SPs really can and do experience PTSD when it comes to these type of experiences.  Many of us throw that term around 1/2-way joking, but really we are not.  The meaning is: Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

This is part of the reason why it is doubly hurtful when people tell you things like, suck it up and take it, or what is the big deal?  It is only a 1/2 hour? Or, similar such nonsense.  When you are put in a position where no one rrecognizes your role, and sometimes not even your own husband, and you witness and experience multiple family members throwing you under the bus over and over and getting away with it, PTSD is exactly what starts to occur.  You start to wonder when the next bomb is going to drop, even once you are supposedly in a "safe" envrionment.

I'd actually suggest googling or binging the term or to even see a counselor and treat what you are feeling as PTSD.  I had a horrible, horrible experience about 4 years ago, and I'm just now starting to feel I'm coming more to terms with all of this anti-SP crap that goes on out there, and how I can hold my head high and deal with it accordingly and at the same time, keep my marriage with my DH safe and sound.  It is not easy.  But, thank God there is this site where we can help each other out.  

Take care, and best of luck to you.  It may take time for SD and pops to work this out, but you don't have to settle for something that still puts you in the rear seat, either.  Explore your options.

I wrote my SS off about a year and a half ago.  I do not mention his name.  Today DH told me that SS called him and told him how successful he is at selling cars.  He told DH that he sells at least 4 cars a day (he's been doing this for 3 months).  I know how how SS lies so at most he might have addressed 4 people in the parking lot.  I didn't say a word.  DH is so proud of him.

Recently my husband's sister in law was beaten up by her bio son when he stole her car, phone and purse.  DH went on and on about how horrible this man (SS's age approximately) has always been.   Just about bit my tongue off not mentioning the times SS  has attacked his own mother and DH in one of his rages.   The nephew and SS are both utterly worthless human beings, but DH so wants to believe that his son has changed.  So did my sister-in-law - her son was successful in AA for 4-5 years, was working, etc.  Then he went off the deep end again.  SS will do that too.  But I kept my mouth shut.

You need to make sure that you NEVER EVER EVER have anything to do with SD again.  As for your DH with time you may be able to let go of his past actions if he doesn't pressure you to change your mind.  That is what has worked for me.  My only words to DH were "keep him away from me". I didn't yell or scream - but DH knew I was dead serious.   He has not tried to convince me otherwise at all.  I'd prefer that DH never utter SS's name, but I pretty much just nod and change the subject when he does.  Part of me wanted to point out SS's lies about his "new found success" as I know it's all BS - but I just ignored it.

What works for me is just not caring if SS is dead or alive, successful or not - he's just utterly irrelevant to my life.

That taste in your soul? It is what so many SPs feel, despite, as you say, being poitive and happy people. I sometimes think that these DH's are attracted to women like us because they think they will be so nice and kind to the Skids. The idea that their offspring might treat their SPs with respect and decency never even comes onto their radar. They are unable to see the defects that we see, and so to point them out only reveals the defects they see in us. To them those defects cannot be defended. They hand the power over because it is easier to witness grown women fighting (as they see it) for their attention. It feeds the ego some men didn't even realise they had.

Disengagement is the key to getting over the disdain you feel for SD- but sometimes it can also turn to disdain for the man you thought would be on your side but lets you down over and over again. The resultant anxiety is something we can all recognise and is often the thing that leads us to seek help, it certainly was for me.

You were wrong to assume your Sd was an adult- to DH she is still the little girl that adored him for all the treats he let her have, and he does not know how to transfer that relationship into an adult one.They get locked into his mutual need to pretend he is the great provider and she is his little darling princess cupcake. It takes a hell of a shift to change that mindset in these co-dependents.

What do you do now? Stay here and learn, maybe go to counselling, certainly disengage, work on yor self esteem and try relaxation to ease those anxieties.  As Idvilen has so wisely said, think of your options, plan ahead, and put yourself first. I hope it works out, but accept that it may not...

it never ceases to surprise me how some fathers can self castrate in order to appease their adult children.  this is especially true for the daughters who are mini wives.

i agree with fairyo.  your h still thinks his daughter is a little girl.

disengagement is the solution.  it has helped me immensely.

Many of us are on this site because we married weak, conflict avoidant people who don't parent well. Welcome to the club.

We often see posts about problematic young adult skids. Maybe because there's so much change going on between the ages of 18 - 21? Or because an already spoiled skid thinks they can throw their weight around even more because "I'm an adult now"? To be fair, it can be a challenging time for any parent. The kids want autonomy one day, and regress the next. Ugh.

It's great that you're in couples counseling to work through this poo. Your skid needs to learn how to adult, and your DH needs to learn how to draw healthy boundaries while encouraging her to be independent. He could start by telling her that in most situations, there's a right way and a wrong way to go about things, and that trying to dictate terms to other adults is the wrong way.

is worse than Buckleys. The only way to stay sane is to focus on yourself. I highly doubt that these weak dads ever hold their precious pumpkins accountable for their actions. Remember they are always the victims and daddy is their rescuer, we are the persecutors if we dare challenge any of this. 

Aw, man, I just wrote a rambling post on another thread about not letting SDs control our minds!

Your problem SD will still be there after you ace your state exam! Get down to business and get studying because there would be nothing more pleasing to SD than thinking you failed your exam. And if she knew she had a role in it, she'd be over the moon!

Forget about why your husband didn't easily take a stand. None of us can figure out why our husbands don't take a stand!  Focus on the fact that the counselor got through to him and he's trying. You're right -- surely this isn't the end of it. But you have work to do now that is more important. And your husband is on the right track, so support his effort. Don't overtalk it, don't dwell on what might come down the pike.

The best thing you can do is spend these peaceful days enjoying your marriage so your husband sees how great life can be when he does the right thing regarding SD. Just like training your dog...positive reinforcement! If you can keep up that good momentum, the resentment subsides. It takes a lot of time, and there will be events of resentment, but it gets better the longer you go without a flare up.

Now go study!!!