So you guys know how I booked my flight for the 17?
Well there's no evidence/people that know I have no plans on returning (other than ya'll of course).
Well last night H was giving me shit YET AGAIN about that damn necklace (if you remember that little story). I got mad and told him to quit bugging me.
Then he got mad (didn't say why) and just stopped talking to me for the night.
Well this morning I got up and was changing our son and he says "If you were to go home and stay there, how often would I get to see him..."
For a second I was like ??????????? But then I told him we could work something out when it comes to visits.
Then he was telling me how expensive that would be, and that he would probably only see him a couple of times a year. This got him upset and then he started throwing himself a pity party about what a bad parent he is and how he couldn't of even been there for me or our son at his birth and how he tells everyone SDs birth was the best day of his life and he can't say that about his son because he wasn't there for it and blaah blaah blaah.
And then he went on to tell me that I'll never be able to treat SD the way he does, and that's fine, but he wishes I could at least acknowledge her existence (which I won't do when he doesn't acknowledge mine OR our son's when SHE's here) and how he is going to go for full time custody for her and how I need to be a real parent...
BUT THEN he said "No. You wouldn't be able to do that. I can't expect you to. So if you want to leave, I'm not stopping you. Maybe you could go see a therapist and I could go see one, and we could work this out, but it's probably just easier to let you leave. I'll never have the bond you have with our son, so why even be in his life".
So now he's just out driving around updating sad crap on fb saying "so much on my mind..." and throwing himself a pity party. lmao. It shouldn't be funny, but I think it kind of is. He refused therapy countless times I mentioned it before. I went ALONE. And he won't consider couples therapy, he only wants us to see our OWN therapists.
You want me to stay, but you want me to go home, you want me to be super stepmom in your daughters life but you don't feel like you should be in OUR son's life.....it came right out of his mouth that he doesn't feel the same way about our son that he feels about SD.
?????????
Like dang can this week hurry up? Because this guy is crazy. Maybe I am too. 2 crazies don't belong together. lol
I know! lol I've never thought of someone not loving their OWN child...like no feelings whatsoever....it's weird because he's having feelings for a bio kid that I have of SD.
Trust me, it is the lack of sleep and lack of adult time because of the baby. I have a three and four year old and an annoying SS13 so I know! Here's what you need to do. Scheduled a couples therapy session and drive him there when you know you won't have the kids and he will be free. He won't do it his own. Tell him about it the day before or the day of and if he refuses to go, go without him as proof that you are are doing everything you can to save the relationship and he is being passive-agressive in making you make the decision he has already made in his head.
Good luck to you. I know this because... well... I am a man and I kinda do the same thing... lol!
Well then, I just wish you luck in all. He is an emotional wreck and do not go back. He has some personal issues to work out and he will never do it with you there. So even if he tries to convince you to eventually come back, don't do it, for his sake. I wish you luck for realz!
Honestly, given all the crap that's happened over the past year? And that you've already taken him back once because he promised to change? I'd file this under "too little, too late". Oh, he's got the WORDS down. But I do notice that, just like last time, there are ZERO actions to back up those words.
Get on that plane and don't look back. Good luck to you!!! KUP, please?
I agree. I have had to have "talks" with my DW about putting our childrens needs behind the needs of, not just the SS's needs, but the needs of his BD needs. Example: for Christmas, she takes him to his dads house on Christmas Eve for dinner I guess and then she goes to pick him up after they are done so that he (ss) could be "home" for Christmas morning. She took our kids (DD4 and DS3) with her they were gone longer than usual. When they returned she said they were not "quite done" opening his gifts (on Christmas Eve) so they killed time wondering around in Target until he called and told her they were done. I hit the damn ceiling!!! So may damn kids had to roam around in a store on Christmas Eve night in stormy 32 degree weather instead of at home helping dad bake cookies for Santa because they "weren't quite done"!?!? She should have just turned around and told HIM to bring back SS when they WERE done.
She then says "I'm just trying to consider the one person affected in this (meaning the SS)..." umm, HELLO???!!!??? MY KIDS WONDERED AROUND A TARGET FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THIS IDIOT TO FINISH OPENING GIFTS AND ON CHRISTMAS EVE NIGHT LIKE SOME SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!!!!! And that was time I missed spending with my kids. Why did you even take them?! She thinks because he was born first and his dad doesn't live with them we always have to hold up our lives and wait on the two of them to get their shit together TFOH!!
"All I want is my daughter, THE ONLY person in this world that has never hurt me. If I lose my family so be it, I will NEVER NOT IN A MILLION YEARS JUS LET MY DAUGHTER GO!! YOU are the only person that says she misbehaves. She what doesn't listen like YOUNG KIDS DO! She colors on walls like kids do!? I'm not gonna discipline my daughter for growing up. Like fck!! Jus because she doesn't fit in your perfect lil Brady bunch life doesn't mean there is ANYTHING wrong with her!! If she swore, hit, talk backed YESSS I would speak up but she's the sweetest fckin girl in the world! She's a 5yr old being a 5yr old. When she throws a REAL temper tantrum then I'll take a step back and reassess my parenting till then...my beautiful, bright, sweet baby girl is jus fine!! SHOW ME ONE FCKIN 5yr OLD THAT YOU SAY NO TO AND THEY AUTOMATICALLY STOP AND NEVER EEEEEEEVER DO IT AGAIN. That's how kids grow up and learn!! Jus like you said you resent her and in all honesty sounding jealous. Oh ya forgot...didn't raise her for 3yrs!! OH RIGHT!! I DID!!! I've been doing this for 5yrs Nikki don't tell me how to parent when all baby boy does is eat sleep and poop he too will misbehave and guaranteed 10 times outta 10 you'll let it slide! You and YOU ALONE are the only one that says she misbehaves. Misbehaving to you is not being the perfect lil sit there and read a book kid. I'm a parent of 5yrs!! You're a parent of 5 months!!! There's no comparison here!!! You know nothin about raising a child!!! I DO!!!! All he does is eat sleep poop...of course he's a easy child to take care of, guess what!? SO WAS MY DAUGHTER AT 5 MONTHS SO FUCK YOU. No one said you're welcome to stay if you can't treat her like I do. I'm already looking into flights for you. And take him with you"
I don't know why he's going off, I'm going home and taking baby with me. If he wants to put SD on a pedestal and be a pushover parent then fine. Don't expect me to stay around and watch, and let my son pick up on that awful behavior. I was raised to be disciplined. Screw the "oh you don't know any better sweetheart" crap. If you did something bad, you got punished for it. sorry not sorry lol come on you guys, speed up the week
That sounds like my H when SD was that age. He kept saying she was normal and I was the only one that had a problem with her. He said that right about 4/5 years old. That I hated her, was picking on her.
Then when she was 6, almost 7 her school said in so many words medicate her or she's going into special Ed for behavior problems next year. That's how bad she was, that she couldn't remain in a normal classroom due to her behavior. Now she's 12, and never ever had a friend in her life. H let it slip once that she was "screwed up" as soon as he said it I could tell he didn't mean to.
The thing is at 5 it's easy to be in denial. Everything your SD Is doing is what all 5 year olds do. The difference is is it occasional acting up that is disciplined? Or is it a constant pattern that is allowed to continue unchecked?
Your H couldn't have made it clearer that he is willing to throw his son away. It doesn't seem that way, but if you do move far away , you are so lucky. He sounds like a sick man who is on the way to enmeshment with his daughter.
I wont lie, he kind of has a point... I have a ds3 and a dd 4 who never stops talking, we have to chase back to their own beds everynight for 2-3 hours, they draw on walls and we make them clean it off and they do it again, they use bad language they pick up at daycare but they know it is bad, we spank them, talk to them, encourage them, isolate them, we do it but ppl tell us we have very good kids and we are like "THESE TWO?!?" LOL! But with all of that the SS13 STILL bothers me more than the the two toddlers. Dont know why, dont care why, he just does. I wish he would go live with his BD. I've have just had to learn to relax...
LOL! The SS13 has giving me that name because I make him "do stuff!! He hates doing stuff so calls me a tyrant because I'm theonly person in his life who make him clean up after himself.
I actually saw on meetup that there are stepparenting groups similar to this site, only in real life. A way to get a way from it all for Saturday or Sunday evening with ppl who understand what we go through. My W has never been a stepparent so she could never understand. She tells me "well I do stuff for DD and DS... I love them all the same..." she doesn't get that "they all" are not mine...
So anyways... we should look up that group join since we are in the same area!
I felt the same way reading this. We are getting one side of the story. Where are all the bad, evil things the sd has done? I have always raised my kids at home, and they are their WORST at home. Everyone ALWAYS complimented me on how sweet and well-behaved they were and I saw it for myself in public. But as soon as we got home, they would let their hair down and I would get all the fun stuff to deal with. It's normal. This whole situation saddens me.
As others have said, you guard that baby for the next week. You move all important documentation out of the house. Save the texts and general mantrums he is having.
Well last night H was giving
Well last night H was giving me shit YET AGAIN about that damn necklace (if you remember that little story). I got mad and told him to quit bugging me.
Then he got mad (didn't say why) and just stopped talking to me for the night.
Well this morning I got up and was changing our son and he says "If you were to go home and stay there, how often would I get to see him..."
For a second I was like ??????????? But then I told him we could work something out when it comes to visits.
Then he was telling me how expensive that would be, and that he would probably only see him a couple of times a year. This got him upset and then he started throwing himself a pity party about what a bad parent he is and how he couldn't of even been there for me or our son at his birth and how he tells everyone SDs birth was the best day of his life and he can't say that about his son because he wasn't there for it and blaah blaah blaah.
And then he went on to tell me that I'll never be able to treat SD the way he does, and that's fine, but he wishes I could at least acknowledge her existence (which I won't do when he doesn't acknowledge mine OR our son's when SHE's here) and how he is going to go for full time custody for her and how I need to be a real parent...
BUT THEN he said "No. You wouldn't be able to do that. I can't expect you to. So if you want to leave, I'm not stopping you. Maybe you could go see a therapist and I could go see one, and we could work this out, but it's probably just easier to let you leave. I'll never have the bond you have with our son, so why even be in his life".
So now he's just out driving around updating sad crap on fb saying "so much on my mind..." and throwing himself a pity party. lmao. It shouldn't be funny, but I think it kind of is. He refused therapy countless times I mentioned it before. I went ALONE. And he won't consider couples therapy, he only wants us to see our OWN therapists.
You want me to stay, but you want me to go home, you want me to be super stepmom in your daughters life but you don't feel like you should be in OUR son's life.....it came right out of his mouth that he doesn't feel the same way about our son that he feels about SD.
?????????
Like dang can this week hurry up? Because this guy is crazy. Maybe I am too. 2 crazies don't belong together. lol
Sorry I had to post the rest
Sorry I had to post the rest in the comments...it wouldn't let me post it before.
WOW. just flipping WOW.
WOW. just flipping WOW.
I know! lol I've never
I know! lol I've never thought of someone not loving their OWN child...like no feelings whatsoever....it's weird because he's having feelings for a bio kid that I have of SD.
Trust me, it is the lack of
Trust me, it is the lack of sleep and lack of adult time because of the baby. I have a three and four year old and an annoying SS13 so I know! Here's what you need to do. Scheduled a couples therapy session and drive him there when you know you won't have the kids and he will be free. He won't do it his own. Tell him about it the day before or the day of and if he refuses to go, go without him as proof that you are are doing everything you can to save the relationship and he is being passive-agressive in making you make the decision he has already made in his head.
Good luck to you. I know this because... well... I am a man and I kinda do the same thing... lol!
lol I leave in a week, no
lol I leave in a week, no point in trying to save us now
Well then, I just wish you
Well then, I just wish you luck in all. He is an emotional wreck and do not go back. He has some personal issues to work out and he will never do it with you there. So even if he tries to convince you to eventually come back, don't do it, for his sake. I wish you luck for realz!
Honestly, given all the crap
Honestly, given all the crap that's happened over the past year? And that you've already taken him back once because he promised to change? I'd file this under "too little, too late". Oh, he's got the WORDS down. But I do notice that, just like last time, there are ZERO actions to back up those words.
Get on that plane and don't look back. Good luck to you!!! KUP, please?
I agree. I have had to have
I agree. I have had to have "talks" with my DW about putting our childrens needs behind the needs of, not just the SS's needs, but the needs of his BD needs. Example: for Christmas, she takes him to his dads house on Christmas Eve for dinner I guess and then she goes to pick him up after they are done so that he (ss) could be "home" for Christmas morning. She took our kids (DD4 and DS3) with her they were gone longer than usual. When they returned she said they were not "quite done" opening his gifts (on Christmas Eve) so they killed time wondering around in Target until he called and told her they were done. I hit the damn ceiling!!! So may damn kids had to roam around in a store on Christmas Eve night in stormy 32 degree weather instead of at home helping dad bake cookies for Santa because they "weren't quite done"!?!? She should have just turned around and told HIM to bring back SS when they WERE done.
She then says "I'm just trying to consider the one person affected in this (meaning the SS)..." umm, HELLO???!!!??? MY KIDS WONDERED AROUND A TARGET FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF WHILE THEY WAITED FOR THIS IDIOT TO FINISH OPENING GIFTS AND ON CHRISTMAS EVE NIGHT LIKE SOME SECOND CLASS CITIZENS!!!!! And that was time I missed spending with my kids. Why did you even take them?! She thinks because he was born first and his dad doesn't live with them we always have to hold up our lives and wait on the two of them to get their shit together TFOH!!
Why didn't you insist on the
Why didn't you insist on the LOs staying home w/you in the first place?
Counting down til the plane
Counting down til the plane takes-off. All you're getting is reinforcement that you're making a good choice. DH is an idiot.
Nope, he sent me these texts
Nope, he sent me these texts earlier
"All I want is my daughter, THE ONLY person in this world that has never hurt me. If I lose my family so be it, I will NEVER NOT IN A MILLION YEARS JUS LET MY DAUGHTER GO!! YOU are the only person that says she misbehaves. She what doesn't listen like YOUNG KIDS DO! She colors on walls like kids do!? I'm not gonna discipline my daughter for growing up. Like fck!! Jus because she doesn't fit in your perfect lil Brady bunch life doesn't mean there is ANYTHING wrong with her!! If she swore, hit, talk backed YESSS I would speak up but she's the sweetest fckin girl in the world! She's a 5yr old being a 5yr old. When she throws a REAL temper tantrum then I'll take a step back and reassess my parenting till then...my beautiful, bright, sweet baby girl is jus fine!! SHOW ME ONE FCKIN 5yr OLD THAT YOU SAY NO TO AND THEY AUTOMATICALLY STOP AND NEVER EEEEEEEVER DO IT AGAIN. That's how kids grow up and learn!! Jus like you said you resent her and in all honesty sounding jealous. Oh ya forgot...didn't raise her for 3yrs!! OH RIGHT!! I DID!!! I've been doing this for 5yrs Nikki don't tell me how to parent when all baby boy does is eat sleep and poop he too will misbehave and guaranteed 10 times outta 10 you'll let it slide! You and YOU ALONE are the only one that says she misbehaves. Misbehaving to you is not being the perfect lil sit there and read a book kid. I'm a parent of 5yrs!! You're a parent of 5 months!!! There's no comparison here!!! You know nothin about raising a child!!! I DO!!!! All he does is eat sleep poop...of course he's a easy child to take care of, guess what!? SO WAS MY DAUGHTER AT 5 MONTHS SO FUCK YOU. No one said you're welcome to stay if you can't treat her like I do. I'm already looking into flights for you. And take him with you"
I don't know why he's going off, I'm going home and taking baby with me. If he wants to put SD on a pedestal and be a pushover parent then fine. Don't expect me to stay around and watch, and let my son pick up on that awful behavior. I was raised to be disciplined. Screw the "oh you don't know any better sweetheart" crap. If you did something bad, you got punished for it. sorry not sorry lol come on you guys, speed up the week
That sounds like my H when SD
That sounds like my H when SD was that age. He kept saying she was normal and I was the only one that had a problem with her. He said that right about 4/5 years old. That I hated her, was picking on her.
Then when she was 6, almost 7 her school said in so many words medicate her or she's going into special Ed for behavior problems next year. That's how bad she was, that she couldn't remain in a normal classroom due to her behavior. Now she's 12, and never ever had a friend in her life. H let it slip once that she was "screwed up" as soon as he said it I could tell he didn't mean to.
The thing is at 5 it's easy to be in denial. Everything your SD Is doing is what all 5 year olds do. The difference is is it occasional acting up that is disciplined? Or is it a constant pattern that is allowed to continue unchecked?
Your H couldn't have made it clearer that he is willing to throw his son away. It doesn't seem that way, but if you do move far away , you are so lucky. He sounds like a sick man who is on the way to enmeshment with his daughter.
Reading what your H said made
Reading what your H said made me sick. Run and don't look back.
I wont lie, he kind of has a
I wont lie, he kind of has a point... I have a ds3 and a dd 4 who never stops talking, we have to chase back to their own beds everynight for 2-3 hours, they draw on walls and we make them clean it off and they do it again, they use bad language they pick up at daycare but they know it is bad, we spank them, talk to them, encourage them, isolate them, we do it but ppl tell us we have very good kids and we are like "THESE TWO?!?" LOL! But with all of that the SS13 STILL bothers me more than the the two toddlers. Dont know why, dont care why, he just does. I wish he would go live with his BD. I've have just had to learn to relax...
LOL! The SS13 has giving me
LOL! The SS13 has giving me that name because I make him "do stuff!! He hates doing stuff so calls me a tyrant because I'm theonly person in his life who make him clean up after himself.
Atlanta-Powder Springs. I
Atlanta-Powder Springs. I read bios too lol! Interesting to see where ppl are from.
I actually saw on meetup that
I actually saw on meetup that there are stepparenting groups similar to this site, only in real life. A way to get a way from it all for Saturday or Sunday evening with ppl who understand what we go through. My W has never been a stepparent so she could never understand. She tells me "well I do stuff for DD and DS... I love them all the same..." she doesn't get that "they all" are not mine...
So anyways... we should look up that group join since we are in the same area!
I felt the same way reading
I felt the same way reading this. We are getting one side of the story. Where are all the bad, evil things the sd has done? I have always raised my kids at home, and they are their WORST at home. Everyone ALWAYS complimented me on how sweet and well-behaved they were and I saw it for myself in public. But as soon as we got home, they would let their hair down and I would get all the fun stuff to deal with. It's normal. This whole situation saddens me.
It's alright. I heard all I
It's alright. I heard all I needed to hear from him, I'm done.
As others have said, you
As others have said, you guard that baby for the next week. You move all important documentation out of the house. Save the texts and general mantrums he is having.