Do SKs Have Keys to Your House?
I want to know who has adult SKs that have keys to your house. This has become a huge, possibly insurmountable issue between DH and me, and I am seriously wondering if I need to be planning my exit strategy.
As you may remember, SD22 lived with us for a few months and moved out just before Christmas - a wonderful present for me! However, she kept her key, supposedly so that she could continue to come and take care of her cat. Of course, I never bought that nonsense because, as far as I was concerned, she could come over any time she wanted as long as she called first (and I could decide if I wanted to be around to see her ugly face or not). I have a high need for privacy, and I don't do well with the idea of someone unexpectedly walking into my house at any time of day or night and making themselves at home. And that's exactly what has been happening, to the point where I now feel skittish all the time in my own home, anticipating that at any moment she will walk in the door. Maybe I am weird that way, but several times she has walked in while I'm getting dressed or getting out of the shower, and our bedroom door is right next to the living room where the front door is. I don't feel like I should have to worry about closing my bedroom door when I am home alone, or second guess if I dare walk to the laundry room in my underwear. Honestly, I even think about how much noise I want to make when DH and I are having sex, in case we don't hear her come in. I check the house when I come out of the bathroom because she could have come in and I didn't hear her to know anyone else was in the house.
She has always had this entitlement attitude that it's her dad's house so it's her house too, which drives me crazy, and I've already shared some of the disrespectful stuff she has done to me with taking the valance down in the bathroom etc.
I never had a key to my parents house. It never entered my mind that I might need one, particularly after I moved out on my own (many years ago) until my dad, who lived alone, started getting frail. I ended up moving away, so that made the issue moot, and he is now deceased. I don't expect to be giving my own son a key to my house after he moves out, until I am old and frail. And if/when I do, it will be with the expectation that it is for emergency use only and he will call first and not just walk in unexpectedly.
I have talked with DH several times about this, and he always says it won't be a problem as soon as the cat is gone and she doesn't have a need to come over so often. Of course, I don't believe that either. And why does she need a key if the cat is gone, anyway? (The cat is now gone as of 2 days ago and so far she still has the key.)
So finally his real story comes out... He LOVES the fact that she has a key to his house and feels free to come over whenever she wants to and make herself at home. He would LOVE it if his other dtr lived close and could have a key and come over whenever she wanted to and make herself at home, as well. So now I just want to puke puke puke, knowing that his dream is just about my worst nightmare. He has always said he would like to move closer to his children, and now I know what that would look like and I think it's a deal breaker.
So I'm curious what your thoughts are, and I am curious how many of you have adult SKs that have keys to your house and you are ok with them coming and going whenever. I know how I feel, and I own it, but I want to know if I am alone or unreasonable. Thanks.
Personally I would make sure
Personally I would make sure that I walked around naked as much as possible-then perhaps she will not think it is a good idea to come in unannounced. You could even say something like, "oh thank goodness you didnt come earlier you would have caught me and your dad in the middle of sex!"
absolutely love your
absolutely love your approach....just getting ready to embark on great adventure with his two kids out of the house and in college dorms, a new home for he and i, but they will have keys for coming home. i love your approach and intend to use it. thanks so much.
I had a key to my parents
I had a key to my parents house well.....I still do (and yes I am a skid). However, I never used it. They always knew when we were coming over, and ewe never did an unexpected visit- that's rude.
My skids do not have a key to my house. This isn't their house. And I don't trust them not to let BM in to snoop around.
I don't want my skids having
I don't want my skids having a key to my house. My oldest skid does, but he doesn't have another home to go to. He's 12. And once the kids don't live here they don't need a key. I'm a private person, too, and if DH needed to have his kids here as they pleased with no notice, I would have to change the locks and move his home base somewhere else. This is MY house.
Change your locks and if DH
Change your locks and if DH gets pissed say too bad - this is our house and I want EVERYONE who comes over to announce themselves first - and I mean EVERYONE and that includes your daughter because although you love her to me she is like EVERYONE ELSE and needs to call first - I have been been gone from my adoptive parents home for over 25 years and I still call and tell my Dad that I am coming to see him - even when we lived in the same town before I married DH I would call them before showing up - I never went to my parents house unannounced - was not raised that way - CHANGE THE LOCKS END OF STORY - YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES - and if DH gets pissed tell him this is a deal breaker - you put up with the adult SD and no more - stand up to your DH and see what happens cause if not you are going to be a stranger in your own house and always worried that she will show up and be skittish and quite frankly stress can cause cancer and other illnesses so why make yourself sick because some 22 year old needs to show you who is boss - you are the wife now become the boss of your own home and make DH understand there is no other option - you need to stand up!!
Amen to all the above and no
Amen to all the above and no way in hell will my SD EVER get a key to MY house!! Put your foot down and change the locks.
My daughter and her husband
My daughter and her husband both have keys to the house--you never know when there will be an emergency! My next door neighbors also have a key to the house. (and I have a key to theirs!)
Neither of the adult stepkids ever had a key. It was never even a consideration for SD24 to have a key. I'd be afraid I'd come home and she and her spawn and baby daddy would be moved in! LOL!!!! SS26 used to be here a lot (before disengagement), and I had mentioned to DH once to get him a key, but he didn't want to. Turns out, he probably would have just brought some of his skank friends over while we were at work! Ironically, I have a key to SS's house because he and DH own it together and DH wants me to be able to get in there if something goes wrong and DH is out of town. (I wouldn't go into that house without half of the police department with me for back up!)
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It was never even a consideration for SD24 to have a key. I'd be afraid I'd come home and she and her spawn and baby daddy would be moved in! LOL!!!!
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This cracks me up and would be incredibly funny if it was not so true but it did crack me up for a moment!!
MY skids don't have a key to
MY skids don't have a key to the door, but SS35 does know the code to the garage which leads into the kitchen and we don't keep that door locked. Whenever we go out of town, I take the battery out, which annoys my DH but too bad. I trust his brats as far as I can throw them. My DD39 does have a key, always has, in case of an emergency but she NEVER would just waltz in. She always calls before she comes to town. I would just confromt her and ask for my key back. If that doesn't work, I'd change the locks if I were you.
Funny how all of you give
Funny how all of you give keys to your own children and no one can trust their skids - why are SM's such good BM's and their kids turn out great and the skids are just so f*cked up - you read this over and over again on this site - funny how every child that gets a key always calls first and never just drops by - do not skids realize that the children of their Stepmothers also went through divorce and don't use that as an excuse - our kids just grow up and make up proud and our skids just embarrass the hell out of us - WHY WHY WHY - it is because of us StepMothers being such great mothers!!!
Why can we raise our children to be respectful and loving and mature but we all have to put up with these little a**holes that our DH's bring along with them - it just amazes me that these skids are so horrible - I just don't get it - I truly blame the BM's whether they were cheated on or they were cheating on our DH's, or got pregnant on purpose to keep our DH's and it backfired - why did our men get involve with such unstable women - do you think age - my dh married my psycho BM when she was 24 so maybe she was young and could hide the craziness - do all of these BM's just get crazier as they get older - there is a trend here!
None of the skids have keys.
None of the skids have keys. I have valuable items that I do not want stolen or broke. One of the skids is a druggie so i do not trust him or his friends. Besides that I sometimes walk around in minimal clothes or romantic times may come up at any moment so before anyone comes over i prefer calls. Neither of us have bio kids so we dont have that issue as of yet.
If your SD has moved out, why
If your SD has moved out, why would she have a key to your home? I have a key to my mom's house because she had a stroke; my SD is taking care of her and sometimes has to go out before the health care worker comes. If they don't live w/you, why do they need keys?
skids will NEVER have a key
skids will NEVER have a key to my house b/c i don't trust either of them, sd steals and i would bet either would bring bm into my house to snoop.
on that note, i do have a key to my mom and sf's home and to their vacation home. but i would never go unannounced, it's just convenient if i need to drop off/pick up something, take care of the dogs or something while they are working or out of town.
I remember your original
I remember your original post, and HOLY CRAP the cat JUST left and the kid still has a key to your house? i'd be buying a new door lock for the front door and changing it out so her key does not work.
:sick:
No skids do not have keys,
No skids do not have keys, SS21 did but we had the locks changed when we found out he was a drug addict. We have an apt in city and weekend house. Since no one is at weekend house during the week we dont want any skids to have keys.
My SS is 18 and lives with
My SS is 18 and lives with us. He has a key.
He leaves for basic training in 29 days. I am not sure if his key will go with him or not.
His mom and I will have to talk about it.
I do not have a key to my
I do not have a key to my parents house and they live about a mile from me. I have never expected to have a key that is rude to expect a key to someone's house but my own. Why do these people think that their kid needs a key? Why would the kid think they need a key!?
I don't get it? AND NO my step kids do not have a key to my house and there is no reason for them too!
I would ask my dh "does he have a key to his parents house?" And "Will they let him come over any time he wants and let himself in?" The answer will be NO!
None of our kids have a key
None of our kids have a key to our house. We are still relatively young and enjoy our alone time. I wouldn't want to worry about anyone, not even my own kids just letting themselves in.
My stepkids live quite a distance away so when they visit, we give them one of our keys so they can come and go while we're not home, but we get it back when they leave to go back home.
Our skids aren't allowed
Our skids aren't allowed keys, either. At one point we had three of them every other week. The one who's home from school the earliest gets handed a key on Monday, and is asked for it back the Monday they leave for their Mother's. They key has been stolen and copied once, they've also been caught breaking in through windows, so I also keep a lock on my bedroom and bathroom doors.
I also remember your original
I also remember your original post. You're right on point here and your DH is being ridiculous. I too am quite private and just the thought of "getting the clear" before walking around in my own home is something I can't comprehend nor would I accept.
My SD (27) will be moving out next year after she gets married. We've discussed the "key" issue and DH couldn't bring himself to say he would take it back so he instead said "we're getting new doors." Whatever . . . bottom line .. she will not have a key. I'm ok with his folks having a key for emergencies, (they're good folks and would never use it unless they had to), but that's about it. I'm also in the process of putting a lock on our bedroom door because SD is nosey and I don't trust her.
Sounds like your DH is commited to allowing SD to run the house. Change the locks and if he has an issue, pack his bags and send him to move in w/SD!
My SS12 had a key because he
My SS12 had a key because he would come home from school every day with no one home. That backfired big time when his skank mother tried to leave him at our house without permission on a NON visitation time. We told her no, she said ok nevermind, then proceeded to show up and try to break in. She would also decide to "stop by" for the kid to use the bathroom whenever she wanted. That last time, I was inside holding the lock so she thought the key didn't work. LOL. It sucks to resort to this sort of crap to protect your privacy and boundaries. My SD20 also has a key and when she was in town from college, she would just come over whenever she wanted, especially when her dad wasn't home and I was there enjoying some quiet time. She would also bring her boyfriend and he's this huge guy and would lay all over the couch and fall asleep. Mind you, my SS20 is an adorable lovable girl, but these things are just WRONG!!! My mother in law ALSO has a key, and if she rings the bell and we don't answer quickly, she will just come in. Again, she's a wonderful lady but this is WRONG!!
So we are moving into a new house this weekend and I've made it VERY clear to hubby that NO ONE GETS A KEY!!! I swear, this boils my blood just thinking about it.
My wife and I both have a key
My wife and I both have a key to my mom and dad's house. We often use the keys ..... but only when a visit is pre arranged and only if mom and dad are not home when we arrive. If they are home, we knock and wait for them to answer the door.
Our visits are always pre-arranged days, weeks or even months in advance. We don't "surprise" them by just showing up and letting ourselves in.
My ILs don't have a key but have a long and distinguished history of "surprise" visits. This has caused some problems over the years. Not when they visit us but when they visit my wife's sibs. MIL and FIL get upset when the kid and fam they are visiting don't stop what they are doing, change their plans and spend all of their time with MIL and FIL. SIL and BILs do it to each other also. Feelings get hurt regularly in my wife’s family.
It does not affect my wife and I because we live ~1500+ miles from my ILs and the only way they can visit is if we pick them up from the air port and usually we have to pay the travel costs. So, they visit when we invite them.
My husband lived in this
My husband lived in this house with his ex and 2 kids for over 10 years then they divorced....she moved next door and kids just come and went when ever they wanted to....then 6 years after divorce I start to move in....after we married....12 mths ago....we were missing one of the house keys and I didnt feel comfortable that his kids had one and were really pals with the mum....in fact they let the mum in one time and she decided to pinch some stuff that had been given to my DH and this psycho EX for their wedding present....thats when I said enough is enough....I do not feel safe being here...nor do my kids....when there is a key floating around out there....CHANGE THE LOCks...So gorgeous husband did....
Incidently...Legally...persons who live within the house should be the only occupents who have a key....and should they feel that a step child could miss use a key and they dont take it off them and the house gets burgled...good luck with claiming your insurance....Change the locks....play it safe...and feel safe...
Well, I made the mistake of
Well, I made the mistake of early in our marriage giving both adult SDs keys to our house - my house that he moved into after we married. A couple of years after we married, it looked like someone had been there while we were at work and I asked DH. He checked with SDs and one told him both of them had been there while one of their houses were being shown. A day or two later, I was on the phone with one of the SDs when she let it slip that the other day when we were at your house BM went to pick us up something to eat. I just about lost it and confronted SD about lying about who had been there. She was not lying she said - but conveniently leaving out that BM was with them is a lie to me. But of course, in my husband's eyes, I was being the evil stepmother. He did have the b____ to tell them he didn't want her there. I have still not changed locks several years later - I know, I should put my foot down.
I used to have a key to my
I used to have a key to my mums house...but when she remarried at 60 something...I felt it was not the right thing to just walk in and out when I pleased....how do you know that the adult in the house isnt walking around naked...or having sex?
No child should have free access to the house....obviously when dad or mum lived by themselves its different..but when they get other people living in the house things change and children...including adult children if they havnt yet done so...need to learn manners and respect others privacy and space....especially that of adults....
Over my dead body!
Over my dead body! :jawdrop:
My SS18 lives with us so he
My SS18 lives with us so he has keys to the house. So does my neighbor and so do all my Bio's. I don't walk around in my underwear because I never know which kid is coming in or out & if they have friends with them. My Skids are good for the most part. I would however probably NOT let SD have keys. She's VERY much like her mom so I don't trust her fully. I always have an eye on her.
Mine do not have a key and
Mine do not have a key and they will never have a key!!
NO WAY!!! i do not trust them
NO WAY!!! i do not trust them and never have!! its ashame and sad, but true! They would probably give BM a copy and she would try to kill us or something!
When SD29 first moved near
When SD29 first moved near us, I was babysitting her BS8 for the summer. I was just about to give her a key so that when she brought him over very early, she could come on in and put him in bed and I could sleep a little while longer. The same day that I was about to give her a key, $40 bucks went missing out of my purse. I can't prove it was her but she had opportunity and there was no one else around. So, she didn't get the key. Thank goodness I avioded that mess.