Update - There Really is No CO
It's confirmed. There is not and has never been a CO in place for SO's 2 boys. Child support was awarded to BM at $1000/month. They had 50/50 for about 5 years then SO had them both almost 100% of the time for about the next 5 years, and BM just started taking one of them 50/50 about 6 months ago.
BM just enrolled the 16-year-old at the school in her district, in a town where he has never lived with her. He has missed almost a week of school already. The guidance counselor at that school called SO trying to bully him into bringing SS. BM must have told some sob story. Apparently the courts are closed on Fridays here, according to SO's lawyer, so nothing can be done until Monday.
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Frankly, if I were him, I'd
Frankly, if I were him, I'd just drop it. He has less than 2 years left to pay for SS (provided you are in an 18 state).
I would agree, as it's
I would agree, as it's actually just over a year until he's 18, but now they both realize there is no custody established. Both are scrambling for full. It really is a mess!
Also, it's for both boys. No
Also, it's for both boys. No CO on the 10-year-old either.
From what i can tell, BM is
From what i can tell, BM is angling for full custody of both. The 10-year-old will provide her with a check for a while, and she wants the 16-year-old so he can babysit and transport the 10-year-old, as BM is never home.
She will claim to be working all the time one day, to say she needs childcare provided for her. Supposedly it was in the CO that SO provide her with childcare each weekday until 6, but now i don't know. She could have made that up. But then the next day, she will claim to be out of work, so she needs money. She is known to go out a lot with friends. It is such a mess.
I hope your SO is able to
I hope your SO is able to prove he's actually had them most of the time for the last 5 years. It should go to him if so, depending on how mother-biased your state is.
This state is usually default
This state is usually default 50/50, so hopefully things will at least go back to that. It's going to be a long road i think. I don't think either of them realized there was no formal custody.
Hopefully they can come to an
Hopefully they can come to an agreement. But $10 says as soon as they do, BM dumps the kids on him again and keeps the money.
How did that not realize?
How did they not realize? They both had to of known. BM was getting paid that's all she cared about while your SO was taking care of the skids and she was doing whatever she wanted. He knew there was no order he just did as she pleased it sounds like....
I'm not trying to sound like a**hole but, that doesn't make sense.
Now they are both scrambling 10 years later...
Once custody is settled then
Once custody is settled then there is child support... how did she get child support and no custody agreement?
OR is it technically 50/50 but skids stopped going to BMs so there isn't an up to date agreement?
That's what happened here. When SO and BM got divorced it was "50/50" but she never had them 50/50. SO just gave her money. When SO sold their house she threatened him and he started giving her more even though at that point she was taking them less and less which turned into every other weekend. That's how it was when I came around but on paper it was 50/50. Then court happened in feb 2018. New order with SO primary but "joint custody" which was suppse to be sat/sun everyother weekend for BM. That did not happen once after court. Now it's been almost 3 years she has had them for any visitation.
SO didn't go after HER for child suppprt so she stopped taking them. In my opionion, she wasn't getting any more money so she had no use to take them.
There is no CO. Never was.
There is no CO. Never was. They literally ruled for CS but no custody.
I don't understand how that is possible
I mean in some states I know you can get a divorce BEFORE custody is settled, I forget what it is called, but most states do not operate that way. I have never heard of child support being awarded without a custody agreement. Who dropped the ball on this? Your SO's lawyer, the court, or who? Seems very unorganized and really illegal to me
The idea is that the kids
The idea is that the kids still have to be supported while the parents are fighting over custody, so they go based on what is currently happening with the kids.
And I get that
but that is a temporary custody order, how can a temporary custody order be in place and child support determined by this for 10 years (I think is what she said). That just blows my mind.
Well, it sounds like neither
Well, it sounds like neither party nor their attorneys ever finalized the custody part of it - so it's on them.
Yeah definitely
I'd say so!
Apparently there was some
Apparently there was some kind of temporary agreement done in the beginning, and that has just continued for 10 years. SO still hasn't got a new copy of the papers from his lawyer. The lawyer is definitely incompetent now. He has advanced MS, is in a wheelchair, and, i think, has some involvement with his cognitive function. 10 years ago he wasn't ill, though, so who knows? SO is definitely getting a new lawyer.
SS can't go months without school, though, while they figure all this out. As of now, he's registered in BM's town, where he has never lived and knows no one. I'm afraid if he sets foot on that campus it will be some kind of precedent and he will be stuck there.
That is just crazy
I guess there really is no limit on the length of time a temporary custody order can be in place for, but 10 years, that is ridiculous. I would definitely get a new lawyer!
Definitely not. It is a hard place to be in though because on one hand it is like send him to the school BM got him into so he at least is going to school, but at the same time you don't want that to become the status quo when he spends the most time with your DH and you.
So does this chaos help you
So does this chaos help you any more with your decision about leaving? It isn't you that caused this chaos - it has been here since the start.
And I didn't get a chance to say it on your last blog, so I'll say it here:
YOU didn't cause sh*t for your SO. He is a fully grown adult who has been divorced for YEARS. He had relationships before you. It's not like he was ignorant to what needed to happen in order to have a new SO. No new SO wants the chaos of the ex in and out of the house, their partner trolling for compliments from other women on social media, and an inconsistent custody schedule.
I hope you see that this man only does what is easy and good for him in the moment. Hell, look at OSS! He hasn't been in school at all this week, and your SO hasn't bothered to try and get him there or get him into virtual options (that nearly every school offers right now).
Please let this add to your list of things that show you this relationship isn't stable enough for YOU.
Agreed. You deserve better,
Agreed. You deserve better, Rumplestiltskin.
Agreed. There is no win for
Agreed. There is no win for you in this relationship. I am so sorry to say it.
Rumple you deserve better. ((
Rumple you deserve better. (((HUGS))))
I hate reading posts like yours it makes me sad.
You my dear have been bamboozled AND I bet your pay check is covering your household expenses for the 1k he dishes out too. The least he could have done is marry you for YOUR security.
IF you decide to stick this out with him and maybe you have to for reasons you wish to not talk about. Start protecting yourself, ok? Put 3/4 of your pay check in private account. LET him take another job to pay for his cs and make UP household bills.
JMO
Other People's Problems.
You're allowing yourself to get caught up in drama that is entirely your bf's problem. He's created all of this by taking the path of least resistance for YEARS.
When you see someone broke down on the side of the road, how do you feel? That's the level of concern you should have for this mess. You think "Oh, that's too bad. Hope they called a tow truck." then refocus on the road and the business of your life.
Detaching from this guy's foolishness and not allowing yourself to be sucked into his drama should be big priorities for you.