Will It Ever Stop?
In talking with YSD's siblings, I highly doubt things will ever change in terms of her being a beggar. I found out that while she was at her brother's on Christmas Day she did laundry. I could've sworn Christmas Eve when talking to same brother that was not an option! YSD's youngest brother's girlfriend told me they basically walked in the door that day, said "hello" then asked where the washer and dryer were as they carried in their dirty clothes! 11 or more people over there and they are washing clothes. But wait..in the photos YSD and her husband were wearing the same exact clothes they wore to my home Christmas Eve! Oh come on.
I was looking at their photos on Facebook of YSD and she is getting really fat. I've told YSD she needs to stop putting on so much weight as her husband can't afford to feed much less clothe her family and I didn't want to see her be large like me. Right now at 22 years old, YSD doesn't see how gaining 20+ pounds a year can eventually hurt her. I'm 41 and having tons of health problems and my weight is contributing to them. If I don't stay on a limited calorie plan (like using my NutriSystem) I gain weight really fast..like 20 lbs. in under 6 months. YSD's husband wants her to get large and keeps complaining her butt is not big enough!
I did talk to YSD's older sister Saturday and when YSD and her hubby lived with their family it was the same charity case crap. YSD's hubby would not buy shampoo, conditioner, makeup for her and yes ladies, insisted YSD ask her sister for TAMPONS as he didn't want to fork the money out for that each month. Obviously older SD is glad they no longer live there and also can't stand her sister's DH. I think this man is a lot of the reason YSD has gotten used to begging. But wait..there's more.
I know those of you who truly enjoy reading my posts will love this! YSD's husband has decided now that he got a "newer" car, that he wants to spend hundreds of dollars of his income tax refund making his car sound LOUDER. People it's a 2003 or 2004 Chevy Aveo! It's not like he got a NICE Ford Mustang. When YSD's youngest brother and girlfriend heard him bragging on that they flipped and started saying to themselves it really sucks that instead of making sure the family is provided for, YSD's husband will once again blow the money on himself and continue making YSD beg for their basic needs.
Back when YSD was pregnant with her son in 2008, we helped them out over $1,000 financially on the terms it would all get paid back. We've never seen a dime of it. It taught me that they have no respect for others much less how it hurt us financially to be that giving as it wasn't spread out over a year but more like in under 4 months so my DH and I did WITHOUT to help them and it was taken for granted.
DH knows I really don't care to have anything to do with YSD coming over here anymore. We are nothing more than a free meal and a place to do laundry. I don't care what it costs to go out to eat, I'll find a cheap place and would rather take them out for a meal than have them in my home 5 or more hours constantly worrying their son will break my things and having them camp out in front of the tv set instead of visiting with us. I don't know why my DH thinks YSD loves him. It sure isn't the kind of love I'd want my 9 year old son to show me when he hits his 20's. I know my DH doesn't want to mention his children and their needs to me but our cell phone bill doesn't lie. It's in my name and I can tell based on call logs when he's being texted or called for favors vs. genuine conversation if that makes sense.
I have YSD on block now and given she was here on Christmas Eve I don't plan to see her again til late January. Her wedding anniversary (married after she got pregnant) is January 5th but no presents from us. I felt like she turned her nose up at the $50 Wal-Mart gift card we got her. Last year she got more $$$ in value from us but I warned her this year everyone gets same damn thing given her Dad lost a huge cut in his monthly salary after taxes.
I don't think the begging will ever end. If I didn't think I'd catch hell from my DH, I'd block YSD from calling his phone too. At least with her blocked from MY cell phone, it means my DH has to run anything she wants by me unless of course he has the money to fund her latest grovel and beg session. YSD wants to have her Mirena device removed this summer to get pregnant with another baby and I told DH if she pulls that stunt, she's in her own hell. I'm not taking her to ob/gyn appointments, babysitting, etc.
I feel I've been more than kind to all the stepchildren and don't need additional stress. I'm having serious health issues and need to get myself well. I'm being checked to see if I have narcolepsy as I want to sleep more than I want to be awake. People ask me if it's because of the stepchildren but I was fine say 6 months ago. I'm not going to let bratty grown children ruin my life but at times I feel like my spouse is PUNISHING me because I don't bow down to his children? Anyone relate? Here my DH doesn't do the daddy thing with my son who lives with us but he'll bend over backwards for his own children who live outside our home? Just doesn't seem fair. My son is 9 and moldable. He isn't set in his ways and is being taught how to treat people with respect and not ask for what we cannot afford. My son got gift cards and money for Christmas and took them to put inside the desk in his bedroom. He knows by counting them what we can go buy the next time we go to Wal-Mart and Best Buy when he'd like a new video game. He isn't saying I need to pay for more stuff since the holidays are over--big difference.
I really am trying to keep calm. DH goes back to work on Monday of this week and my son and I will have a week together while he is still out of school to hang out together and enjoy each other's company. I'm a "hands on" mom so I can see why DH's children look at him strangely. DH never wanted kids but let 2 ex-wives convince him otherwise and it sure does show in his parenting skills. He'd rather be a friend than a father to them and they sure know how to work him over!