So, I've lost. I need details on how to get out of here now.
I addressed the weed and he went off.
"If you knew I was doing it before and never said anything why are you so worked up about it now"
"Me doing smoking for my anxiety is no different than you taking pills for your stupid depression, if I'm not allowed to do drugs in the house then why should you be, don't come to me preaching about how if I went to church I wouldn't feel the need to smoke because you go and yet I STILL see you taking your medicine"
Guys, I have bad postpartum depression with a PRESCRIPTION for my medicine.
He kept yelling at me that what he's doing will have NO effect on baby whatsoever, and that the cops won't ever catch him with it because no one will ever tell them and "I'm not that stupid to be out driving with it on me".
He told me I am overreacting and stupid and not to worry about it. And then he left to go play basketball with his brothers...
I'm going to take the steps I need to get out. I can't raise my baby in an environment like this.
So, I need details, how do I go about taking the pictures? Just take a snapshot of where it is in my cupboard? I don't want to touch anything and leave my fingerprints on anything but he's hiding a bag of it in this tin up there (along with the burnt knives, bong, and god knows what else). How do I get a pic of what's in the tin? And should I get pictures of him smoking it with his brother (who is under 18) too? I don't want to bring my bro in law into this but I have a feeling my H was the one who influenced him to start smoking it and has been buying it for him!!! And at that, BIL is underage, that will look even worse in court on DH's end.
Someone said to get a pic of him doing it around our son but he always tells us to go to the room or he goes outside/in someone's car to do it so I don't think I'll be able to get that (nor do I want my son around him when he's doing it anyways, just for a pic or not)
I can't afford a lawyer or anything right away, so what do I do? At least just try to contact one? Do I contact a US or Canadian one? I am not a permanent residen t here yet, only on a 1 year visa while my papers go through...so I assume it only makes sense to find one in the place where I am a resident?
If I hold out til March, SD comes to visit. Now I understand why he always tells her to "go to her room", or a friend will come over and he will go outside to their car "to talk" (smoke) and why SD is looking out the window the whole time. Like, maybe I need to get picture and video of that too (even though I can't catch him smoking through a tinted car window).
I just need details on exactly what evidence I should get that is going to put the court in my favor (even though I don't know why they wouldn't be in the first place) and then I need to know who to contact and what to do if I just can't afford to hire all of these people (and flights back here if I am called to court here for some reason once I return home).
Give me the deeeets. I need this really planned out now but I know nothing.
because I want as much
because I want as much evidence as possible as to why my son should not be left in his care. And I'm an american living in canada but not yet as a permanent resident.
well can't they send someone
well can't they send someone to come look? I am in Alberta, I know people that have been thrown in jail for having it. Let alone in a home where there is a child. It may be just a misdemeanor down there but around where I'm living it's a pretty big deal.
THIS You yourself say he
THIS
You yourself say he doesn't use around your son or SD. That shows that he's a "responsible" user. Getting away from him is one thing(pretty darn easy). Keeping his son away from him is another.
I agree with ktq - why even
I agree with ktq - why even bother? Just sort out your shit and get out.
No need to invite even more drama into your life with upcoming court cases and being a witness etc. This will create an extremely hostile man and he will make your life absolute hell.
But isn't this the evidence
But isn't this the evidence they'd need? After all, my biggest reason for leaving him is that he isn't offering my child a healthy environment. I don't want them to even consider my boy being left alone in his care for visits in the future
he'd probably get rid of it
he'd probably get rid of it just like he did when bm called the police on him years ago. I want proof to back up my accusations.
I'm confused - isn't pot
I'm confused - isn't pot legal in most of USA?
It's a federal offense in all
It's a federal offense in all states. California has legalized it as a state, but the Feds still swoop in and close down the shops all the time.
Just pack up and come home.
Just pack up and come home. Leave the drama to Canada. No judge will care.
Unless you can somehow video him smoking and PROVE it is pot, you got nothing anyhow.
Just GO HOME.
You don't need to be right, you just need to be gone.
Look, if I leave I do NOT
Look, if I leave I do NOT want him having any type of custody PERIOD when I know there are drugs in this house. Like hell my son will be here in a whole other country WITHOUT me, not being supervised because his dad is on his phone watching tv, letting him scream to death and be around him with weed. THAT is why I am making this a big deal
siggggghh.
siggggghh.
I guess what I meaaan is that
I guess what I meaaan is that I don't want him seeing my son without some type of RESPONSIBLE person around at all times...
and siiiiigh because it's
and siiiiigh because it's true. *banging my head on every hard surface*
Why would you have a child
Why would you have a child with a man if you do not trust that man to take of the child?
You've watched him with his daughter. Has he ever put her in danger? Does he smoke around her? Does he leave her unsupervised? Based on what you've posted about him, he's a Disney Dad times 10. You can't just turn him into a useless dad now that your marriage is ending.
Then why has my Older brother
Then why has my Older brother in law been in jail 3 times for it (and for long too) and still owes about 5 grand? They arrested him 1 time in the car with it and the other 2 times because his wife called the cops on him for it.
yes, I am highly considering
yes, I am highly considering it. the fact he is getting his YOUNGER brother high with him is extremely bothersome to me too, he should not be condoning that. What, is he gonna start offering it to our boy when he's a teen? Not a positive role model at all these days.
No, he was born in the US
No, he was born in the US
yes and yes
yes and yes
We live in northern alberta
We live in northern alberta
I don't understand, he is
I don't understand, he is quite neglectful when watching DS on his own...I can't follow through with this if at any point my son is going to be in a different country away from me for visits and left alone with him. I will not have it.
Good thing he was born in the
Good thing he was born in the states then
You sound bitter and
You sound bitter and determined to punish your DH. May I ask why? Has he done something worse to you or is just a matter of him smoking weed?
Know what? My uncles both smoke weed. They are in their 70's and have smoked since they were 21 & 23 respectively - and they are the coolest guys ever! They play in a band and both have been married for over 40 years and all have well adjusted, self sufficient, independent kids. Weed isn't as bad as the media makes it out to be.
Yep, I get that - but I stand
Yep, I get that - but I stand by my comment. The child doesn't have to be subjected to it if Ops DH is discreet about it.
Same as when adults have a few drinks - you don't have to indulge around the child.
Yes but my husband is a lazy
Yes but my husband is a lazy checked out smartass when he smokes it who leaves it laying around out in the open when we have kids, smokes it inside while telling every one to "go to our room"....there's too much crap to list what he's done/ said to me while I've gone to counseling alone and even returned home for 5 months to birth my son alone, everyone knows he's a POS and I'm furious because instead of just smartening up and getting help and becoming a proper husband/father I have to fork over thousands of dollars I don't have to end my marriage and now my kid is in the situation. like how dare a man portray himself as such a good man JUST to get married and do a complete 360 afterwards. I am bitter, I am pissed, hell I could poison him and not feel an ounce of guilt right now.
Okay, okay no being mean. I'm
Okay, okay no being mean. I'm just so frustrated.
Austraila is also looking to
Austraila is also looking to legalize it and I damn well hope they do - the sooner the better.
I have a very close friend whose 5 year old child suffers from seizures - she used to have up to 15 seizures a day - the only thing that helped her was medicinal marijuana. I have friends who also have relatives suffering from cancer. Smoking weed increases their apetite and helps them cope with it all.
Weed's medicinal qualities far outweighs the negativity of this natural drug that has been blown all out of proportion by the press.
Now, having said that - if your DH is an ass when he's on it and isn't discreet - then I understand your need to leave him. He's disrespecting you and your child and that isn't acceptable.
Same with my boss's daughter.
Same with my boss's daughter. She's around 20 now, and medicinal marijuana is the only thing that helps her seizures (used to have 20 or more per day).
Leave now! Start getting
Leave now! Start getting your ducks in a row. To be honest in USA and Canada, no one cares about weed when it comes to visitations. I have never heard of anyone being barred from seeing kids due to weed. Read this board, there are parents doing worse and being caught doing it and they still get visits. Worry about that later and for now just get yourself and that baby somewhere warm safe and peaceful.
Yes, there are attorneys in
Yes, there are attorneys in Canada. We don't usually say attorney, however. We usually just say lawyer.
If he is in Canada and has a
If he is in Canada and has a record he wont be allowed in the USA, come down here. I am sorry you are going through this. Call a lawyer asap.
I don't even care about
I don't even care about stupid child support. I just don't want to be married to him and I don't want my baby around drugs. That's all. So maybe I will just pack up and leave and not come back instead of worrying about trying to bust him. I don't care, I just want my child in a healthy environment and no longer be used as a personal maid/babysitter/chef. I'm over this.
Her stbexH may not even
Her stbexH may not even exercise his visitation on a regular basis. He sounds like a potential deadbeat.
You did not lose. You won.
You did not lose. You won. You confronted the idiots and now they will be in your past and in your child's past. Move on to your new life.
I would suggest just going directly to the nearest police station, meeting with an officer, explain the situation, and take the police to the house and spoon feed them the crap with SS's prints all over it. They will test him, and press appropriate charges, call a locksmith to arrive when the polic eare there so when SS leaves he has no access to return. Inform DH that he will not get a key either and if his behavior does not become supportive immediately you will nail his ass to the wall for a butt load of CS until your kid is an adult.
Don't wilt. You don't need an attorney to feed your adict SS to the cops and let the cops bring the consequences.
Get them all arrested then just take your son, go home to the US and deal with it through the US courts. Once there is record of the drug use no US family law court will likely give significant visitation to a foreign national drug using father or sibling.
Step up, own their idiot asses and have fun doing it. }:)
All in my legal layman's opinion of course.
If you have a place to go,
If you have a place to go, go.
Don't worry about getting proof, when this does go to court, and it will ask for a hair folicule test. That way even if he stops to pass a piss test it will not only show up but it will show how long and how frequent he has been doing it. It is highly unlikely he will face jail but a judge has seen horrible things happen to kids when parents were too stoned to properly react to an emergency situation and they do take that into consideration. I'm in Texas and we have a volunteer lawyer website, it's probono, they only ask you to pay for some of the court costs. It takes a while but it's worth it. Just go, and good luck to you.
One, the pills are for her to
One, the pills are for her to function normally. The weed is for him to function ABnormally. One is medicinal, the other is not.
Two, given what I know of nikki, she is unlikely to leave her pills lying around where her soon-to-be crawling son will be able to reach them and accidentally ingest them. Unlike her DH, who is shown himself to be incredibly careless with his son's well being.
Why can't you just come back
Why can't you just come back for a "visit" to the US and....not go back?
If you do end up in court for visitation rights, fight tooth and nail that he has to have regular drug tests before having access to the child.
he came the week son was
he came the week son was born...he was too busy smoking and drinking wallowing in his sorrows that SD had gone home to her mom, that he was blowing off work and didn't have the money to come down. and the 1 time he did have money, he used it to fly sd home to him for thanksgiving....
I haven't read all the
I haven't read all the responses, but what he said to you about your drugs vs his is dead on. More people on LEGAL meds have died, lost it, murdered people, etc. than those smoking weed. Weed isn't illegal because it's harmful. Do some research. I've never smoked it, I've never done drugs in my life. But we have been brainwashed to believe a lot of lies about drugs, especially weed. Let it go.
I guess I don't get what the
I guess I don't get what the big deal is, if you lived in an area that pot smoking was legal would this situation be different? To me pot is like alcohol. I get that you don't want to leave your kid with him while he is under the influence but to keep your child away from him all together because he smokes pot is ludicrous to me. If he had a prescription for the weed would that make a difference to you? I have known plenty of “pill heads” that have prescriptions for all the pills they take but that doesn’t mean it is okay to abuse the substance. I am by no means saying that you are abusing your prescription but why in the world do you need all this “evidence”? Just get the hell out and understand that while you don’t agree with his life style you are the one who decided he was daddy material when you got pregnant with his child. Why weren’t you worried about this his substance abuse issues before you got pregnant? You sound like you are being vindictive and controlling by making sure your child doesn’t see their father by making a case in court that he smokes pot.
screw it, guys. I'm sitting
screw it, guys.
I'm sitting here nursing my son and all I care about is that he grows up in a healthy, positive environment.
I'm over this, I'm going home.
For everyone commenting and
For everyone commenting and saying they don't see the big deal.. Yep. I get it. It really isn't that big a deal for an *adult* to smoke.
Pretty much all of my friends smoke weed or whatever. I don't like it myself, tried it as a teenager and never liked how it made me feel. But.. like I said, pretty much everyone DH and I socialise with smokes it occasionally. (DH doesn't like it either btw)
The problem I have with Nikki's situation is that she said her DH is irresponsible with it, leaving it lying around the house?
DH and I had 2friends (a couple) babysit a while back, while we went out for a (very) rare night out.
When I got DD15months up the next morning, I went straight to the kitchen to make her a bottle. She crawled off into the next room as she got bored waiting for her bottle.
When I came into the room where I thought she was playing with toys, she was actually playing with different types of smoking stuff that our babysitters had been indulging themselves with while DH and I were out the night before.
I had no idea if DD had swallowed any in the few minutes it had taken me to follow her from the kitchen, and needless to say, those friends will NEVER be babysitting again.
I really didn't think I needed to spell out for them that there would be no drug use while they were watching DD for us?!! I mean who does that while babysitting?!! let alone in someone else's home?!!
Anyway.. I watched DD like a hawk that day to make sure she didn't have any weird turns or anything, I really wasn't sure if there was anything lying around that she may have swallowed. Turns out she was ok.. But..
Can you imagine a baby having a bad reaction to that stuff, and you not knowing what was wrong, as you had no idea there were drugs in the space they were playing?!!!
I think THAT is the type of situation Nikki is worried about.
Nikki.. I'm so sorry x ..don't worry about photos, just leave xx
^^^^ THIS. I just can't
^^^^ THIS. I just can't imagine me not being around when my ignorant husband continues to be ignorant with his weed, leaving it out on counters, remnants on floors, lighters and shit laying around AND MY SON, WHO PUTS EVERYTHING IN HIS MOUTH AND WANTS TO TOUCH EVERYTHING HE CAN GET HIS HANDS ON, getting anywhere near it! What happens if I run to the bathroom or turn my back to do laundry and DS finds it just laying out and about...what happens when a BABY ingests it?? What happens if a BABY finds a lighter in the couch or in a drawer?? Just the thought of how ignorant he is has me livid. THAT is why I can't have him around this place. I can't play police officer all day everyday looking for every lighter, finding every spot he's been in and mop up remnants and searching high and low for stuff, I really can't.