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Sick BM

JYMCat's picture

This weekend is BM's weekend with FSD. S/O talked to her today and it seems like she's trying to get out of it. She claims she has severe bronchitis. I've had bronchitis before so personally I think she's lying but whether she is or isn't, does being sick excuse a parent from taking the skids during their scheduled days?

Stupidlyoptimistic's picture

No, it doesn't. DH lets BM know if one of us is sick with something contagious so she can decide if she wants us to keep the kids, but we are always willing to take them. We give a head's up as courtesy, especially since one of the skids has a horrible immune system and catches anything and everything. DH took the kids for visitation just a couple of days after he had surgery. He was miserable, but he wanted the skids to be here.

JYMCat's picture

Yeah in this case BM only has FSD EOW. FSD lives with S/O full time and he doesn't fork her over to BM if he's sick.

Harleygurl's picture

If it isn't contagious then tell her politely to suck it up. You don't get time out of being a parent just because you are sick. Single moms without a partner/family don't have anyone to rely on to parent when they are sick. If they can work it out and help each other then great. Otherwise she should just have to deal with it.

miss hideaway's picture

I'm on both sides here really.
On one hand i think if she's really ill as in unable to get out of bed ill and if its contagious (except for colds and all things like that) then really i'd agree with her not having the kids, more for the kids sake.
but if shes up and about and it ain't contagious then sorry but thats just the way it is, many of us full time parents dont get the luxury of "time off" just because we have a cold, sore throat or hangover.
But i guess its a judgement call really, is she lying or telling the truth?

JYMCat's picture

I don't know if she's lying or telling the truth. Past behavior tells me she's exaggerating. She claims to have "severe bronchitis", which by itself isn't contagious. Whatever is causing her to have bronchitis is but it's not always a virus. It can be a smokey environment, and allergies too. I know this because I've had it three times this year because of illness and because of allergies and still managed to get in my car and drive 40 miles in order to come see S/O and FSD over the weekend. BM has been complaining about being sick since last week. So it's safe to say she's not contagious anymore.

The part about full time parents is spot on. Both my sisters are full time single parents and so is my S/O. He most definitely doesn't call BM when he is sick. BM uses S/O like he's a babysitter and thats even though she only has FSD EOW. It drives me buggy that he cannot rely on her to be there for FSD but BM abuses the fact that S/O would never let his daughter down.

miss hideaway's picture

Well the truth is hun bronchitis is not severe, unpleasant definitely but not stay in bed, i feel like im gonna die severe. When it is severe illness i agree with not having the kids around for their own sake, in case they catch it or if the parent is just taken over by the illness coz we've all been there, there's nothing wrong with asking for help when we're REALLY ill but this doesn't seem the case.
Your S/O may have to put his foot down and give her a few home truths and if she still says i can't have her, then i think the answer really is the fact she doesn't want her daughter for whatever reason.
Sometimes we have to face the ugly truth that some parents just don't give a shite and sometimes its not worth forcing them into it just leave them to it and raise SD without BM being part of it. because a real parent who truly loves and cares about their child would not make up excuse after excuse to not have their child, especially if they don't see them a lot anyway.

JYMCat's picture

The custody agreement is as such: FSD lives with S/O full time. BM is supposed to have her every other weekend. On the weekends she is with S/O, BM is supposed to take her for two days during the week but she never does. On the weekends FSD is to be with her mother, BM is supposed to take her for one day during the week and again, she never does. She only takes FSD every other Friday-Sun and sometimes Sat-Sun.

ctnmom's picture

I was crawling around on the floor with the flu when Perfectson24 was 1. My husband had to leave the house at 5am for work. I literally scooched down the stairs on my butt holding DS, so if I passed out I wouldn't drop him, to sit on the toilet w/ diarheaa. Sometimes as a parent you have to suck it up. My GF worked a half shift and came over at 10 in the morning so I could die in peace, thank God.

JYMCat's picture

I totally agree. I don't have any children but my parents took care of me when I was sick. Both of my sisters are single parents and they take care of my nieces and nephews when they're sick. One of my sisters lives in another state so she's not even lucky enough to have us help her if she needs it. Her EX is a weekend disney dad. The man doesn't even feel the need to pack clothes for my nephews on a trip HE is taking them on. He expects my sister to pack some clothes for them and hand them over in a suit case when he comes to pick them up. Let alone handling them if he's feeling under the weather. My other sister lives with the father of her children but he doesn't help when they're sick. He won't even watch my nieces so that my sister can go to the store. I have no sympathy for a parent who tries to fork the responsibility of their child on the other.

EvilWickedSM's picture

I personally would keep DD if her dad was sick and asked me to keep her. However, I wouldn't try to get someone else to keep her if I was sick. If he and I were still together would I try to get a babysitter while one or both of us (her parents) were sick?? No, probably not.

over_the_rainbow's picture

I was sort of thinking the same thing - if BM called and said she didn't want her kid this weekend (for whatever reason) - fine. We'd gladly keep her. Then we could avoid the 'I just got back from a weekend with MMMOOOOMMYYYYY' attitude too. Yay!

JYMCat's picture

Well, BM is still saying that she won't take SD. Now it's because she has to work this weekend and doesn't have anyone to watch her. So Yesterday and this weekend, she was saying that she might not take her because she's sick. Now it's because she has to work. Either way, she's not taking her and claims she'll take her next weekend. *extreme eye roll*

JYMCat's picture

I'm annoyed right now because I just got off the phone with S/O. It was up in the air until he called me. I know I won't care in a few minutes it's just fresh and I'm venting. I'm just frustrated that S/O didn't even question the fact that BM is now changing her excuse of why she won't be taking my FSD this weekend. This is not the first time she's done it and I'm just so frustrated because I know it won't be the last time. If I want to see my S/O this weekend I have to drive 40 miles in the rain and in miserable Friday traffic to my S/O's house where he resides with his parents. So I'll be spending this weekend with S/O along with my FSD, S/O's mom, dad, two of his uncles and one of their wives and their two dogs and probably two of his sisters and one of his nephews. Instead of spending some much needed alone time with my S/O at my apartment. I haven't been able to live at my apartment for the last month because black mold was found in my bathroom. They had to tear out my entire bathroom and half my bedroom. I didn't have access to any of my clothes (except the ones I was wearing at work when they called and told me I couldn't go home) because they sealed off the area my clothes were in. I had to buy new clothes and rotate them for a month. I stayed with my mother during this period of time which was nice for about a week. I love spending time with my mother but she works two jobs at two hospitals so during the week I was by myself. I like being by myself but not in someone else's house when I don't have my own things and ya da ya da ya da. Obviously there was no room for S/O to stay with me at my mother's house (and that's just weird anyway) so when it was his turn to come and stay with me, he came out one day and turned around and went home. I was told by my building manager that I could go home on Tuesday. I went there and they hadn't re-installed the floors or reconnected my internet so I'm still with my mom. This weekend was supposed to be my first weekend back at my place and it was supposed to be with S/O. I'm bummed but I'll live and get over it.

Meh's picture

The whole BM lying to get out of visitation thing sucks (been there) but since your apartment isn't ready for you as planned maybe it's a good thing BM is taking SD the next weekend. Hopefully the apartment will be ready by then and you'll finally get some time to relax with your partner.

BM is still a lying b!tch tho...I hate when they pull that. Ours does that a lot. We have primary custody of SD7 with BM on visitation EOW...SO has threatened to take their custody orders back to court to make a complaint if she doesn't stop her no shows and that's helped somewhat. It's hurtful to the Skid when their mum pulls out of a visit at the last minute like that.

JYMCat's picture

Well the only thing that I'm waiting on is for them to put the carpet back in. They've labeled my apartment "livable" but I know that's just so that they can stop paying me $100 a day. I'm choosing not to stay there because they haven't finished with the carpet and they have to put my internet cables back where they're supposed to go. When I checked on Tuesday, both the bathroom and my bedroom didn't have flooring. I went yesterday hoping it would officially be done but they had only finished putting tile in the bathroom. I'm also choosing to stay with my mom because I have a cat and I don't want to put her through the stress of taking her back to my place and having strangers doing work and scaring the crap out of her. So I'm waiting for it to be completely finished. I'm hoping that's today. I'll have to go by and check after work. But you're right, if it's not finished then I probably would have had to drive out there anyway. Or use some of the money my apartment gave me towards a hotel for the weekend. Either way, we would have been alone. It's hard for me to look at the upside when I'm in the moment but once I calm down it's easier. and of course getting the point of view of people not affected by it it helps me to calm down faster. It would probably help me in the future to learn to see the upside right away. I'm slowly working on it. My relationship is still new so I'm not quite yet apathetic about BM being a flake.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

I would not send the child. I wouldn't want her sick, because then I am stuck caring for a super sick child...nor would I want my household sick.