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Separate trips a good idea?

georgina29's picture

Can taking seperate vacations strengthen or weaken a relationship? Ive been invited to attend a beach wedding of a friend this summer in Mexico. My husband cannot go as he cannot afford too and doesnt want to leave his kids here while being in another country since they are young. I would really like to go but worry it will be bad for our relaitonship. I did invite him and told him I would love him to go but he cannot. He has taken several trips without me (some with the kids and some without) that he has not invited me on. Im beginning to think that me going on this trip solo will be a bad idea. Thoughts?

marblefawn's picture

On the surface it doesn't sound bad. You didn't say that he minds if you go, and he's gone without you, so he shouldn't. I guess it really depends on the state of your relationship. A lot of people vacation separately and it's not as if you're just going to Mexico to go - it's your friend's wedding. I think it sounds fantastic! (Why don't any of my friends get married somewhere fun???)

notsurehowtodeal's picture

You asked him to go and he can't - why shouldn't you go? If he goes on trips without asking you to go, then I can't see why it is a bad idea for you to go without him. Is there a trust issue - are you worried about leaving him alone?

Curious Georgetta's picture

In a healthy relationship , you do not attempt to deny your partner experiences and activities simply because you cannot participate. That is a very selfish and self serving attitude. When you love someone, you want only good things for them and  spending times with friends and travel fall into the category of good things.

 

If the situation were reversed, would your marriage be damaged if your husband attended the wedding without you?  If your answer is yes .then you probably know the level of trust and freedom that you both have in your marriage.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

You both have to be able to function as individuals, you already invited him, he declined, but he knows you're going, so you should be able to go enjoy your friend's wedding Smile You don't have to cancel everything just because he can't go.

You can express dissapointment if you'd like, I just wouldn't milk it. I think seeing all the fun pictures will be enough for him to hopefully decide to come next time Wink

classyNJ's picture

What makes you think it would be a bad idea?  Does he not trust you?  Do you think he will be mad if you go without him?

georgina29's picture

I believe he can be vindictive at times when he is not happy with things, even though it ist always my fault. For example when we have had disagreements in the past he has taken off on trips without telling me and left me out of the loop, etc. That kind of thing.

Curious Georgetta's picture

Your immature husband is your problem, and that is not a problem that you can resolve by forgoing your trip.

You should not support his immaturity by  refusing to make mature adult decisions regarding your own actions.

You are partners; you are not conjoined twins.

 

 

marblefawn's picture

Have you directly asked if he minds if you go? Why not? 

What I hear in your last post is that you might not do something because he might not like it. You're grownups. Can't you ask and get an honest answer from him? Or are you too afraid to ask? 

On top of that, if you go anyway, he will make you sorry that you did? Hmmm. Think about that.

Ask him directly. Make him say it like a grownup. If he doesn't say "I don't want you to go," you have no reason not to go.

If he says he doesn't mind, and you still fear he might be peevish, spiteful or mean when you return, that's another conversation. You need to be direct and ask him if he thinks he will ultimately mind that you went because you don't want to return to someone in a mood.

Cover1W's picture

Healthy!  I am going to visit a friend next weekend.  DH is invited as well, but he likely cannot go b/c SDs will be at our home.  He's all put-out because of it, but I cannot change the date.  And I let him know he hasn't really spent time with SDs in weeks so this is his opportunity to do so.  I'm also going to be helping my friend clean out his mother's house so it's not like we're going to be in the French Riviera or anything.  I need to get away from the house and housework, period.  He'll be ok with it in the end.  He has his time off too without me.