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DH's family is speechless - that's a first

3_steps_ahead's picture

Haven't posted much in a while, but this time DH's family has me scratching my head a little bit. Without going into too much background, YSD (now 20) whom DH and I had raised for years decided that when she turned 18 that she was an adult and that she could do anything that she wanted which included lying, stealing and threatening her 8 year old half sister. After she was told that she either needed seek counseling and respect everyone in the household or she needed to look for her own place to live. YSD chose to leave (but told everyone that I had thrown her out) and move in with a friend's family and then within a few months, decided to join the Army. Since YSD left our home, she made sure to lie about DH and I about pretty much anything and everything that she could think of. One of her biggest lies was that the whole problem between her and DH was simply because DH didn't agree with her joining the military (even though DH & YSD stopped talking for a full 2 months prior to her ever considering joining the army and DH has always been a supporter of our troops.)

Since so many members of DH's family believed YSD's lies, many of DH's family members have made it a point to go on and on whenever they run into us about how mature YSD has become since joining the army just over a year ago and how she's supposedly received 4 promotions within less than a year, etc., etc. Basically, they never miss an opportunity to try to brag about YSD to DH because they want to throw it in DH's face and convince him that YSD is having a much better life in the army than anything we could ever provide her with (even though her joining was never the problem).

Well, within the last month, all of a sudden DH's family has gone silent. DH and I weren't thinking much about it and quite frankly just enjoyed the peace and quiet. Then, I get a call from my aunt asking me why I didn't tell her that YSD had gotten married last month. :jawdrop: I reminded my aunt that DH and I got off of Facebook completely after all of the drama from YSD so we wouldn't know and that this was the first I was hearing about it.
Turns out, YSD married a young man who she's known only for a matter of months because he is getting deployed. While DH and I recognize that YSD is definitely a carbon copy of BM and that she is more than likely just looking at this young man as nothing more than a cash grab and is most likely trying to get pregnant so that she can avoid getting deployed herself, we both agree that she is an adult and that this is not our problem and really none of our business. The part that I'm wondering is why all of a sudden the constant "bragging" from DH's family has stopped? Maybe I'm stupid to get my hopes up, but I'm wondering if a light bulb is finally going off in their dim-witted brains and if they're finally starting to pick up on some of YSD's impulsive, immature and manipulating behaviors. Quite frankly, I'm not sure what this sudden silence from a loud, boisterous, manipulative and dysfunctional family means (if anything) as this is completely uncharted territory. Have any of you out there experienced anything like this?

hismineandours's picture

Nah, my idiot inlaws think that ss is doing pretty darn well despite the fact that his is 15, on probation, and currently awaiting a probation revocation hearing to find out whether he will have to go to detention for awhile or have some alternate punishment. Also in spite of the fact that he failed all his classes last year except gym and a basic computer class. Despite the fact that he was suspended at least 3 times-out of school-no telling how many in school suspensions-and one of those was for 2 weeks. Despite the fact that he was unable to utilize school transportation from January until this just recently because of his bad behaviors on the bus. Yep, they think he is really doing pretty well-he's just a kid after all and he's got such shitty parents and stepparents-so none of it is his fault anyway, right?

3_steps_ahead's picture

I would say that while most *normal* daughters would tell daddy, all 3 of my SDs never did as they spent the majority of their lives being PAS'd by their BM's. OSD never really had any relationship with DH from the beginning and she decided to elope at a young age since she didn't want to hear any lectures from her BM or anyone else about her decisions. MSD has had nothing to do with DH ever since DH got custody of YSD years ago (MSD & YSD have same BM). I think part of the reason that MSD's BM didn't want DH to find out about MSD's marriage was because even though they lived in a different state at that point, the CS order was still out of NY and DH had to pay CS to BM until MSD turned 21 unless there was another "emancipating event" (like marriage). We found out later on that MSD got married well before her 21st bday.
As for YSD, I agree that she wants to "punish" daddy for not doing everything she wanted him to do (leave me and bio daughter and come running after her) and that is probably why she is keeping her marriage info silent from him (for now). Still, if anyone should know how DH would react to all of this, it would be YSD since she actually lived with us for over 6 years. YSD knew that OSD and MSD were both married and had children and that the grandkids were kept from DH as a form of "punishment" and YSD knows that DH doesn't play those pining and regret games - never has and never will. Incredibly, DH has been an absolute rock through all of these years (18 years that I've known him). He has simply said that he hopes that the 3 SD's all have wonderful and long lives - just far, far away from us.

HisOtherHalf's picture

They're probably just regrouping. It's difficult to come up something about her recent decision. They'll probably watch for a while and when te honeymoon is over and teres a problem, find a way blame you/him. Stay alert:)

shes driving me crazy in my retirement's picture

They are probably a bit shocked that you and your hubby had no clue she had gotten married. When a member of the family separates themselves like that from father/mother it means that there is something more than meets the eye going on with them.

Also they may not want to hurt your feelings about you know knowing things. Hard to tell, but enjoy the silence.

Wonder how long it will be before SD brings up the matter of her being married to your H and what his response will be.