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SS 15 leaving without permission

RAJ C's picture

Hi, 

I have posted a couple of times in this forum and it has help me a lot to cope with difficult situation in the past and to get a clear perspective on things. Please any advice or just comments help me a lot.

So here are details. I am male 41, DW 38 (married for 7 years), two Step Children one son 15, the other daughter 11, one son 5 years old. Live in México.

In the past we have had many problems with SS (15) due to bad behavior and also my wife will never enforce consecuences. About a year ago after some major issues SS moved in with this Bio Dad (posted about 5 months ago some problems regarding this situation). Recently Bio dad was taking a trip overseas so SS was going to stay with us for 14 days. Before he came home I made it perfectly clear to my DW that SS had to follow our house rules in order to stay with us, she had a talk with SS about it. Last Saturday (3rd day of SS living with us) we had some friends over to celebrate my birthday and around 7:00 p.m. stepson decided to leave the house without permission. He talked to a friend who drove and picked him up, when my wife realized SS was missing (around 7:30) we had to appologise to our guests and end the party early to start looking for SS. We found out he was at a friends party (which if he had asked we would have given him permission to attend) and when he found out we knew where he was he left the party and spent the night at another firends house (Sunday the friends' parents called us). Given that I was very clear that SS had to follow the rules I have enforced that SS cannot live at our house, he stayed at my in-laws Sunday afteernoon and today. His Biodad after hearing the situation has decidide he won't let him live at his place either (SS has done this during the last year and Biodad's house and stepmom has also had it with SS's behavior). 

Any advice or opinion on how to proceed is welcomed. Mexican legal system won't help in this situation to decide what to do in the short run (6-8 months).

RAJ

tog redux's picture

Who has custody?

At least in the US, both parents don't get to just decide they don't want to deal with their 15-year-old child anymore.

tog redux's picture

Here, it would be a Child Protective Services call if he refused to take the kid home.

RAJ C's picture

Maybe the solution is moving to the US, I remember once Biodad got arrested for leaving SD (she was 9) alone in hotel room once when she took her on a trip (guess going to a concert is more important than spending time with and taking care of your child for some people)

tog redux's picture

Well, personally, I don't think it's OK for you and his mother to refuse to allow him to live there, either. He's a minor.

RAJ C's picture

Exacty why I am here posting. If he does not like to live in our house and dislikes our rules we were OK with him living with his Biodad, now that he won't be living with him how to should to handle SS15 year old who will break rules just becuase he wants to, who will moreover be an example to his sister and brother, ...

tog redux's picture

Well, one of his parents has to allow him to live with them. I don't know about services in Mexico, but here in the US he could be held accountable through probation and other juvenile interventions. But just not letting him there wouldn't be an option for either parent.  They would both be held accountable by CPS.

Since you are in Mexico, maybe that is an option to just kick him out, I don't know.