Adult SD Takes a Shot Any Chance She Gets
DH has been very ill and after a trip to the hospital ER and a difficult diagnosis and treatment plan, I sent email to his estranged daughter with medical information. She is not on his list of people able to access his medical records. I felt that I was being appropriate--giving her a medical update. She called and she and DH spoke briefly and it was not a good exchange. I then received the following mail from her.
"I am writing to kindly request updates on Dad's condition. He mentioned that he has been experiencing health issues for the past three to four weeks, and that he was even hospitalized at one point. As his only child, I believe it's important for me to be kept in the loop about his well-being.
I would greatly appreciate it if you could let me know as soon as possible when there are any significant developments regarding his health. It's concerning to hear him talk as if his condition may be life-threatening, and I want to make sure I'm informed and able to support him in any way I can.
Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. "
The tone of this just put me off. I felt like a volcano. I haven't and don't plan to reply. I informed her in a timely manner. I think that given any opportunity she is just going to take a shot at me with rudeness and disrespect. I'm so sensitive and quick to anger with her, but our history is so bad. She hates me and I can't stand her.
Ignore
I would not even respond to that. You take care of your DH and you get the info to her WHEN YOU HAVE TIME. Not on her schedule. She's just being a biotch because you DID let her know.
I'm sure I'll deal with this same behavior if my DH gets ill....I have 4 out of 5 of DHs kids that are on the "nutter" spectrum and what I told you is exactly what I will do.
From your previous posts,
From your previous posts, this SD is trying to gain POA and control of your husband's assets. You should probably meet with a lawyer to make sure you are legally protected.
POA
We are legally protected. Our lawyer is a fellow evil stepmother. It is an unhappy situation and I am grateful for this group that understands our misery over SD. The parental alienation program her BM instigated was thorough.
A bit off-putting for sure
Im so sorry you are going through this! I re-read your previous blogs for some reference, and you have moved to a new place and things were improving in all different ways for you two, earlier this year. So this is a recent evelopment.
Shes not concerned about her father, and shes a horrible person. Just horrible. So its not that she cares so much about your DH, her own father, she is just trying to get in there and poke you. The whole "Im his only daughter and I must be included in everything to do with his health" etc etc. Eff her, I say.
Please ignore her and just focus on you and your DH. Too much water under that bridge, but you need to conserve your energy for the time ahead for the medical journey with your DH.
she's trying to sound
she's trying to sound concerned yet capable. just ignore her e-mail and when you do have to tell her things concerning her dad use as few words as possible. As if you were telling a polite stranger.
"use as few words as possible
"use as few words as possible"
Words of 3 syllables or less and very simple sentences - subject, verb, object - as if you were telling a not very bright stranger.
"Savior" daughter
I have a contentious relationship with my SD, too. Not as bad as you have it, though.
I had a similar feeling in August when I came down with covid. I was really sick, weak, coughing, fever, etc. Luckily, I got Paxlovid early but it was still bad. DH86 had sniffles but nothing else. When SD heard I was sick, she immediately went into Head Nurse mode and demanded DH86 be tested. I wasn't opposed but he didn't want to go. She suggested strongly that I pack him up and take him to Urgent Care. When I hesitated, she decided to take him herself but he resisted.
I was so angry at her abrasive tone. After I calmed down that night, I decided she was right, he did need testing. My DD brought over some tests and yes, he did have it. His internist said that with his mild symptoms and the length of time since he had been exposed, that Paxlovid wouldn't be effective. He recovered and now denies he ever had it.
But, I know the next time he has a medical emergency, the "savior" Head Nurse will be telling me/demanding what to do and I dread it.
Nurse "Crack-chet!"
Nurse "Crack-chet!"
Lol
Yeah, heal yourself first, SD.
I hope your DH has a quick
I hope your DH has a quick recovery. And I wouldn't respond to that email AT ALL.
My DH's kids are in total denial about their Dad's health. They haven't seen him in about a year and a half and in that time we almost lost him. He now looks like and moves like a little old man. Recovery is slow and he'll never be completely strong again.
But it's not my responsibility, and they wouldn't accept it from me anyway, to keep them "in the loop."
I'm Done
It is enough after this for me to love and care for my DH and not try with SD. She's already missed his last good years before illness changed his personality. Stick a fork in me and I wish your DH as full a recovery as possible.
Translation: "As his only
Translation: "As his only daughter I need to know when I'll receive my inheritance." Hopefully never.
His will
He is leaving her his arrowhead collection. You should have seen me keep a straight face at the lawyer's office. I about lost it. Before we moved, she asked point blank what she could expect and he told her. If she didn't believe him--that's her problem. After the hell she put us through, all assets re in both of our names. For 15 years though, it was SD in the driver's seat. I know that wives in my situation don't always prevail in the end, but I am in charge in my family by the hardest.
I truly don't understand how
I truly don't understand how estranged family members think that they are owed anything. Any information to be shared, medical or otherwise, is entirely up to you and your husband. It is not for her to demand.
The times that my husband has been in the hospital, he did not want his daughter (or other family members) to know until later, after he was home. His choice and I honored it.
I'm glad that you did not reply, that would just give her some kind of acknowledgement, and she doesn't deserve any.
So sorry about all of this
So sorry about all of this
I feel your pain!
What a garbage-truck load of toxicity. I'm so sorry!
Yeah...I would read that
Yeah...I would read that email and feel jarred from it. Take it as a wonderful blessing that you know where she stands. I remind myself daily that the SKIDs do not care about me - they see me as an obstacle and will likely never view me for all that I am and all that I have done for them. It's a reminder that you need to move on and see her the way she sees you.
Re-send your earlier update to her.
Add "I informed you in a timely manner. See the below message I sent you on MM/DD/YYYY."
Say nothing else.
Make sure that Medical POA and the Will are fully in order so she can't interject.
Take care of you and DH.
Oh!!! Type up a fake
Oh!!! Type up a fake automated reply and send it to her:
"This is an automated reply. I am away from my computer and will get back to you shortly."