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Why do narcissistic exes move on quickly and downgrade?

caitlinj's picture

Why do narcissistic exes almost always downgrade and why do they move on so quickly?

Letti.R's picture

They take what they can get: whoever falls for their song and dance routine, so that they can get a new emotional fix. 

Seriously, if he/she is your ex, it shouldn’t bother you as to when or who they shack up with: you are rid of the rubbish...

It may also be that in one’s general judgment the new person is a down grade, but it isn’t really nice to make those judgments of people you may not know, especially since we were the ones who originally fell for someone who was probably a low life too. 

Just let it go. 

shamds's picture

Their ego and narcissism needs a constant boost to feed into their ego. They know they are batshit crazy so they sucker onto whoever is too blind to see through their crap. Then they brag how in demand they are rhey could score someone at the snap of a finger...

my husbands exwife married the week divorce papers were finalized where she claimed how heartbroken that hubby divorced her and it made her become a psycho but in the final year they were married she’d been ho-bagging her ex high school sweetheart. He is a policeman who left his wife for my husbands exwife, she is even scheming behind her current husband to hide assets on the premise of “its for the kids” and wants my husband to help- of course he ignored her. 

You’ll also find that these narcissists will intermittently try to initiate contact and bring their ex’s into their drama because their ego can’t stand the fact they suck at relationships because they aren’t really committed truly to a relationship so it pisses them off that their ex’s have moved on

even now my sd’s intermittently contact their dad or when meeting him are bragging about their mum or ranting about her life story like their dad gives a shit (which he doesn’t) so he lets them rant on and doesn’t comment on anything so its like they are talking to a brick wall.

i also read that narcissists tend to marry people of authority as its all about a “look at me i’m important respectable and upper class type complex”

me and hubby we go about our day not giving a rats arse about the exwife... after a relationship ends, the emotional connection should end especially if it was due to abuse or infidelity 

Swim_Mom's picture

...my ex-H is a narcissist and downgraded several times - he's currently single. DH's ex was dating a total loser a few years back, as they were divorcing - she's also single. And a narcissist. We joke that we should fix them up. Only at least my ex is hot - DH's ex has definitely let herself go - yuck!

And DH has majorly upgraded...but he is no narcissist!

readingandlearning's picture

A narcissist uses people for supply. Everything in the relationship is all about them and their needs. They relationship hop because they cannot be alone. They always need supply. When you are in a hurry to find supply you can't be too picky. They usually go for the first supply that presents itself therefore it being low quality. A red flag of a narcissist is someone who moves on quickly after a break up. They are addicted to supply and not very selective about finding it.

Kes's picture

It is all about them and their needs - they are not really interested in their partner's needs - only what they can get from them.  They don't like being alone - anyone is better than no-one.    Read some of the literature on narcissism, there are plenty of informative books on Amazon.  I realised early on that NPD BM was "every box ticked" narcissist.  The grandiosity, the lying, the selfishness, exploitativeness, arrogance, entitlement and the feeling that she is special and everyone must pander to her. 

marsaidstep's picture

Narcissists cannot be alone. They are of weak character and need to fill the emptiness within them. Being alone is frightening for them because they need constant attention and validation from someone, anyone. They need supply right away to fill the void. When you need supply that quickly you cannot be choosey, hence their rebound relationship gets very serious quickly yet their rebound person is usually nothing to brag about, physically or otherwise. It is usually just another needy person with issues. 

usedtobeamajor's picture

      Because they are users and don't truly care about people. My family and I highly suspect my sister is a narcissist. She is divorced with two children. She treated her first husband, the father of her children, terribly. At first he was the greatest guy in the world. Then after some time passed he was the worst person alive. Life does not work that way. I know the guy wasn't perfect but he was a decent guy who worked a lot to provide for their kids and to give her what she wanted. It seems he could never do enough for her. She was always bad mouthing him to us.

       The narcissists cycle is always the same.....honeymoon, devalue and discard.  The devaluing and discard is all the same too.......manipulation, lies, bullying, threatening and kicking out. She would bully and yell at him frequently and threaten to kick him out of their home then she blamed HIM for leaving her! lol. This usually happened after he caught her in a lie or he stood up for himself. She dogged him to friends and family making him out to be the bad guy. Fast forward to a month later, they are still married but seperated. She jumps into a serious relationship with another guy. The same cycle repeats itself. Several years after being together that guy left because he could not take her verbal abuse. He seemed like a decent guy too and was willing to help her raise her kids, got to know them well, etc. Then she abused him and he left. They hadn't even been broken up a month and she is already with another guy. This guy is long distance so he probably can't see how she really is.......yet.

   Another thing. Narcissists love social media. She will often post about how much she loves her kids and I am thinking "hello your kids aren't on facebook or instagram. How about you tell them you love them, show them and spend time with them?" She also can't wait to drop her kids off at grandma's to go visit her new boyfriend for the weekend who lives over 700 miles away and she barely knows this guy! My family and I think she's a narcissist. She seems more preoccupied with her own wants than her kids needs. Her focus is more on her new bf than her kids or her job, where her focus should be at the moment. With two failed serious relationships within 5 years you think she would take some time to be alone and focus on where she went wrong on things. But no...... she has to live in fantasy land with her new beau. She is all about herself and her own needs. She is a very selfish person. 

     Something I noticed about narcissists are two things. One is they can't be alone for long because they can't stand their own company and Two they are very selfish people. They tend to use others and are all about themselves. The moment someone stands up for themselves they will bully, discard and replace them quickly. I hope this gives you some understanding. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Well take Psycho for example... She's high maintenance and useless... So any SANE person wouldn't want her... Therefore she's shacked up with druggie, who's too high to realize how much she sucks or that she's already cheated on him quite a bit.  Is what it is!

So basically, they want a person, people do not want them, so they just grab the first person they find.

Rags's picture

Who cares?

Not me.  My XW was knocked up by her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar/baby daddy when she moved out and we filed for divorce.  I had a date the evening she moved out and dated actively immediately after she left.

Why not move on immediately and date while working through the end of the relationship?  In my case I dated actively for three years after my divorce was final and for the 5mos after she moved out until the divorce order was signed by the Judge.  I did not engage in a committed relationship during that time and though not necessarily a conscious decision I did not date women who were long term relationship potential.  

After a few years of active dating for fun I found myself dating three or four women who were all long term partner material.  DW was the final of those four women and after a week of dating DW I ended it with the other three.

My XW had already moved on even before we had discussed divorced. Which is why she was knocked up when she moved out. Hell, she had moved on before we even married. 

XW married after spawning two oowl spawn by her geriatric sperm donor.  He did marry her after their second son was born.  She then got knocked up by a boyfriend.  She was pregnant when her money man booted her cavern crotched adulterous whore skank ass out.  Last I heard sperm donor/cheat partner #2 did marry her. But that status is over 7 years old.  I could not care less about her and never have given a shit about her since our blessedly short (2.5yr) marriage ended.  

When it enters my mind, I gloat that my wife and I thrive together and had out 25th wedding anniversary this past summer while my XW's life has been shit.  The same applies to the SpermIdiot.  He laments that my bride wrote his sleazy ass off before SS turned 1yo and left him to wallow in his shit life.

Living well is the best revenge.  I couldn't care less about my XW... or the SpermIdiot.