Knew she would be back!
So my newly married husband and I have had ALOT of problems with his 19 year old princess. She was away at school but is back for the summer. She has always used his home as a hotel and is very manipulative. She expects to be able to stay here when ever she wants and I have rented an apartment. If she is allowed to stay here I will leave him. I will not be abused in my own home or cater to her demands like her disney land Dad does. Wish i knew how to upload a screenshot of the message she sent him that I lost a nights sleep over! Am I awful that I will not tolerate her in my home? Can't they meet somewhere else to see eachother? The thing is she doesn't even want to see her dad or spend time with him, she just wants to use this home as a hotel!
Sorry its my first post and I
Sorry its my first post and I'm feeling like I'm awful for not wanting her in my space! She has stolen things, cussed, and thinks she is entitled to come and go as she pleases! I had a feeling this summer this would happen so I rented an apartment down the street that is sitting waiting for me to say I'm done and go live there should SD be allowed back here. Sorry I havent learned all the abreviations. I would love to post the screen shot of her message with SDs info and picture marked out but I'm not sure how.
We can't upload pictures here
We can't upload pictures here. Some post links to a picture sharing site to share photos.
Do not feel bad for leaving if she stays. You are not alone in that situation and its a line drawn more often then not with "adult" skids. You have a husband problem though. If he is unwilling to put you and your marriage first, then its on him to solve this. IF his only action is to bulldoze you to eat his shit sandwich, then leave and kudos to you for thinking ahead and renting that apartment. You must have known deep down that you would lose out . Years of coming in second, third, ect.... will do that to a woman.
You wouldn't feel awful for not wanting a toxic stranger in your home, don't think twice about a relative. Blood doesn't excuse bad behavior, a DH shouldn't either, but it looks like he does. Shame on him..
Good for you! Does you DH
Good for you! Does you DH know about the apartment? Now you have a retreat. Don't fight or make an issue of it all; that is a game they play. Just have a heads up and move all your valuables to your apartment. Let you DH come to you, so you can discuss the overall problems.
Set boundaries and stick to them for yourself. You cannot control DH nor SD's relationship, just let it be their problem, don't make it your problem. Move forward with what is necessary to give yourself peace.
Sorry you are going thru this. (((hugs))))
Yes he knows about the
Yes he knows about the apartment and we have been to counselling. He has been told to set boundaries with his adult daughter by both counselors and our Pastor. He is just so scared of her for some strange reason! She will never contact him unless she is demanding something and treats him so awful! I refuse to be anywhere around her so I don't get her emotional abuse. But its heartbreaking that he does. He hasn't responded to her message yet.. I posted the message under this comment. Thanks for the hugs! I seriously thought since SD was grown we wouldn't have these issues! Silly me!
Welcome to my world,
Welcome to my world, tinkertiff. I have watched DH be verbally abused and used for his money for years! At this very moment, DH's eyes are open wide to his daughter's abuse of their relationship. I don't know if they will stay that way since he just had this awakening last night, but I'm hopeful.
What I can tell you is that my hubby was scared of his daughter too. He was afraid that she wouldn't love him and would cut him out of her life if he didn't do exactly as she wished. He was afraid of her temper tantrums. He was willing to be a victim of his own guilt for not having a relationship with her mother and was afraid to discipline her or correct her because, as a weekend father, he didn't really know how to parent.
At this very moment, DH is tired of bending over backwards to accommodate her and receiving nothing but hate in return so he's cutting her off. It seems he's decided that his dignity & self-respect are worth more to him at this moment than his fear of offending his daughter.
As sad as it is to see this abuse with your own eyes, it is equally saddening to see DH come to terms with the fact that he means little to nothing to the child he has sacrificed much of his life for.
The message
This is the message she sent: You and your wife should really work out your issues with me coming over sometime soon. Because, I work in new market square nowand it'd be nice if I didn't have to drive 30 mins. to work every single day. I work 10 hour days sometimes and it'd be convenient if I had somewhere to go for my hour break for lunch during the day sometimes. Just preserving gas.... There is NO WAY I'm letting her use my home as a hotel anylonger and I'm very prepared to leave if she does! DH still hasn't repled and I'm staying out of it! Totally disengaged! At 20 years old why doesn't SD get her own place instead of using Daddy's? I'm very easy to get along with but absoultly can not tolerate her entittled narcisstic behavior!
DH Problem
I think you might have a DH problem more than a SD problem. Something I recently figured out (I'm either slow or never occurred to me) that my H has been doing. He uses me as an excuse. Such as, nope, I can't give you some cash because second1 will have a problem or anything else wherein he states that it will cause problems with me. First off, why does she know you and your DH are having any issues at all. I just realized that my H has been throwing me under the bus quite regularly. He has even tried with my ds and my grands. I think it is important for him that they like him more except it doesn't work with my family because they always end up commenting on what he said to them. Of course they thinks it is a joke but, in reality, it is not funny.
Have the locks changed
She would not be coming and going at her leisure. Time for her to get her own place. One close to work or learn to commute, dads house is no longer available for her to spend time there. The issue is hers to deal with, not yours.
The locks where changed
The locks where changed months ago while I was preparing for this to happen this summer. She just doesn't know it yet, unless she has came by while both of us are at work and realized her key didn't work! Pretty sure if that happened she would have thrown a fit and would of texted me. Like she did when we were on vacation and she realized I had put a lock on the my bedroom door so she couldn't go through my things! She "lost" my dog for a few hours to get back at me for that one!
Are you kidding?
That message is rude, arrogant and drips of entitlement: “You and your wife should really work out your issues with me coming over sometime soon.” Are you kidding? That alone is cause to lock her out.
No, you are most definately
No, you are most definately NOT awful. She is an adult and you would not tolerate any other adult abusing you or your home so why would you feel guilty about not tolerating her doing those things?
Why would you leave YOUR home and abandon it to a toxic invader? Answer: You shouldn't.