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Why do narcissists get married?

frustratedoneeastcoast's picture

Why do narcissists want to get married so quickly when they have no intentions of wanting to uphold their vows?

relationshipguru's picture

So that people are stuck with them and can't leave when the real them starts to show, for money, someone to help pay their bills, for attention(supply), someone to help raise their kids for them, to prove to the world they are normal (when they are anything but, this is especially true if there was a recent break up where they were the one who was left), to conceal who they really are (if they are gay, bisexual and hiding it) even though it is not fair to their spouse and kids, etc. many narcissists want kids but not a marriage but will use someone to have children with them in order to get child support then leave them or will marry someone who will help them raise their kids who will also contribute to the bills and help raise their children even if they do not love that person. If they marry the person quickly they are stuck with them and it is hard to leave. This is the narcissists trap.

Peach's picture

Yep!

crystaloo's picture

Narcissists marry for money and to prove to the world they are "happy/normal". Narcissists are very active on social media and often brag about their "marriage" on social media frequently. My ex narcissist and I were married immediately after his second divorce. He was very excited to marry again and insistant that we get married quickly. He did this because he was a financial train wreck who needed help paying his bills and to prove to his ex wife, and everyone else on social media, she was the problem, not him. But she wasn't the problem, he was. Also if they can find someone to give them endless supply (attention) and help them with their babysitting that is a plus.

Maxwell09's picture

Easy. To make it harder for their supply (partner) to escape. Remember a narcissist won't leave one supple without securing another first and that mean staying in their current relationship until they've developed a second that with do more than what the first is giving them and that takes time to establish.  

SeeYouNever's picture

Having a spouse and family is all part of the appearances they want to keep up. With narcissists it's all about keeping up appearances.

shamds's picture

Optics state they need to look good or the world feel sorry for the poor single mum who in reality was a abusive narc whore during her marriage and pity me party on her being divorced by her horrible ex husband (in reality exhusband was amazing but refused to tolerate her abuse any longer)

and omg i just found the most amazing man and he's a new daddy to my kids, the one their real dad neglected (in reality he got suckered in and is expected to financially support them all). 

smart people see through their bullshit optics. Normal sane people marry or settle down to build a life and future TOGETHER!! thats the key word that does not exist in a narcs vocabulary or world. Its all about how they can screw people over for money!!

relationshipguru's picture

Wow that sounds exactly like BM. Spot on exactly. She portrays herself as the poor single mother on social media with the perfect cute kids. She has just met another new "daddy" for her kids (whom she met online of course and has barely known a year). Now they are married and living together and all of a sudden he is the father of "her/their kids" and a perfect one too. lol. They actually think this stuff looks normal and makes them look good. The reality is any healthy person can see this is not normal behavior nor healthy for anyone, including her kids. BM is an abusive, manipulative, two faced, narc who chased the real father or her kids away with her intolerable behavior which included verbal abuse, lying, stealing, smear campaigning behind my exes back, and inappropriate behavior with other men. Now all she can do is try to take advantage of him for money and bad mouth him which is minimal compared to the rest of her horrible behavior. Narcissists marry quickly to take advantage of the other and to keep up a false image of normalcy.

Sandybeaches's picture

Because they are hoping that marriage and it's promises of love and honor will give them the devotion of another person and they will be idolized and worshiped in the manor they feel they are deserving of.  

It is sick and sad that most will not realize what they have married into until it is too late.  

still learning's picture

I think that question can be expanded to why does anyone get married with no intention to uphold their vows?  The problem with marriage today is that it's so easy to get out of. It used to be "Until death do us part." Now it's "Until something younger or more interesting comes along."  As mentioned above, the Narc needs to secure it's supply.  Once the supply has dried up or gawd forbid a baby comes into the picture and takes all the attention, the Narc moves on.  I think the entire concept of marriage with it's 50%+ divorce rate needs to be revamped.  Why have an entire court system and parasitical lawyer economy based on the failings of this institution?