What school district to send skid to - ours or BMs
I wrote a post not too long ago about this same issue, so forgive me in advance but I desperately need to vent! So DH and BM have 50/50 (week on, week off) custody of SD5 who is starting kindergarten this year. They have been going back and forth on where to send SD to school (we live in a different district than BM) and I, frankly, am sick of hearing about it!
DH keeps complaining about what an issue it is and yes, of course it’s a huge issue because if SD goes to BM’s district, DH will have to drive an hour out of his way every morning before work on his weeks with SD. If SD goes to our district, BM will have to make the drive. I can totally see why no one wants to be the one to compromise in this situation being that they each have SD for a full week at a time.
I got some good advice last time I posted about this, but I am just wondering what your current arrangements are?
Does anyone have skid 50/50 and live in a different district than the BM and how do you handle getting skid to school and back? I can't imagine any of these possible arrangements working. Thank you!!
Its not fun but it is doable,
Its not fun but it is doable, I've been doing it for 4 years. My skids BM does it half the week. It is possible but not advisable. Your skid is starting school, not established. Try to find a better way now.
I'm trying. Neither BM or DH
I'm trying. Neither BM or DH are willing to cut back on their time with SD (if one were to go to every other weekend rather than every other week, for example). Neither one wants to make the drive to the other one's district on their weeks. It's just a huge mess.
how about a private school in
how about a private school in the middle?
Or the parent that gets the
Or the parent that gets the kid during school time has the kid monday nights - Fridays. And the other pareant has the kid from Friday after school til monday morning
I've tried explaining to DH
I've tried explaining to DH it's in SD's best interest that they change their schedule. Currently, they each have her every other week and their switch day is Thursday. The switch day will obviously have to change because that would be stupid for her to be switching houses in the middle of a school week, but neither one will agree to have SD less than 50%. Smh.
step off already - They don't
step off already - They don't have the money for a private school, but that is a good idea.
You may want to investigate
You may want to investigate this. His half may ultimately be less than if he ends up having to drive that hour to and from school 5 days a week... or less than child support.
I was about to say that I'm
I was about to say that I'm surprised that they didn't think about this before now, but the thread with all of us tends to be that DH and BM didn't think through anything relating to the decision to have kids, etc... why would they consider something lke this! urgh.
I think the idea about stability is the best, determine who's living arrangement is the most stable and stick with that one. Also who has a more reliable car? Maybe taken work schedules and employer locations into consideration as well? Like if BM works near your district school then SD goes there bc BM could drop her off on the way to work etc????
oh and you could do a clause
oh and you could do a clause that if the parent moves out of the district that SD attends, the other parent gets to have her attend school in his or her district (since SD would have to switch schools anyway, the defalt changes to the opposite parent) if that makes sense.
In our situation, the BM is
In our situation, the BM is the one who moved out of the school district so she is the one who drives. No discussion was needed.
That makes sense, Jellybeam,
That makes sense, Jellybeam, but in our situation they have both moved away from where they lived when they were together. It seems like neither one of them wants to budge. I understand because frankly, it's going to be a complete pain in the ass for whoever is in the district that SD is NOT in, because that person is going to have to drive a pretty long way every morning and again in the afternoon to pick SD up.
I am beginning to think about
I am beginning to think about this as well. SD4 is scheduled to start in the fall. SD8 and BS8 both go to school where we live seeing as how they both live with us full-time. SD4 is 50/50, week on week off. We had the discussion with BM about a year ago and it was agreed SD4 would go to school with SD8 and BS8. We don't live but maybe 15 minutes from each other so the drive really is not an issue. However, when it was agreed BM was moving around a lot and not really settled anywhere. A couple months ago she moved in with her new BF (whatever), but now she talks about SD4 going to school in that district. Driving is not really issue. The fact that our school district is one of the best in the state is. I truly would like SD4 to go to our school with SD8 and BS8. Not only due to convenience, but more so it is just a better school. I have a feeling BM will get her way (we don't really like to argue with her). She always seems to think that 50/50 means she has 100. I absolutely adore SD4 and wish DH would have pursued 100 when BM had no where to live, but crap happens. On the other hand, I wish SD8's BM wasn't such a piece so I could ship that one off to live with her. Hey, don't judge me. Ha
Who will have the skid the
Who will have the skid the week that school starts? Absent any other compromise, I think that's the parent that wins.
I can't imagine either side (BM or DH) admitting that the other parent provides a better environment for the skids. I can't imagine the schools are so drastically different either. And if your court system is anything like ours, I'm not sure you'd even get resolution from a judge before school starts.
I do not know about the
I do not know about the original posters district. But here, the school you attend can make a big impact on you.
Have you been to Detroit? Our schools are drastically different. Not only the way a child learns and the teaching styles, but the atmosphere and people as well. You can go from suburbs to metal detectors just by crossing the street.
I live in Baltimore .. I know
I live in Baltimore .. I know exactly what you mean by varying districts. We have some of the worst inner-city schools in the country .. and 20 minutes away, some of the best in the nation!
I only made the assumption that quality of the school wasn't an issue because it wasn't mentioned at all in the OP. I would think if it were a concern, it would be at the top of the list of reasons DH is arguing one way or the other .. but the main debate seems focused on who will be inconvenienced with the drive.
You are right, SMof2Girls,
You are right, SMof2Girls, there is not a huge difference between our school district vs. BM's. The elementary school in our district does have a higher rating but it is not by much. Their main issue is who is going to drive an hour out of their way every morning to take SD to school on their weeks.
So who will have custody of
So who will have custody of her when school starts? This is ultimately how my brother's ex-wife got her way .. they had a week on/week off schedule too. The kid was with her the week school started, so she enrolled her in HER local school district. My brother is still driving 45+ minutes one way to and from her school on his weeks .. and the court won't do anything because now they don't want to disrupt the kid's education.
Smh. I am not sure what date
Smh. I am not sure what date school starts, I will have to find that out! The driving in the morning is just a huge pain in the butt. BM doesn't even work so she has all the time in the world. DH, on the other hand, has to be to work by 7am, sometimes earlier, so it's going to be very hard if SD goes to BM's district school. He would have to drop SD off by 6:30 at the latest and school doesn't even start that early. I have no idea what he would do honestly. I believe the kindergarten in our area doesn't start until 8am.
When DH and BM first divorced
When DH and BM first divorced they did every other night with SS10.
Personally, when I came into the picture I thought it was ridiculous for a 13 yo.
He was old enough to understand the process of divorce and visitation and he had to basically live out of a suitcase.
Plus I realized that DH and BM seen each other EVERY SINGLE DAY and most of the time they talked in person or talked on the phone every day.
(To ensure that someone was at home when SS was dropped off and talk about SS). ???
As SS got older they went to 50/50. That seemed more reasonable and imo, worked so much better for everyone involved.
SS didn't have to live out of a suitcase every single day and DH had less interaction with BM and could set more boundaries with her.
Which school is best for the
Which school is best for the child? That should override who is it most convenient for.
I know a child who goes to school practically next door to where I live. She is 50/50 with both parents who each live a good 30-45 minutes (in opposite directions) away from the school.
Last year they were going to move her to a school maybe 15 minutes closer to her mother, but the first school is really the best school for her even though it costs a fortune. She wanted to stay and so she did.
I know the woman who is head of the aftercare. The child is thriving.
Thank you all so much for the
Thank you all so much for the responses! DH and I live about 10 minutes from his mom so we are in the same district she is in. If SD attends our district, DH’s plan is to drop SD off at his mom’s in the morning, she will put SD on the bus (DH has to be at work before the bus comes) and get her off in the afternoon, then DH will pick SD up at his mom’s after work. Currently, MIL watched SD while DH works so it won’t be a huge change from their current arrangement.
BM currently lives with her third kid’s father’s mom so I honestly have no clue how long she will be in that district. DH and I are married and have our own home and the chances of us leaving the area are slim to none. We both work 5 minutes from home and love our neighborhood. BM is unstable but she will never admit it and agree to send SD to our district. She moves around into whatever house someone will let her and all her kids stay, and she never keeps a job for more than a few months at a time.
I have researched the schools and the one in our district does have better ratings than the one in BM’s district, but it’s not by much.
What a mess!
I am in complete agreement
I am in complete agreement with that. If it were my decision, I would base it solely on what school was the best. The one in our district does happen to be rated better than the one in BM's district but BM doesn't seem to care about that. Surprise surprise (not).
I'm not sure what they are
I'm not sure what they are going to do, Cheri. The CO doesn't address it at all. If they can't come to an agreement within the next week or so, I don't see any other option other than try to get an emergency hearing.
My only fear about SD going to BM's district school (other than the fact that I have no idea how DH is going to get SD to school in the morning- DH has to be at work by 7am and school doesn't start til 8 and it's a good 30 mins from DH's work) is that BM moves around so frequently. Right now she is living with her youngest kid's father's mother. She bounces around a lot. Very unstable. I don't want SD to have to bounce around schools like she does houses.
I would take it to court now.
I would take it to court now. Don't wait for it to be too late.
Show the court how many times she has moved. Prove that you have the more stable household for school district decisions.
You're not trying to take any time away from BM, you're only trying to find the most stable, consistent education option for the skids. Make that case to a judge and eliminate this argument that will go nowhere anyway.
Just my two cents
Good idea. Thank you for the
Good idea. Thank you for the advice!! I will try to get DH to take this to court to get a decision made since they apparently aren't going to agree on anything!
Thank you all again
I agree a modification needs
I agree a modification needs to be filed for now. DH needs to ask to be the residential parent & continue 50/50.