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Why would a "horrible" ex husband always be hanging around?

relationshipguru's picture

A woman divorces her husband. They have two kids together (11 and 13). According to her he was abusive, a narcissist, addicted to porn and also had some legal issues that were very concerning. She rebounds and remarries immediately. Her new husband finds out her and her ex husband are good friends and have lunch together frequently, hang out frequently, he is always helping her with household projects when he is at work, etc. This eventually causes a divorce. She rebounds with another guy and marries him immeditately. They move halfway across the country and guess who goes with them? Her ex husband! (Because of "the kids") Even though they do not live together he gets an apartment less than two blocks from their place in order to "see the kids." Her ex is a never ending presence. Her ex also is never dating anyone and has yet to move on from the marriage even though they have been divorced for nearly ten years. Now she is getting divorced from husband number 3 because he is also sick of her exes never ending presence. Why would this woman allow this to continue fo she has no intention on going back to him? And why would he keep hanging around? Also every family event includes only her family and friends, not his but with him there of course. He is like the stray puppy and she controls the narrative always. Why is this?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Maybe she has HPD (Histrionic Personality Disorder) and craves the attention.

There are those who believe their exes should eternally pine for them and never move on. Someone is wrong with the exh to follow her around like that. Very strange. 

advice.only2's picture

This isn’t too hard to believe honestly. My DH’s ex and her second ex-husband are this way.  She cheated on him the whole time they were married, got heavily involved in drugs, started turning tricks to support her habit and even beat the crap out of him with a tire iron and that dude still champions her and would probably go back if she crooked her meth addled finger at him.    

Rags's picture

Because she is an idiot and the poster child for any man within sniffing distance having a comprehensive background check run on her and anyone in her history before getting any closer.  I would not touch her with another mans junk. Much less marry her.

And that.... is the truth.

As I choose to see it.


It is tragic for the kids.  They are screwed for life.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

Addicted to the drama. Forever the main character in their own little soap opera. 

crystaloo's picture

She's probably using him for who knows what? money? security? babysitting? attention? a plan b? whatever she can get? Either way no healthy man would want to be around this mess once he sees the full picture. It sounds like she creates a false narrative to draw them in then the S hits the fan. She sounds like a user and he sounds like a creep with little self respect.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

This smells of enmeshment to me. The woman and first husband are still emotionally dependent on each other. Neither is emotionally available, but the wife keeps dating and marrying, which is all kind of wrong. This is just another example of a Failed First Family that continues to cause collateral damage. Both of them should have a warning label on their forehead.

relationshipguru's picture

Your post is hilarious and so true. It definitely does sound like emeshment or one of those situations where they "can't live with one another and can't live without one another." Either way neither one of them is relationship material. They both need therapy.

Rags's picture

Why? Because the XW is an idiot who likes horrible men and the XH is a failure with a habbit of sniffing his XW's ass.

Not a complicated view IMHO.


Harry's picture

People who remarried, remain friends with the ex.   " once lovers. Can not return to being friends".  I agree that they should get along for young kids.  But that what texting is for.  Not going out together.  I believe once you divorce and get into a new relationship. The ex goes back to old boyfriend status.  

Rags's picture

When it concerns XSpouses, I completely agree.  Though I am sure there are those who do remain friends an XW/XH. 

I do have a very good old friend who I was intimate with shortly after my divorce and about 3yrs before I met my DW.  We are still friends, even she and DW are friends. They have way too much fun together calling me on my bullshit.


For some reason, that caveate works in my world. 

Though there is not a snowballs chance in hell that I would want to be friends with my XW.


MorningMia's picture

DH's ex was like this. Publicly badmouthed him, strongly insinuated he was abusive, yet always wanted him "there." Definitely wanted him to follow her around like some ball-less wonder (used a friend's situation as an example for him). He said (correctly) that she (BPD) simply saw him as insurance. He did not go along with the insurance plan, so that meant eternal punishment. She once told him that if anything happened to her, he had to move into her house for the children's stability. 

Any man who goes for this foolishness is just as sick as the woman.  

Rags's picture

Idiots like this need to know that if they bless the planet by dying, that the X will immediately liquidate their assets, move the children into their world, limiting or eleminating access to the toxic dead X's family, and make their jogging path include a piss stop on the toxic X's grave.