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It came to a head last night

sleeplessNCA's picture

This may be long, I so apologize in advance. Lately my DH and I have been having "MySpace" issues with my SD. She's 18 and thinks she finest thing that has blessed this planet. Her father nicely (I have to give him props cause I wouldn't have been so nice) asked her to remove questionable pictures off her myspace, well she argued. He nicely reiterated to take them off, she argued, he got more demanding, she argued..then he went to full blown cussing at her. She stopped arguing (duh). So, he picks her up from work and she tells him that she took off all the pictures that we wanted off, well I didn't know that when I checked her site the following day and found still two pictures on her site, but the others removed, so when she came home I told her in a nice way reminding her to remove the pictures, in a snobby way she said, "I told dad I took them off" I said, not all of them, she argued with me that she did, I had her look at my computer with the pictures posted up, and she rolled her eyes and said "God you two are so annoying" I said oh really? We are?! I got angry and told her to remove them NOW!!! So, thinking that this bump in the bumpy road of our home life was done. I went to write my sister on myspace and low and behold a new picture posted by my SD, a picture of when she was 16 with a bud light in her hand, just after all the screaming about the other pictures, man this kid has nerve. So I wrote her a private message on her myspace, to take it off, how she was being disrespectful to us and our rules.

So I pick her up from work last night, and I said calmly that she needs to remove the picture. She said, what do you guys do? monitor my site?? I said, no...if you remember, you wanted to add me to your myspace, I didn't ask to me added, so every time you post a new picture, it shows up on my site, I don't have to look at your site to see them, so you hang yourself every time you post a picture you know you're not supposed to. (DUH!!)

To give some history, my DH divorced his ex for her drinking problem and her cheating. SD went to live with her mother for 1.5 yrs. She couldn't take her mother's drinking and all the men coming in and out of their home. So, SD moved in with DH (he and weren't married yet, but had been dating a year). This ex has caused emotional problems with her daughter, calling her when she was drunk and all the yelling, crying and screaming on the phone. Making empty promises, forcing boyfriends down her daughters throat to call them "uncle whatever" To where her daughter was despising her. I ALWAYS ALWAYS listened to SD vent about her mother, and said you know...you get one mother in your life, that's all you get. You shouldn't talk about her that way, cause you never know how long they will be here" I never got in with all the talk, every time she would call her mother a rude name, I was the first to squelch it, saying "Don't talk about your mother that way! I wonder what you say behind my back, when you are angry with me?" That shut her up. Fast forward to 2008, SD and I had a arguement, DH was deployed to Iraq and I was left with two Skids and my BS. She was horrible during my DH deployment, I told her to knock off her attitude and her filthy mouth needed to shut up, she got right in my face and said "Hit me, I dare you, HIT ME!?!" I said, you're out of control, and left her room. Well, during that time she called her mother and threw me under the bus and said that I was going to hit her!?!?!? HA! So I get a text from her mother (This woman never had my # and I have a sneaky suspicion how she got it) the text said B&$$&! if you lay a hand on my daughter I'll F$^^$ YOU UP!!! I was like what in the hell?!! So I go to SD and confront her with the text, she acts so surprised and starts crying, I said to call her mother back while I was standing there and tell her the truth! I NEVER laid a hand on you and you lied!!!! So that turn of events has turned SD and I kinda cold towards each other, and I find myself tolerating her, sure I love her and always will. When she's good she's the sweetest kid, but when she's bad.......no comment.

So, getting back to the car ride, I said you know you shouldn't be throwing stones so to speak at your mom and dad for drinking and smoking when you do the same. (Her mother is an alcoholic) and she snapped back at me, I'm not an alcoholic!, I said I didn't say you were, but you're drinking, under age I might add and you are in no position to get on a soap box and preach for others not to do something when you are doing it too. She yells at me, "My mother is dying" I said, what makes you say that? She said she has end-stage cirrhosis. I left that one alone, and didn't say anything to SD about that woman doing it to herself. Then SD drives the knife in deeper and says, "and you don't care" I said, Whoa! where do you get off telling me I don't care?! I said, my concern is for you and your brother, I have no ties to your mother, and what she does with her life is not my concern. She went on and on about how she's not going to have a mother and her mother is dying. I asked her if she knew all the facts, cause this girl is a DRAMA QUEEN!!!! So now she's labeled her father and I about not caring about her mother....DH is done with the witch and doesn't want nothing to do with her, as for me I don't know her, but she left a great impression on me by leaving me that text sounding like a 19 yr old punk making idle threats than a 40 yr old woman. I will always be here for the kids but I don't owe that woman a thing.

Comments

Most Evil's picture

You must know you are doing right by your SD. She will rebel like it is her job, but do not cave. It sounds like she needs a strong role model. I would not be hooked into whether you 'care' about BM, she has nothing to do with you, that is just a trap. Welcome!!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

sleeplessNCA's picture

She definitely needs a role model. My husband is not close with his mother (he has childhood issues with her) so, he in turn has turned SD into not being close with her, which in my opinion is so sad. SD is on the fence with her BM, which I think they are getting closer given the fact that her mother is sick. But they aren't close. I am the only descent female role model she has, and Im not even blood related. All the blood related women in her life are F-up's. Her sister, who I don't even consider a SD (long story) she didn't pop into my husband's life for 18 yrs and she's 20 now. All she sees is my husband as a check book. So my SD has seen her sister use her dad for cash, and she has used SD for cash too.

This past mother's day SD gave me a card and wants things to be better between us I'm game, but I have to admit I'm leary. That is so sad to think and write but it's the truth. She has burned the bridge between us often.

Happy Mother's day to all of you

Most Evil's picture

That is nice of her to try to work things out with you and to even buy you a mothers day card. Also she did at least 'friend' you on myspace, which is more than I got from my SD, not that I am even on there. But it does sound like she is trying and that she does need someone. I don't blame you for being suspicious but maybe you can try but just watch her very closely!

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

HummingBirdHunny's picture

Well, I am sorry that your going through all this. And I do think it's sad that your SD's BM is dying. I agree that you don't owe BM anything either. The kids yea I can see that to a point but not BM. I've had to pretty tell my skids that I only care about them also and not their BM. The only time I am even concerned with their BM at all is when they are over her house for a weekend or whenever she takes them. BM in our situation has epilepsy and has bad blackouts at times, but from what she "says" she had a coma several years ago and that really screwed her up and if she ever has another one there's a very strong possibility she will not come out of it.

If your SD is this upset about her BM and taking her anger/frustrations out on you guys then maybe you should take her to counseling!