SD Due to Deliver Anytime....Please Help
SD19 is due to deliver any day and I hate to admit the feelings I'm feeling.
Just knowing I have to be at this hospital with her, her mother, and her mother's family is making me almost physically ill.
I love my DH dearly...more than anything. And to know I really have a hard time liking his daughter after she's lied so much is killing me. Regardless of what she's done, she's his kid. Add to that I have to watch her mother act like her and my DH are best buddies is seriously nauseating.
I cannot seem to get the slightest bit excited about the upcoming birth and my DH can tell it...and it's bothering him a lot. He just called me on his way to 3rd shift at his job to tell me it could be anytime that the baby will come due to her now being in the hospital. She lives an hour away and I have to work tomorrow...I really do not feel like calling in to work to go the hospital to sit with his ex and her family only to have the baby not come for a while. What I think I'll do is drive up after I get off work to see the baby once he's born.
I HATE how I feel...but I almost feel I was forced into it. My SD has really created some lies here lately, causing my SIL to get angry with me only to realize that my SD is a liar and she's had to deal with her for years...then SD got me angry at my DH for a ridiculous lie and he and I had a falling out over it. It's like for some reason she's set out to make me look bad to my DH's family.
Then there's the matter of her getting on Facebook and saying she lost her dad to some girl..said she lost her father due to some girl coming into the picture and taking him away. Made me feel very hurt and almost step clean away from her. I honestly don't know what I've done wrong but fall in love with my DH...if SD wants to get angry due to her father not being in her life, she should look long and hard at her mother..her mother screwed around on my DH many times and completely destroyed that marriage. I won't be blamed for her unhappiness. Nor her inability to grow up and move her life ahead without looking for 'daddy' to be available at every waking minute.
I need help in getting thru the next few weeks..with the birth then the wedding. I know that I'm going to take a back seat and I'm fine with that. The more back, the better..lol. But when DH is around her he acts sometimes like I'm not even there..especially him being the proud father he is ready to give her away at her wedding. I almost feel selfish and so mean..this is her time and I'm feeling so angry.
Her mother has done so much in the past..and to have to mingle with that tramp makes me ill. I'd love to sleep thru it all..lol..but like it or not, it's gonna happen.
Advice? How do I find that smile that's gonna have to be plastered to my face for the next few weeks when inside I feel like dying? How do you put on a front when you feel such discord towards someone? I'm not good at hiding it and my DH sees it...and it kills me that he knows I'm not happy with his daughter nor am I excited over the birth and wedding.
Anyone? Advice?
Thanks...that's what I'm
Thanks...that's what I'm thinking myself. I love babies and am really happy that he's healthy.
But I also know that BM is now acting like the town matriarch and is declaring herself a saint talking about how she loves God and is just tooting her horn as loud as she can. She was not going to be the grandma she said in the past...now she is on fire with pride she says. Being that her and her daughter pretty much despise me, I know my time is very limited in getting to know the baby in the beginning so I'll have to be quick about making myself known. I plan on keeping my distance but acting civil. Even though her mother is worthless, I am not out to overshadow her in the slightest. She is the grandma..I know that. And I don't think she won't waste time in letting me know it. Plus add to that my SD is so manipulative..for all I know she'll begin to make her mother feel I'm trying to overshadow her.
See what I mean? I almost feel I'm making this out to be me...and it's not. If you've never been a step before, it's hard to fathom where you feel your place truly is. Add to that your SD dislikes you and it's hard...
Not sure where to get the strength for this...
This may sound corny but.....
This may sound corny but..... it sounds like you are at your wits end. I am also facing a similar situation except with no baby. My SS11 has a football game Saturday. My BFF is going through a rough time and wants a girls night out. She has agreed to go to the game with me if I need her to and then we go out after that. OSS15 tells me his BM is coming down this weekend so she can watch SS11 game. I am sure she won't bring her live in with her because he never comes to any of the SKids graduations and such. However, I do go to all the games I can and try to make sure these kids have everything they need. BM who comes down when she feels like it such as Christmas or whenever her family has a get together, gets up in front of everyone and acts like she is the number one parent. This is the parent who recently sent me a ugly email, supposedly as a friend of hers because I had blocked her email. I, like you, also realize she is the birth mom and do not want to overstep my boundaries, even if I do raise the child. I have considered not even going to the game so SS11 can have him mom there without me. Then, I wonder if it is fair to him for me to not go to his game just because BM is going to be there. After all we are going to have to deal with her the rest of our lives. I have been wondering where I am going to find the strength to go myself. I then remembered, there is one person that will give me the strength I need to make the right decision, I just have to ask for it. . I hope the new stepson brings joy to your and your husband's life. We cannot control the behaviour of others but only of ourselves. If I do go to the game, I refuse to be drawn in if she starts her bad behavior. I also refuse to act as if she is my best friend. If I go, I will stand with my husband and BFF. Let her go sit with my MIL and act like she is part of the family. Enjoy the new birth!:) It is truly a miracle. I would however, bring my own transportation in case labor stalled or drama did start. This way you are not stuck and have an out.
Good LUCK!!:)
I will tell you my experience
I will tell you my experience in hopes it may help somehow.
The major difference in our situation was that SD was only 16 and still in custody of BM when she had to go in for an emergency c-section 2 months early. Although she was in the hospital since 2:30 in the morning, BM did not call my DH to let him know what was going on until 9 a.m. when they were going to take SD in for surgery. BTW, BM knows that DH works an hour away and has to be there at 6 a.m.!
First time we went, we went into SD's hospital room where she was with her BF. She started crying when we walked in and said that she didn't think her dad would come. (Where would she get THAT idea?!?) She squeezed my hand so hard, I thought for a while she was going to cause damage. When we were leaving, BM found us (DH) and tried to order him to go into the NICU with her. He wouldn't. I think he deprived her of her grandparents' bonding moment over the new grandbaby. Because she wasn't happy.
Second time we went, we were informed that our visit caused SD too much stress and I was not allowed in her room. DH HAD to be allowed in the room as her BD. So, I sat out in the waiting room for what seemed to be forever, waiting for DH to come back out.
Third time we went, we were informed that SD was only allowed two visitors at a time in her room. BM refused to come out but SD's BF did so DH went into the room and him and SD had an awkward time with BM there to "supervise" the conversation.
After that, I quit going with DH to the hospital.
BTW, my MIL told me that she was told the same thing (only two visitors allowed) when she went. BM saw her and started a bunch of "we still want you to be a part of our lives" bull crap and invited my MIL into SD's hospital room. MIL noticed on the way in that there were already people in there and started to say something to BM about too many visitors and BM said don't worry about it and brought my MIL into SD's room.
Inside (according to my MIL) there was BM and BM's FDH. HIS daughter and HER BF. His other daughter. BM's mom and dad and sister. And SD's BF (baby's father). Anyone else see the problem in this picture?!?
Since SD and baby got out of the hospital, she has been over twice. Once for the baby shower we threw for her and she had an excuse to leave right after she opened presents. Then for Father's Day when she DID actually bring the baby over (I pretty much texted and made it clear that we were expecting her to come) for a few hours.
Besides that, no calls, no texts - even in response to our texts. And when I did confront her once all she had to say was that she was really busy with the baby. I'm sure she is but I was a single mother when I went to college and I still got a hold of my family! And I wasn't living with my mother to help me out with things either!
Sorry, went on my own little rant there. I just don't understand why SD is acting this way. Oh, also BM told my MIL that my SD was not getting along with her father :jawdrop: The only thing I can think of that he did wrong is NOT going to court to keep SD living with us when BM kicked her out of the house and THEN called and threatened DH with calling the cops if he didn't bring SD back. :? :? :? :?
I was very excited about this baby (of course so was DH - his first grandchild and all) but now I realize that it's just another pawn in BM's control game and it makes me sad.