the outside, unless they are living it themselves, do not understand disengagement, and that child is your problem in their eyes! That is why, from now on, DH will get a text from me that he needs to text SD15 and make her come to the sound booth with him when she is acting inappropriately in church!

Same thing if SD15 gets pregnant. Sure, I can say that my income will not be used to pay for the SD15 or her child, but if DH diverts any of his income to them, it effects what he is putting in to his share of the household expenses, and thus I'm still paying to cover it if I want to keep things like...well...my house! There is also the lifestyle changes. Sure, you can say, "Well, don't get up if the baby cries...let it cry until she gets up!" Problem is, I'm a light sleeper, so I will still wake up, and I will be stuck laying there awake until something is finally done with the baby and it is quiet again! That will have certain drain on my overall health, which will affect my ability to do my job, and affect my lifestyle. Let's not forget if SD15 is allowed to stay in our house with a baby, and there is any complaint from the outside of neglect of the baby, if I do nothing, I'm also guilty of neglect in CPS' eyes...they don't care if I'm a step, not related to the family at all, etc. If I live in the house and I do nothing when the mother is neglecting the child, I'm guilty, and can be brought up on charges. So, it will be raise the child of a child that is not mine, or go to jail in a sense!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

"Difficult to be in love with one's hubby and deal with this shit all together"

Such a true statement! When SD15 has these weeks where she is not at home, things are like they used to be...no arguments, no fights, DH and I go and do things (because I don't have to worry about SD15 whining or asking for everything under the sun and throwing fits when she doesn't get her way), etc. When SD15 is around, I'm more tense because of her crappy attitude toward everyone, and she is so fake the sound of her voice is like nails on a chalk board! DH gets moody because of SD15's attitude, but also because he can sense that I'm on edge, we get into fights over things regarding to SD15 (like when she "needs" something...that isn't really a need...and I say no, but DH just wants to get it for her to shut her up, or to prevent SD15 from going to BM about it causing BM to call DH and cuss him out because the princess isn't getting everything she wants). There is no peace in this house when SD15 is around, but there is such peace when she is gone and it is like she doesn't even exist!

I could be fun if we could post pictures of our skid's living spaces, but at the same time, it may be too much for some people's stomachs. Like SD15's room right now...bloody underwear on the floor...YUCK! I know some have also complained about used lady products.

JacksGal's picture

I'd lock the door after she leaves too. When she has to wake up Daddy to get back in at 5am he will have to admit she was out when she wasn't supposed to be. She'll find a million excuses as to why she opened the door that late at night or scurry out of the way so nobody knows it's her. Dressed up to party stuck outside the house, that'll be a lot harder to explain.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, trust me...an alarm on that door WILL work, and she would not be able to convince DH that it wasn't her! Now, he may not punish her (because he rarely does), but he will still know. There is no way she can get back to her bedroom from that door without passing by our bedroom door, which I will already be at ready to redirect her to her father!

It actually isn't very safe to lock her out completely and make her sit there in the dark, and I could get into really big trouble with DH if I did that. We live out in the country, and in our part of Texas, we have quite a population of coyotes (if you walk out on the front porch after midnight, you can hear them, and there have been sightings in our neighborhood even during dusk). Also, the area we are in, there have been sightings of cougars in the green-belt behind our neighborhood. Haven't actually seen one myself, but after a rain, there have been some rather large kitty cat prints in the mud on my property. I don't even leave the cats out at night...make them bring their happy butts in.

JacksGal's picture

What about waking him up after she's gone so he has to go out looking for her? Think that might push his buttons more to do something? If he has to do that a few nights instead of sleep, he might be more inclined to see things for what they are perhaps?

Rags's picture

My dad was an expert at counter sneek-out/in tactics when we were teens.

Paper grocery sacks full of empty cans strategically placed where a sneaking teen would knock them over and make all kinds of racket, brooms/mops leaning against bedroom doors to smack a sneaking teen in the face when they opened the door, soaked grass and flower beds under a window so that no kid could get out and back in without making a God-awful mess of themselves and everything else, buckets of water [or talcum powder over door jams, lying in ambush with a garden hose to douse the teen at the most surprising moment, etc, etc, etc......

Have fun with this.

Most recently my dad has taken to using the alarm system in his counter sneak out/in tactics. My niece is at the sneak out/in phase of her teen years and dad will set the alarm when he goes to bed at night. His system tells him what is not locked, etc... and he puts a post-it on the window or door that my niece is intending to use for her late night excursions informing her that the alarm is set and to open anything at her own risk.

Needless to say her night life is curtailed when she is visiting my parents.

Web cams work too. If you want proof, catch her on a web cam. There is no lying about web cam footage.

Have fun with this. Make it as uncomfortable and as messy as possible for your Skid. }:)

mimi719's picture

We joked about putting a hunters cam outside of the teen's window. We laughed for so long at the pics it would've taken. We could even use them for the Christmas cards!