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Is it reasonable to expect this from a stepmother to your kids/wife?

georgina29's picture

You expect her to move in with you (even though it is a lot further from her workplace and she works a lot) because your kids don't want to change schools. She understands this and sacrifices this. You expect her to sell her place, move in with you, do the extra driving to and from work each day, contribute evenly to your bills(50/50) including the mortgage, you expect her to rarely go out and have a social life and to always want to do everything you and your kids instead and to always be happy and wanting to play with your kids, babysit your kids, cook and clean for your kids, attend your kids activities, and be happy about doing so, etc. You also expect her to sacrifice sleep because your kids are loud each morning and do not listen when you tell them to be quiet. You also expect her to say nothing when your kids are being rude and disrespectful for her to just think it's kids just being kids and that they are just being funny. Is this reasonable? You expect her to only take vacations with you and your kids and for her to help you with them, to only do activites they want to do and to be happy about doing them and enjoy doing them even though your kids are unappreciative. She has to pay her own way on these trip as well and contribute to covering your kids meals and expenses as well. Is this reasonable?

caitlinj's picture

It is only reasonable if you want to end up in a deep depression or anxiety ridden state with suicidal tendencies after playing free nanny and doormat to brats and self centered husband for years. 

ITB2012's picture

It's only reasonable for a person to be expected to move and sell their house when entering a relationship if it's mutual and the house you are moving to is allowed to be modified with your input and based on your request and agreement. If you end up living there without input, you pay for a place you cannot make into your home, and you are paying what amount to child support for children you are not allowed to parent, then no, it's not reasonable.

I have lived some of this. It's not okay and if you're waiting for it to "come around" for you, do not hold your breath.

futurobrillante99's picture

Sounds like your spouse merely expected you to fill the void left by BM and that you are to give up everything that makes you YOU.

No bueno.

markwvualum's picture

I don't think it's a question of how many user names one person has. It seems a lot fo people have been duped into the step parent trapped involving very narcissistic bio parents and entitled kids. A lot of people are going though the same thing on here.

susanm's picture

Hasn't this been asked 5 times in the past month?  The wording has been slightly different but the bottom line is the same.  NO.  IT IS NOT RIGHT.  It will not be right the next 7 times you ask.  Nor will it be right the 8th.  What exactly are you looking for here?  Permission to gather what is left of your finances and bolt?  You are presumably an adult and do not need that from anyone.  If you want to leave - leave.  Disappear into the night, hire an attorney to handle anything necessary on your behalf, and board a plane for Indonesia if you want to.  It is your life.  Live it.

Petronella's picture

Why do you keep asking thse questions? You know what the answers are going to be.

Try asking your husband these questions. Or yourself.

Curious Georgetta's picture

way that you choose to live. You are not going to fix the person who has  those expectations. You can however decide if those are the conditions under which you are going to live.

If you have to continually poll  others regarding the reasonableness of these expectations, it is clear that you do not want to leave this person.

Obviously. you want the man enough to tolerate his behavior.

Sometimes, we love the other person more than we love or care about ourselves.

If you are going to stay, stop complaining and make your peace  with the situation.

WarMachine13's picture

Hell no it's not reasonable. This guy is using you. Oh and he's a major douche. Get out and find real happiness.

somethingwicked's picture

Reasonable? Only if one enjoys doormat status.And what War Machine sez.. "This guy's a major douche "..USER /LOSER.

 

Monkeysee's picture

This guy should have stayed with BM if that’s what he wants, because she’s the only person alive who’d likely want to live her life that way. 

I thought you said you got out of this relationship?

Winterglow's picture

I suspect I know why he and BM are no longer together.

Monkeysee's picture

Because he’s a selfish ahole who doesn’t think of anyone outside of him & his kids? Can’t see why women aren’t lining up around the block for a bloke like that... 

DHsfamilyfromhell's picture

No it’s not normal, but in his defense he is treating the situation like you are all a bio family. He needs reminding that it’s not entirely possible because you are not a bio family, and it’s unreasonable to be expected to be a babysitter etc, but if you have previously gone along with it he probably thinks that it’s ok etc. Also, it is pretty difficult for kids to be quiet in the mornings, especially young ones (I’m not sure how old these kids are) I think you may be being a tad unrealistic there.