You are here

Anyone else find this odd?

georgina29's picture

Anyone else fine it odd that a child is 9 and he cannot pick up a dish and put it in the sink, take the trash out or clean up after himself after he eats? Anyone else find it odd that a 6 year old refuses to use utensils while eating even though she has been taught how to do so and is very capable of using them but continues to use her hands to eat with and gets food all over herself and everywhere else? Anyone else find it odd that both kids whine constantly and never say please or thank you unless reminded repeatedly? 

Monkeysee's picture

Sure, that’s odd. But what’s really odd is their BP would allow that to happen in the first place. It’s really easy to blame the kids in situations like this, but at 9 & 6, if they aren’t doing things to help around the house, it’s their parents who have failed. Not the kids. 

If these are your skids you’re talking about, then your BF/SO/DH is a terrible parent. HE is the reason his kids are lazy slobs, and HE is the reason his kids will continue to be unlikeable people. Stop looking at them, their parents are at fault here 100%. 

STaround's picture

But equally odd would be any adult wiling to move into this situation.

ITB2012's picture

And they may be on their best behavior so you don’t see it until you are in it every day or you may be thinking that you’re just seeing some oddness because you’re the new person being introduced can mask what’s really going down. 

tog redux's picture

I have to agree with STaround - the kid used utensils until the SM moved in, and then stopped? They only had pizza when they were dating?

I wouldn't move in with a man who was such a crap parent that his six-year-old couldn't use utensils. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I don't find it odd if the only time it is reinforced is when they are with a parent with limited custody.

YSS was similar. "Couldn't" tie his shoes or use a knife for the LONGEST time. DH worked with him on it every weekend he was over, but BM, the grandparents, and BM's XH just did it all for him.

Then, magically one day, he did it with DH. Never had a problem again on DH's time.

Went out to eat once, back when we were being friendly with BM, with BM, DH, and the boys. YSS had a roll that was hot and had a dull knife, so cutting was difficult. Without skipping a beat, BM grabbed the roll and knife and started cutting open the roll for YSS. DH looked at her, asked her what she was doing, and said YSS could do it on his own. So she dropped the roll.

Guess what? YSS COULD DO IT ON HIS OWN! BM was unhappy by this revelation because it was one less thing she could control (or, if I'm being less fatalistic, she realized her baby who was 10 YEARS OLD was growing up).

So, yes, totally normal for a coddled and babied child. Not okay. Not healthy. But normal.

SteppedOut's picture

Exactly. My formerSO's son (13) was like this. I was astonished, and not in a good way. But then further dumbfounded when I found this site and saw it was a common theme.

Yet people wonder "what is wrong with the younger generation". Uh, their parents are raising them that way! 

RisingtheWave80's picture

My 13 year old SD can barely get herself a glass of water, or she makes toast and leaves a huge mess, and I dont think I have ever seen her wash a dish. I have also cleaned her room at last once per month because she leaves open food under her bed or in her bed.. GROSS. I never have seen such low levels of independence ever. Both DH and BM are bad at making her do chores or clean up after herself.

Thisisnotus's picture

same for me....sd11 and sd16 just scream daddeeeeeeee can you get me a drink. It is met with, oh of course honey what would you like. The bedroom thing....OMG it is awful here as well. Wherever they go in my house or whatever they touch....a huge mess is just left behind.

ITB2012's picture

was a kid (my kid) just slightly older who could do and did those things properly. 

And I used that to change around the kitchen and other areas so “everyone can manage” and “no one feels left out.” 

Because DH waited on them, nothing was within reach for them, and they had no idea where things were to even fend for themselves.

Annoyed_'s picture

Sorry I totally got excited because I thought I was being over the top by asking SS9 to learn how to cut his own food or eat over his plate. He is constantly eating next to his plate, like messy food too. Sometimes he even stands up and eats next to the table ! WUT. I got so frustrated that I started pushing his plate in and pushing in his chair every meal because I was getting tired of picking up all the food he drops all over the floor and table. He’s for sure old enough to know what’s acceptable, he’s begging to do more things on his own, but with food, he’s lost. I blame his BM. She lets him eat practically laying down. Drives me nuts. I started giving him a knife for most meals, he’s getting the hang of it, slowly. I get so grossed out and annoyed, after a years of watching him eat EVERYTHING with his hands, I’m just done. It’s pretty nasty to watch a kid eat messy, non finger food, with dirty fingers, post toddler age. If you can play fortnite, you can use a fork. 

Jcksjj's picture

Do they not use utensils and dump their trays when they're done eating at school? That's the thing I really dont get when I see posts like this about school age kids - even if the bio parents arent teaching them they still would have learned it in school by now and see that other kids dont act like them.

momjeans's picture

It’s a learned behavior, or in this case - never learned. Look no further than the two people who procreated and brought these children into the world. 

ESMOD's picture

Nope.. It's not odd.  Kids do what they are taught and encouraged to do consistently..   There can be other issues at play though.. I know I was definitely a hand eater.. I liked to touch my food.. lol.  I knew how to use utensils.. even chopsticks.. but still would eat some things with my hands anyway.

As far as the sink/dish thing?  Ask my DH why he can't put a dish in the dishwasher.. lol.

ITB2012's picture

DH gets pissy when DS leaves a dish on the counter but doesn’t notice the skids dishes nor the fact he sets his coffee cup right next to the other dishes on the counter—right above the dishwasher. 

flmomma08's picture

They probably can (unless they have delays which wasn't mentioned so I'm assuming they don't), they just don't want to and aren't being made to do it by their bio parent.

MurphysLaw's picture

“Anyone else fine it odd that a child is 9 and he cannot pick up a dish and put it in the sink,”

Hmmm… Well considering you are speaking of a COD, no I don’t find it odd. In fact I would say that it’s perfectly normal Skid behavior, seeing that my X’s ADULT children whom STILL live at home in their 20’s did (and I’ve no doubt still do) the exact same thing.

Nope, perfectly normal behavior.

NoThanks's picture

I find it odd how strong the rose-colored glasses are with these Disneyland parents. In their eyes, their kids are “just being kids”. But they’re usually the first ones to make comments about how ill-behaved other people’s kids are. 

MurphysLaw's picture

THIS 100%!!!

X would often make nasty comments about his skids friends or his own nieces/ nephews for the exact same crap HIS ADULT skids did! Everyone else was a complete loser etc, with his babies it was just a rough patch lol

georgina29's picture

Bingo!!! You hit it! SO is always mocking his friends and neighbors kids for everything from being weird, hyper, undisciplined, wild, rude, etc. you name it! I'm like hello???? How do you think your kids act? 

NoThanks's picture

My ex’s 11yo daughter would cry literally every day, hysterically, over the most mundane shit. Any discomfort would merit tears and/or tantrums which would fuck up the whole vibe in the house, outting, event, whatever we were doing. I will never forget the time at her volleyball game when a girl (few years younger than her) started crying over something stupid and he literally said witth pure disgust, “Look at that! How embarrassing. Crying because she didn’t get her way. How are these little snowflakes going survive the real world?!” I’ve never bit my tongue so fucking hard in my life. Like, is this a joke? Are we in The Twilight Zone? His little snowflake cries every day, including episodes of crying at volleyball because she didn’t want to run. His excuse was that she’s just sensitive. No, she’s an entitled snowflake. I never regret for a single moment that I left him and his hot mess mini-wife.