Incriminating photo
Hi everyone! So early this morning I wake up with a whole bunch of messages. I open the messages and there are several pictures of my SD and her best friend drunk around a table of booze and dope! These 2 girls are smart, beautiful, and super evil. They are both on break from University and could get in some serious trouble with these pictures! Should I show DH? His cognitive disociance is wearing off concering her but I hate to break his heart. He thinks the world of this evil little woman! She has alot of enemies because of how she treats people and one of those enemies is the one who sent me the pictures. I'm sure they could loose their scholarships and housing at the University and get in major trouble! My SD has already got a MIP and had to complete drug court and rehab 2 years ago. What do I do? Thank you!
Resond to the person who sent it
"I cannot get involved at this point. Do what you think you should do with this picture."
If you do anything directly you will always be the villan.
Oh my. This is the step
Oh my. This is the step daughter that wants access to your home during her lunch hour, correct?
In all honesty, I don’t know if I’d immediately share this knowledge or these photos, but I’d definitely keep them stored away on my phone.
She and her reckless lifestyle sounds like a huge liability.
Yes this is the same one. DH
Yes this is the same one. DH promises he won't let her. I showed him the picture and told him those girls could get in serious trouble. He said we are to let it go and not do anythng. She is an adult and will have to learn so maybe he is sincerly out from under her spell? Not sure, unfortunatly time will only tell.
That’s at least a healthy
That’s at least a healthy stance for him to take. To let it go. That she’s an adult (legally speaking), and she’ll face the consequences if caught.
I don't know if I would show
I don't know if I would show it to him. On one hand, it's not your problem, on the other hand, if she loses her scholarship and housing, it could be your problem. I guess it depends on whether you think it would do any good. Would your husband do anything about it? Would it open his eyes?
It certainly shows a good reason why she should not be allowed to use your home whenever she wants.
I am pretty open with my husband about his daughter and I, myself, would probably show him, if this happened with my SD. I just wouldn't like him looking like a chump, thinking his daughter is all innocence and cream puffs.
Print the picture, frame it
Print the picture, frame it and leave it in a conspicuous place. If DH asks about it just reply that you printed it out because it's a good picture of his daughter. He should be the one to chose to deal with it or not. If you are contributing to funding SD's college, separate finances and don't give her another cent.
this is to funny!! I'm not
Why did this "enemy" of SD
Why did this "enemy" of SD send this to you and not her father?
I would respond back to the sender "not sure why you sent this to me, I am not her parent. Please forward to her father if you think it's necessary." And then stay out of it.
Don't be a pawn!
Yes, this is the smart move, SacrificialLamb.
The sender is lethal. Don't be that person's pawn. Why didn't the sender send the photos directly to the dad? The sender is banking on you playing the villian, thinking you'll do the dirty work of telling dad. Don't do it.
I'd tell the sender not to contact you again regarding SD because you are not her parent and leave it at that.
Your SD has earned some real enemies out there. You don't want to be part of that kind of malicious meddling. Nor do you want the sender to think you'll play along out of your own motives.
If you think there might be a day when SD gets in more trouble and it comes out that you knew she was partying and didn't act on the information, just say you received a text, but couldn't open the photos so you didn't know anything about it. (Technology is so imperfect!) But it's unlikely that it will come out, especially because the sender obviously didn't want to get her or his hands dirty.
You've been put in a difficult position. Protect yourself and your marriage first.
To late I showed him! But he
To late I showed him! But he isn't very concered about it, so I'm not going to bring it up again. I think I'm more worried about her success and well being than anyone else and that's pretty sad because I don't even like her. I do love her alot though and although I want her to learn her life lessons I also don't want to see her ruin her life.
Now would be a good time to
Now would be a good time to negotiate what will happen if she's kicked out of school.
I'm not sure...
... what I would have done. Probably exactly what you did which is hop out here on ST and get a boat load of opinions. That being said, your husband's #1 job right now needs to be getting that Sh1t off socials media.
We had a somewhat similar incident a few years back when the spawn (then 17) was posting semi-nude pictures of his 14yo girlfriend on social media. Perhaps a different level of severity depending on the laws in your state/country but in this punk's case with the age difference between the two of them he could have potentially been put on a "sex offenders" list which is a BIG deal even if there wasn't statutory rape involved (there was becuase of the age gap).
Not to mention that 92% of employers check at least one form of social media before hiring anyone these days and this data/pictures/videos/whatever NEVER GO AWAY! I'm pretty sure kiddy porn isn't on their "positives" list when offering someone a job.
That being said... I'm STOKED that this stuff wasn't around when I was in high school or I would likely have ended up cut into little pieces in a heavily wooded area wasy-back-when.
I'm not sure these kids will ever learn!
I like this approach. It
I like this approach. It removes you from the equation of knowledge and drama that it brings.
OP, even though you already showed DH the photo, I’d shoot this person a very to the point text that DH needs to receive this insider info from now on and respectfully not you.
Sooo glad there weren't digital photos in my day
Errr.... that's what I did at college, too. But it was a lot harder to show evidence. Sounds like they're having a good time. I don't get what the big deal is?
I think a lot of us did but
I think a lot of us did but times are so different now and schools and employers do not want to invest in the party animals. I'm not mad at heart all, just worried she will mess up her bright future. There's nothing I can do though. It's all over our small town.
this is in the US right?
I'm American - so don't get me wrong, I'm not dissing the US - but it's attitudes like this that make me really glad my son isn't growing up there (that and the school shootings! and the health insurance!) and that people have a bit more of a chilled attitude here in the UK. This would not matter at all for FUTURE employment here.
I agree nowadays things are different and it's easier to produce and share evidence and I think I started talking to my son at 9 or 10 about being really careful with social media and digital images. But aside from that - good for her - she SHOULD have fun when she's young.
I grew up in a small town in the South and everyone was so judgey - someone was petty and ridiculous. Guess what - they're judgement hasn't really affected me at all in the rest of my life... As long as she isn't plastering this all over instagram or whatever the kids are doing these days, then it will be difficult for future employers to get much traction on her partying ways.
Ignorance is bliss. Tell the
Ignorance is bliss. Tell the *spy* to send photos to the appropriate authority and not you, because SD's not your problem.
Natural Consequences
I think this is a case of just letting natural consequences happen. some people just have to learn the hard way and it's on them to learn it.