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ss email

epgr's picture

so its almost 5am.. and I cant sleep.. AGAIN!!
So I decide to go check ss13 myspace, ya know the one his mom let him get when he isnt allowed to have one (for various reasons)
and I stumble upon this gem of an email:

i cant believe u, u r a big lair. u said u was 17 then u said u was 15 but the truth is ur only 13. its so freakin over. call me wen u can stop lying. and wen u went out with sam were just trying to make me jealous or did u really have feelings for her?
insert from someone......: u kno its sad that u have to lie about ur age then u mess it up by saying a diff #. I could tell u weren't 15 just by ur voice.... least u could do is say an age that is believable. plus if u really think ur cool by going that shit then think again. its not easy being fake,i should kno from my past, and ppl dont like fakes so i guess that means not to many ppl like u. and if ppl do like u then they must be niave to believe the shit u say. now if u started off by saying u were 13 and not 17 or 15 then something might have started with u and alyssa but now i think u screwed that up. its better to tell the truth then lies cuz if u have to say something thats not u, so ppl will like u, then they rnt worth ur time. also, if something doesnt seem right with some1 u talk 2 then give it a good week or so and then ask them again and see if they say the same thing. if they dont then u could just have a fake on ur hands and need to stop talking to them or u could have a problem in like a year or so. it happened to me then i had a stalker on my hands but it was okay after i had my brother go over to his house and beat the living shit out of him so just be fair warned that lyssa could have had a hitman out on u rite after she got ur number. u never kno

Nice, real real nice huh? SS13 is giving out his phone number and talking on the phone to people he does not even know..SS is going back to his moms in 12 hours, there is no way we can monitor what is being said..
I am not suprised ss cant tell the truth if it hit him in the face.. he is so preoccupied with sex it makes me sick..
Last night while I was making dinner I heard him telling my 9 yr old son how "hot" this girl on tv was and to "check out her boobs" I almost came unglued, then he denied it happened at all.. calling me and my son a liar.. when I heard it myself!!! nothing new in epgr land though, always have to have someone witness any exhcnage with ss, cuz he lies sooo much.

and whats up with getting a boyfriend on myspace, one that you will never never meet? these girls need someone checking on them too, cuz for all they know they are emailing a serial killer..

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

You know if I had access to BMs email I would be all over it! Skids don't have email and they live with us full time.

Seriously your SS13 may want to take that girls advise. Shoot I think I will follow her advice on the "give it a week" Maybe your SS13 needs a reality check from someone that is closer to him in age and isn't an authority figure. I've heard of many "tough asses" getting beat up by someone else that decided to not take their bullshit anymore.
I had a cousin that was a major pain. Until one day this kid fought back and my cousin was never again a pain in the butt to deal with.
Keep on checking his emails. If your not doing it no one else will. If anything serious come up show your DH.

epgr's picture

oh youre right and I told DH and Ss that.. told him if he was gonna act like a bad ass gangster he might want to get to the gym and build some muscles cuz he is gonna get beat up..

Ohh if only I had access to BMs email, that would be fun.. I can only imagine the things she is saying to her other daughters father, when she has done the same things to her that she has done to us...

What pisses me off is that he has been known to go to her house make profiles on porn sites and on his profile is our phone number and address!!!!
oh I will be checking, stalking as it has been called before.. whatever people want to label it is fine with me, not gonna make me stop.
I think I might call CPS and tell them BM is still letting ss on the computer without supervision, and less than 2 months ago she said she wouldnt.. and now he is making phone calls..
he choices are self destructive, and someone should be looking out for him.. he has a terrrible reputation as it is now, in a very small town its hard to work your way out of it..

ubrngoutdbitchnme's picture

You may not like your SS13 right now for all the things he has said and done but deep down you care about him and especially care about your kids to keep tabs on SS13. One day and I hope it's sooner than later your DH and even maybe BM will thank you for "saving their precious son". Hopefully that day will come sooner than later...

epgr's picture

DH does..
BM never will, she finds everything ok, she can do no wrong,her kids are like possessions to her.. she never calls them by name they are "my son, my daughter" kinda like when you are pointing out that its your car, you own it.
found out this morning that BM knew ss gave her number to these people he does not know.. not only was it ok, but she gladly answered and then handed the phone to ss..

epgr's picture

omg.. go away.. I do not need to be judged by you..why dont YOU go find a new hobby, since the only thing you want to do is trash everyone on this site!!!

but I am not about to let this go, as a matter of fact I called child protective service and told them, and givin what happened a few months ago they are also very concerned..

You know nothing about this situation, you are not even reading the entire posts, you are picking shit out, if you do read the entire things I post then you would know that this kid is very emotionally disturbed.. not someone that has earned trust and privacy..

hey maybe you are right maybe I should just leave it alone for his mom and dad to deal with.. then I should also leave him alone, not take him to his appts with drs. and psychologists, and hey if I have to leave him alone then I shouldnt be bothered with shit that goes on at BMs house, like when he SEXUALLY ABUSED his sister!! And while I am at it how about I find a good councelor now for my 8 yr old whenhe decides to touch her too..
go screw yourself.. this is a fucking vent sight.. you dont like what I am doing or saying then dont read it.. and certainly dont comment on it.. you want to know whats going on in detail, I can post that too.. but I doubt you would read the entire thing.. you would just pick out where I am the one fucking up.. and encourage me to let this shit continue..

BoutToBreak's picture

Does it really matter whose house it's in if he's giving out personal information such as phone numbers and addresses? Who knows who you are really talking to on the internet, so I would say that does affect SM if someone shows up at her door. I don't think kids should have unlimited privacy.

epgr's picture

ok.. like I said.. then if the sexual abuse does not happen at MY house, then I shouldnt concern myself with it..

His father is greatful that I found the email (as is CPS and SS psychologist), I also found another one where ss gave very detailed directions to MY house to some guy who wants to beat the shit out of him.. but then again thats not my concern because the email happened at his moms..
I am the one dealing with everything 90% of the time, you think goin to his moms happens alot.. lmfao.. not even close.. she has a boyfriend so now she wants to play good mommy... it wont be long before she does not get them at all for months and months..
and fyi.. this was not my late night activities.. this was less than 5 mins of my time.. I do not sit here for hours and hours cyber stalking him

epgr's picture

I was venting the situation.. wanta know how I handled the situation.. I sat him down and I explained to him that he shouldnt pretend to be someone he is not, he should be proud of who he is.. and that swearing and talking sexual does not make him cool.. it actually lost him what few "real life" friends he has.. (2 of them cousins)
I told him to hold his head high and be true to himself.. and he would see that people would like him for who he is cuz he has a good heart.. blah blah blah..
I explained to him that he does not know if the person he is giving the address and phone number to is who they really say they are, just like they believed he was someone he is not.
According to history BM will ignore it, DH would have not let him go to his moms (he has that right, its in papers at the courthouse).. I am the only one who thinks that.. good or bad..he needs to know his mother..because she is his mother.. what happened between DH and BM should stay right there, between them..
And I will continue to "stalk" and check his emails, and I will continue to let him know that he does not have to pretend to be some 17 yr old gang member to get friends.. (put in nicer terms of course)..
You shouldnt assume I need help.. you shouldnt assume that I am checking because I want to create my own drama and you shouldnt assume that I have bad intentions.. what he does pisses me off..dont get me wrong.. but the only thing I want for this kid.. and always have.. if for just ONE person to show up at his bday parties, for him to smile because he is happy..I want him to be a good person.. I do not want to be standing in a court room with him, watching them haul his ass off to a detention center or have only read part of what he has done..a very small part..

epgr's picture

Thank you thank you thank you!!
I do not think that kids, bio or step should be allowed on the internet without someone checking on them, there are alot of freaks out there and when ss is givng MY address I have a problem with that..
SS discovered yahoo groups, he is fond of yahoo chatrooms too... the adult ones..
to have a 13 yr old who has done and had the thoughts he has, around my kids makes me want to vomit.. maybe we should stop being nicey nice about it and talking to him.. maybe we should send him to a bootcamp type place for the 30 day program.. I dont know.. just dont know what to do anymore.. and the thought he is gonna be here ALL the time when school starts is almost to much.. but its better than having him wiht his mom all the time and here to reak havoc eow..

Holly's picture

I have always tried to keep an eye on what my sons were up to. They got phones when they were about 12 on the condition that I could check their texts and messages at any time - and I did. I have been friends with them on their Facebook pages all along. I did let them have bebo pages (I kept an eye on them there too) but frankly it was all boring stuff, with the occasional cyberfight or bad language or inappropriate jokes. Nothing scarey. I used to pop in and out of the room when they used the computer. They are 17 & 19 now so I no longer need to keep an eye on them but at 13 - Yes definitely!!!

I wish my DH would keep a closer eye on his 13 dd but he doesn't want to rock the boat and her BM doesn't give a toot so.... God knows what she'll be up to in a year or so!

PoisonApples's picture

I always trusted my kids so I never did much checking up on them. I truly believe that they would be honest with me about things.

That's not to say I didn't spot check now and then but early on and when I realized I could trust them I didn't bother anymore.

I have a DD17, I guess about 2 years ago she left her phone out and I thought I'd check it just to be sure. Talk about BORING! I read through hundreds of texts until my eyes watered and it was the most inane, boring crap you could imagine. Gossip about friends, talk about art, arguing over this or that band or this or that song.

I went to her Bebo and Facebook pages around the same time and that's when I discovered that she's a very talented writer. I knew she did well writing in school but I had no idea the number of short stories she'd written - and they were all really good.

I took pride in the fact that I must have done something right raising them since they can be trusted to make good decisions and not get into trouble.

So, my attitude with my kids has been that I don't have to check up on them. However, I'm thinking about my skids. It won't be many years until they have phones and FB pages and I don't trust them one little bit. Already they do so many sneaky things that my kids never did. For example they hide DD3's toys or toss them in the garbage and cover them up so they won't be seen. They tease her when they think no one is looking - or worse they hit her or knock her down. They hide things all the time. They lie for the sake of lying - even when telling the truth would be easier.

I have no doubt that when the time comes I'll be right behind them checking their phones and FB pages every day. It's not to stalk them, it's self preservation. It's being mindful of the influences on my family, and last (and probably if I'm honest - least) it's a genuine concern for THEM because I don't think they will have sense enough to make good decisions on their own.

epgr's picture

When my son was 3 wks old ss, then 4ish, hit him across the back 3 times with the stick thingy from window blinds that he broke off his window to do it with... I know it was 3 times cuz thats how many welt were on his little back.. crib was moved in my room and the baby never left my side!
4 yrs ago SD, then 7, tripped my daughter, then 4, she slammed her head into the door jam, ended up with a crack in her skull, 2 black eyes and a serious concussion (I know sd stuck her foot out and tripped her on purpose, I was watching my 4 yr old run down the hall, just couldnt get sd to stop in time)
there have been fingers slammed in doors, drawers, guitars dropped on heads, bike wrecks.. all kinds of things that skids claimed were accidents, for awhile the "accidents" were happening on a daily basis.. I tried to be everywhere at once.. finally I lost it jumped all over DH and told him to do something or I would.. he told his kids if there were anymore "accidents" with our kids they would have some "accidents" themselves.. while there are rarely physical "accidents" anymore. Now skids hide any and everything gotten for me and dhs kids... skids have hidden bio kids school clothes, shoes, coats, toys, bday money.. whatever.. if something of bio kids is missing I go straight to sd room.. it is usually in there, hidden under the mattress, behind dresser, in the closet.. even found bio daughters clothes hidden in board game boxes.. if its not in there then its usually hidden in ss room somewhere..

And the lies are outragous.. standing there telling me you just got out of the shower when you are bone dry doesnot fool me.. ugh..

The kids I am the mother to DO NOT lie to me, not to say they havent tried, but they know I will find out..I have always told them, and skids, if I find out later on my own when you had the chance to tell me but chose to lie, I will be twice as mad! It has happened, and they knwo I am not joking.. they get in less trouble if they are just honest..

PoisonApples's picture

I hear you epgr. I have the hiding things problem too.

I never once tore through any of my bio kids rooms looking for something they denied having. I have to do it ALL the time to SD7 and SD5 though. They will lie, lie, lie and claim they didn't take something then I go searching their rooms and find it under the mattress, under their beds, in the back of name it. NO WAY these things got 'misplaced' there, they were deliberately hidden.

I really cannot understand how a child becomes like that. I never had anything even remotely like it with my kids. NEVER.

epgr's picture

nope never had anything like that with my kids..
the oddest thing was a football my son got for his bday, somehow it ended up in ss dresser.. he didnt put it there, just ask him.. it was a miracle!!!
sometimes I think ss lies just for sport.. sd is more sneaky and flys more under the radar...DH has refused to see it.. but since I just found tons of missing shit in their rooms.. he is gonna have to come up with something.. I take care of my kids he needs to do the same

epgr's picture

omg yes.. the girls on there look like lesbian street walkers, I have seen as young as 11. I have also seen them with more than 500 friends, seriously, around here to be friends with that many people you would literally have to know the entire school .. people are letting their kids have "friends" they dont even know, while posting pictures that someone should be arrested for and giving out way to much personal info..
Some of the parents wont even let their kids go to a bday party if they dont know the parents, but have no problem letting their kids on the internet posting shit all day to people they dont know.. wtf is up with that??
DH set up a facebook for sd11.. I said no because I would be the one checking it not him cuz he dont have time.. well he did it anyways.. after about a month I checked it and was floored.. I actually woke him up, he went thru it the next day she had to delete about 25 people, 15 adult males she didnt personally know, she had to write an apology to the girl she called names and threatened.. and then the acct was deleted. But that does not get rid of the pics on her cousins myspace and facebook of them 2 acting like little prostitutes, and lesbians, or the pics that were done at her moms with her moms boyfriends daughter.. they are disturbing to say the least!

steptwins's picture

You need to disengage. DH should be the more active adult in this situation. Monitoring all these accounts is just monitoring... The skids are going to act however they are raised. i.e. out of control in life, out of control on email...
How many more years or acts do you need of SS misbehavior to see that you have no power? Blunt question but so true. And how would you feel if skid did this to you? Don't forget karma, and as SM the legal systems/courts do not want you to discipline your skid.

Blended Family may have been to the far right w/her response but I pro SM 100% Wink

epgr's picture

DH works 12-16 hrs a day.. its hard for him to check.. he needs to be more active, but he needs more hours in the day..
and disengaging isnt an option.. cuz I am not willing to let this kid in my house unless I know wahts goin on in his head..all of the info I am getting is going straight to CPS and his councellers, and lawyers..
if skid did what to me? checked my email? I am almost 40 yrs old, if a kid, bio or step read my email I would be pissed, I have a right to privacy.. I have earned it.. he however has not.

epgr's picture

was just checking ss email before I got up to do laundry.. now he has a zoosk acct, I signed onto that acct,and his profile says "good in bed and will not cheat" says he is lookikng for "girls that will have sex and not cheat"
nice real fucking nice..

epgr's picture

the accounts can be deleted, but he will just make more.. it was only an accident we got ahold of this new email acct he got at his moms..
I called his coucelor and told him, called a lawyer and seen what can be done... when ss goes back to councelor he is gonna sign onto the site and ask him to explain and then probably call cps on bm.. again.. lawyer said he will defend dh in keeping ss away from mothers house till she has parenting classes and he has no access to the internet at all... but that just leaves him here with me.. and I dont know if I can do it.. I want to walk away from all of this bullshit and let the parents deal with it... but thats the problem the parents are doing nothing.. just leaving it to me, I know dh dont have alot of time, but he needs to make the time.. cuz this is not mine, this is his to deal with... so sick and effing tired of having this shit shoved down my throat, everything with skids, making appts for shots, dentist, drs, clothes, every single fucking thing is up to me..sorry.. just sick andtired of being sick and tired

oneoffour's picture

Sorry, 13 yr old boys DO think about sex all. the. time. If he is noticing he is thinking about it.

I believe his father should be directing his son in how to behave and grow into a young man. So why is your DH not raising his kids and leaving it to you?

However, that doesn't solve the problem and it is a big one. Posing as someone you aren't is risky but these kids think they are hidden behind their monitors and no one ever knows. Then they meet some person who thinks they are sooo grown up and cute and they really truly should meet becos they have sooo much in common. Which leads to girls and boys being kidnapped and sexually molested and sadly often killed.

Quite frankly the girl who wrote that rather laboured long email would have been better off saying "Hey dude, you like me? COme back in 5 yrs time when you are legal. Stop messing with things you do not understand beos you WILL get hurt. Promise."

epgr's picture

how many 13 yr old boys have touched their sisters? thinking about sex or not activly looking for sex on the internet is not age appropriate..(his woome and zoosk accounts say thats what he is looking for in his own words)..
seriously this is not a regular 13 yr old boy we are talking about.. he has serious issues, and I do not say that lightly. I have been working for 9 yrs to try to get him some help, DH is working long long hours, and they are gonna get longer cuz bm now has a contempt on him(which is bullshit).. and now there are more lawyers bills to pay, he has to support everyone 100%, well except for the 50 a wk for cs, there are 4 kids altogether, and we have decided that someone has to be here, no sitters.. he pulls shit with the sitters... and he isnt gonna do that at the other kids expense.
They call waht ss has a mood disorder.. because they can not say there is a personality disorder in someone under 18,but we were told that they are 99% positive that when he is 18 he will be diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder.. he has reactive attachment disorder too.. we have looked into a test for psychopathic for children, there is one, top score is 40, ss scored a 35 by his dad and a 36 by me.. taken at different times.. there is nothing that can be done. Parneting this child is not like parenting a reg. 13 yr old boy. I have a 21 yr od and a 19 yr old.. I have several nieces and nephews that I helped raise, I worked and ran a day care, my sister has a degree in early childhood education, and social work.. she agrees..I have talked to several drs, when we go to the drs, we try not to go in the room with him, if they make us we do not speak, its all ss talking about how he thinks or whatever, drs agree... so when I say this child is not normal, I do not say that with no knowledge..
when ss is here he does nothing, we have learned that the house has to be in complete lock down mode.. it sounds mean, but with him it is not, he does not mind a bit, he is perfectly happy sitting in his room doing nothing. He is not allowed out of my or my husbands site.. except to shower and use the bathroom, he is not allowed in a room alone with any kids.. that has been a rule since he was like 9-10 yrs old, when he tried to get our 4-5 yr old to show him her private areas.. I happened to walk by the room and heard him say "no you have to pull your underwear down"...
before he went to his moms every other week, he sat and watched the 2 girls swim and play in the sprinkler, he stood back and watched them, following them from place to place.. like a stalker

epgr's picture

he dont have internet at my house, its at his moms.. he has been in a psychatric residental place, thats short term, it was only a wk.. he is now going to a partial hospital program 4 days a wk..
and thanks for validating my feelings.. i needed that. its been a tough tough day.. and its only gonna get worse

epgr's picture

huge huge fight here last night, which is odd for us cuz we dont fight... I told DH that I do not want ss back here I do not want him around our kids, dh comes back with I dont think ss wants to have sex with bio daughter, I said I dont want to give him the chance.. I talked to his counceler and he said he wouldnt give ss one ounce of credit, in the past few months he has seen nothing more than a manipulative, lying sneaky child...
I told dh this is no longer about ss, this is about the other kids here, hell and us.. there have been many many nights I have been afraid to sleep,scared that I would wake up with ss getting ready to cut my throat..
I know its his kid, I know he loves him.. and I told him point blank, "your son sexually abused your daughter and you want to stand up for him??"
I want to walk away, I am stuck, I had a job, I had to quit my effing job because someone had to be here someone had to watch him, someone had to make and wait for calls from all the different drs..I REFUSE to leave my kids with him with a sitter.. no way not gonna happen!!!
I got soooo pissed at dh cuz all I heard is ss this and ss that and how can we help ss.. I didnt hear bio kids this and that and what can we do to protect them... I told dh he is nieve in thinking ss wont do something.. people in my family have asked me not to bring ss around any more they said he is "creepy"..and he is .. I wish you guys could all just spend one day being a fly on the wall here..
ugh I want out!!! DH says he will let ss go live with his mom.. which is fine with me, but he said he will get him eow.. and I told him that I have a choice with my kids and I do not want my kids aroundhim.. ss comes home sunday.. I dont have enough xanax to deal with him!!!

steptwins's picture

Sorry to hear about your fight EPGR. You have given alot to your DH & family. Trouble is DH is SS bff not his parent. Maybe the new living arrangement will workout. EOW would be heavenly to me. My swins are 14. Also I didn't realize how voltile the situation was with SS & your kids. I see how my advise to disengage was off the mark

epgr's picture

I dont think that DH is trying to be his friend, he trys to discpline him and talk to him.. but it makes no difference at all.. punishments and rewards do not matter, they do not work with ss, talking, yelling, reasoning dont work either..our backs are against a wall.. we have nothing to do to make his behavior improve.. nothing we do makes him learn a lesson, we can literally take everything from him..leave nothing more than a bed and a dresser in his room, he will sit in there for hours and be fine with it, he has stood in a corner for lying and after 10 mins not mind it at all.. I found a blog its called raising a psychopath, I read it to DH and he thought I wrote it and changed ss name for the blog.. it is so hard to explain ss, most of what he does and how he acts sounds so unreal, people dont believe it until they see it for themselves..
Right now this board is really the only thing I have keeping me sane.. being able to vent to someone relieves alot.. I can vent to DH, but in the end its his kid and he wants to see the best and get him help.. which i understand.. but does not make me feel differently.. I do not want him around my kids!

mom2five's picture

You know...I'm torn on this. I check my (younger) kids facebook accounts just to make sure there is nothing unsavory going on. And they've never given me any reason not to trust them. They know I reserve the right to check. There is no expectation of privacy for minors in this house. doesn't sound like you have the respect of your stepson. And I'm not sure you can effectively discipline without that respect.

To me, it sounds like your stepson needs the kind of help that you and your husband just can't provide. If he were mine, there would be no access to the computer at our house. And we would likely draft a letter to his mother asking that when he visits with her, he have no computer access and of course list the specific reasons. My husband's ex-wife would never in a million years cooperate, but at least we would have an established paper trail if we needed it later.

I would also have him at the psychiatrists office before the sun went down to find out why he is acting out.

I don't think you can help with this one. I think your DH is going to have to take the lead.

epgr's picture

he has not internet access here, we have have sent bm several letters, emails and texts.. her response is "he is MY son dont tell me what to do with MY son" we have called cys, she told them she will monitor his internet use, which she has not, he has been to drs, psychatrists, pyschologists, he was in a short term residental treatment place for a wk, he is not going to a partial hospitalization program (from 9am-2pm everyother week for 4 days),
he was put on a high dose of risperadol, it didnt change his behavior or thoughts, only made him a zombie, he was taken off, he as been on something else for add the inattentive type (cant remember the name) but taken off cuz it made no difference whatsoever.. and this has all been since april.
but you are right, he needs help we can not give him..
we just dont know where to go to get him some help, the partial program he is going to is pretty much a joke.. up til last week his "teacher" didnt want to address issues, he wanted to build a "rapport" with him, even after we explained what he has now is as far as its gonna go.. there is not rapport building, he isnt like that. He now has a new "teacher" and he is at least willing to address some issues, not that it will help, cuz the more you say to ss the better he gets at hiding and manipulating people.. he is evolving into a better liar and knows better what to say and do to manipulate people..
We have been turned away from drs. saying he is to much for them, we have been to counceling centers intakes and been told the appt for the psychologist or psycatrist would be months, but gave us 800 numbers to call and gave us safty measures for the other kids and ourselves.. it is a mess.. we have no where to turn now, we have been to every single place within 45 mins from here.. and now we have BM telling him he is fine, we think he is crazy, we hate him.. blah blah blah..enter now the contempt hearing for dh taking him to the residental place, she sees no reason this little boy who has done and said the things he has (wants to kill himself and really really wants to shoot someone) to bm there is no reason for him to be admitted. Its a joke, its tax dollars wasted cuz she is using legal aid.. dh has legal custody, she refused to talk to him,hung up on him never returned calls or emails or texts.. and filed the papers a month after he was out... its just gonna cost us alot of money in lawyers bills, gonna try to see if she can pay for it.
there use to be long term residental homes.. but county cuts have closed all of them...
I want to sit and cry..

epgr's picture

SS lives here, he is visiting his mom for the summer, we have been advised by his councelors and our attorney not to let him go back because she is "feeding his addicition"..
BM only gets him at times and places they agree.. so basically whenever she feels the need to be a mother she will get them.. other than that he is here.. 24/7..
If I could make him leave I would, in a heart beat!

epgr's picture

the bottom line is that ss will not live with his mom... she has shown she isnt capable or willing or whatever to make sure he isnt ggetting in trouble, and take care of the issues he has...she isnt even willing to see it. DH refuses to send him there, and I kinda agree, which again leaves me in a bad spot.. but since dh isnt willing to not have the kid around here period, then he has to live here.. if he went to live with his mom he would be even more out of control here, so for now anyways he is gonna live here.for the time being we have some control.
my kids do know ss.. they know him all to well.. they do not want him to come back, we do not talk about him infront of anyone else, they do not like the nasty things he says, how he talks to them how he wont listen, they are embarassed because he wont shower or wear clean clothes and he smells like urine most of the time.. I tell them he is their brother and they should defend him and love him no matter what.. but it got to the point last yr, when he was yelling on the bus how he was gonna fuck someones mother.. they stopped talking to him..

epgr's picture

Funny you mention boarding school, we talked about that just the other day and found one military.. but we are up in the air, cuz he obviously needs psychatric help, and he wouldnt get it there.
There is a 30 day bootcamp thing he can go to, it is 45 mins away he has to be taken every morning at 5 am and picked up at 4.. we are going to talk to his counceler and see if they would even take him, because he has problems they might not.
Someone actually suggested he goes in a 30 day placement in fostercare, they siad to show him what he has at home isnt so bad.. I have a friend who just did that with her kid and they moved him from home to home, wouldnt let her visit, took her another month to get him back, and she is still trying to pay the cs they sued her for..
If you met SS your first impression would be he is a polite quiet kid and I have lost my mind, but he will sit back say nothing, do what he has to do, (he will however take whatever he is told to do and twist it to make it his that way he isnt going by anyones rules) but after a few days he will know what buttons to push and how to manipulate you.. and before you know it you have fallen into his trap, you are nothing more than his puppet.
He did this with his teacher last yr, it happened to be a guy I went to school with, ss could do no wrong, he was not held to the same standards as the other kids..because he figured out that all he has to do is cry (which he can do on the drop of a dime) and this teacher will forgive him for whatever he did..
He did it to a "teacher" at the partial school, he realized the guy wanted to be his friend, and wanted ss to trust him, so he used the "I dont trust you enough to tell you personal things" and would cry and nothing was done. Now there is a new "teacher" and I talked to him about an issue with ss, he said he talked to ss and ss immediatly started to cry and put his head down..when "teacher" said "we can do this the easy way, which is you knock off the act or we can do this the hard way, and I dont believe you wold like the hard way", SS's tears stopped just as fast as they started, but he refused to talk to him, SS now hates this guy, cuz he didnt fall for it.
BM fits the anti social narsassitic personality to a T.. SS does to..
The more he is talked to the better he gets a lying, and sneaking and being manipulative.
He does not feel "locked up", we can say "SS you did (enter something here) now go sit in your room and when you are ready to talk about it and explain yourself, you can come out and do so".. most kids would sit in there and come out a few mins later.. not SS he will spend the entire weekend in his room..just sitting on his bed, he will refuse to come out and eat, he will not speak to anyone, he will go to the bathroom and go sit on his bed some more.. when we give in (cuz we have to so he will at least eat) he is asked "why did you sit in your room instead of choosing to come out and talk about it" normal reply would be just a blank look, asked him if he liked sitting in his room with nothing to do for days, normal would be a blank stare and a shoulder shrug..which is the same thing we get when we spend tons of money to take him to Pittsburgh, and to tour the staduim of his fav team, asked how he liked it got a blank stare and a shoulder shrug..
I do not believe he has the range of emotions most kids have, he is learning how to from talking to the councelers, and others, he has learned that crying will get him out of most situations, saying he forgot is another big one.. he claims to forget everything, right down to if he washed his hair 10 mins before... he has no concept of time or money...we have grounded him from the tv, for lying, not showering, not eating... whatever.. he will lie aobut something else trivial, which will add more time this will continue until we see its not working. he has been grounded to his bedroom to only come out and eat and go to the bathroom, it dont matter he will continue to do the lie or be sneaky.. he does not give a shit.. which is what lead me to the blog raising a psychopath.. bad thing about it,even though he scord high on the test there is nothing that can be done.
I dont see SS living here much longer, he is as big as I am , but at least for now he still fears me, he respects no one, but I have gotten in his face when he has said he wants to beat me to near death and watch me bleed, at very close range I told him he was gonna have to get alot bigger..I am scared but wouldnt ever show him that. He wants to beat his dad and anyone else who trys to tell him how to live his life. I happen to be the one he picked out that day...mostly cuz he is as big as me and for a min. he thought he stood a chance.. for now he does not believe he does..
He is coming back on Sunday, back to hiding the kitchen knives, and my 19 yr old sleeping on the couch, and me pacing the halls all nigght cuz I wont sleep out of stress..

MrsFrustrated's picture

Have dealt with the SS having a myspace account. He put home address, school information and his last name on the internet. We learned about this and became concerned because BM has a home phone listed in the phone book with their home address. We brought this to BM's attention and she screamed at DH in front of the SS that your dad is invading your privacy. BM then told her daughter that "daddy read your brother's diary." We had to explain that what is on the internet is like checking a book out at the library. It was open to read.

The next time the SS came to visit I sat him down at the computer. Opened up his myspace account and told him, I am a pedophile...I stalk kids online and look for profiles that give out too much information. I then showed him that when I looked at his account, I knew his last name, I knew what school he attended. So I typed in google the school name and showed him how I knew what city he lived in. I then pulled up and typed in the last name and VIOLA, home phone number and address was there on the computer! I showed him that I now knew where he lived and I knew from his profile that he had a younger sister in the house.

BM still accuses us of invading his never ends. Even after last spring when the SD was walking home from school one day during a heavy rain, a man stopped to offer her a ride, told her he was a policeman. She got in his car just 4 houses away from her home. Thank God the man dropped her off and didn't do anything to her.

epgr's picture

it is scary.. and where we live, he would just have to have his last name listed.. its the only last name like that in town..we would be very easy to find if he pissed off the wrong people.. I am deleting his accts. when he gets back here, lawyer says he shouldnt go back until papers are signed that she agrees to not let him on the internet at all.. and givin his history he does not see a reason why judge wouldnt agree.. and then hold her in contempt every single time he is allowed to get on the computer.
I heard of a girl who had a pic of her in her soccer uniform, and her town listed, some freak found her and killed her.. just from what seemed to be an innocent picture... never knwo who you are talking to on the computer!!