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DH contacted BM after 20 years about Adult SD behavior

Marianne's picture

DH recently contacted BM about his adult daughter's behavior--his sister in Europe told him about SD exposing her nude body to her husband when SD visited them five years ago. He hadn't been in contact with his sister prior to their recent catch-up. DH and BM have not spoken for nearly 20 years. I tried to get him to leave it alone--assured him that he would only hurt himself contacting her. He had to do it. She messaged back a few days later that she contacted his sister, called him a liar, and said that nothing of the sort ever happened. Now the sister has cancelled their future facetime meetings. I can't really blame her. DH is not in good health. I don't think his motives were pure in contacting BM. SD and BM have a codependent, narcissist, relationship. I'm not involved in any communications or non-communications about this, but it has upset me. I get overly into snacking and binge watching dramas on TV to blank out. Today, I'm returning to my life and fighting for a peaceful and more productive existence in retirement and being a caregiver.

Harry's picture

There was no reason to contact BM over this.  You know she would not believe her good little girl would do something like that.  It's has to be DH fault. He's breathing too much air.   And getting his sister involved in this mess wasn't good 

CajunMom's picture

20 years of no-contact and he chose THAT to contact BM about??? As Harry said, no reason to do that. As we all know in StepHell, most info we get our hands on only does US good in validation...never any good in resolving troubles. 

Your DH needs to consider apologizing to his sister for betraying her confidence. I'm pretty sure she never meant for that to go anywhere than with him (and you). As for the BM, make it another 20 years of no contact. 

Marianne's picture

I think he wanted to talk about his daughter's criminal mind and get her some help. He feels awful now. His sister accepted his apology. Lesson learned.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Doesn't DH have dementia? Did DH's sister cancel facetime meetings with your husband (her own brother) after a phone call from a BM who's been out of the picture for decades? Are you sure your husband is even giving you all the facts? This whole situation sounds crazy. Hopefully DH's own family will be understanding of his condition. 

Marianne's picture

 DH is able to make decisions, but the bad ones are impulsive and out of my control. His sister needed some time to process what was probably an attack dog communication from a woman she's never met. I hope that he can at least remember that it is a no no to have any dealings with his daughter.

Rags's picture

It is sad that DH's sister is a coward.

If a child of mine bared their junk to my sibling's mate, that kid would rue the day.  If my X said one word about me shredding the skank spawn for that crap, the X would also rue the day.

The good news is, my sibling would have most likely dealt with the skank gonad bareing POS kid immediatley and in such a way that the kid would have snivleing body quacking nighmares for the rest of their skank POS life.


Take care of you.

Thumper's picture

his sister in Europe told him about SD exposing her nude body to her husband when SD visited them five years ago. 


So Sorry that 'this' is part of your life. 

I can relate is some way to the unbelieved shocking things I've experienced AND witnessed all because of bm, and her kids and her family.