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Question regarding Stealing???!

pissedstepmom11's picture

What drives kids to steal??

I'm NOT talking about kids that take a cookie when you are not looking or a 4 yr old who may grab something in the store when you are not looking. I'm talking about a 11, 12,13 yr old step kid who steals from your home. Could be money, phone charger, some small gadget that they may like. This is my SS. Now SS NEVER steals from BM's house and brings stuff to our house only steals from our house to bring to BM's house. SS told us he has over $800 at BM's house under his bed(SS took a picture with his phone and showed us) BUT refuses to bring ANY over to DH's to spend.

Of course DH is in denial over SS's stealing and just thinks either I or himself " misplaced" the stolen goods but I know better. Things only disappear AFTER SS's visit and its only small things that he can fit in his pocket. I have to work most days SS goes back to BM's so a pocket search is not possible. Our house is to big for nanny cams.

So my question is WHY does a kid who has tons of stuff at both houses feel the need to steal from ONLY one home???


nappisan's picture

i had this problem with SS13.  He was so spoilt with everything but stole all the time. He would get caught shop lifting, he would steal from our wallets,and not just $1 or loose coins but $50 notes at a time, stole his dads credit card twice and racked up $1800 online gaming purchases, stolen iphones , knives from the kitchen and the list goes on!     He never had a reason to steal as he had everything already, just a plain spoilt brat who though he coulkd do whatever he wanted to 

tog redux's picture

You mentioned before that SS is being alienated, that could be it - perhaps BM is bitching at home about how you guys have more than her, or whatever. She might even be asking him to steal - BM here asked SS to steal a sentimental item from our house and put it outside where she could get it (or so SS said - he's a liar but not a theif apparently).  It could be a way of expressing all the anger he feels since BM is making DH seem like a horrible father.

At any rate, I'd be furious if DH didn't believe me, because a pocket search is in order here.  But many parents who are becoming alienated don't want to upset their child out of fear he won't come back, and it appears your DH is that type.  So I'd lock up everything of value, and put cameras in the areas where he's stealing from the most.


pissedstepmom11's picture

I Seriously doubt BM is telling SS to steal from us BUT BM has got SS thinking she's the perfect mom(Gag) and her word is holy. So if BM tells SS anything negative about DH SS is going to believe it. 

You are dead on about DH afraid to say anything to the brat I fear of upsetting him which would cause a level ten Temper tantrum from SS no doubt. 

jam's picture

Maybe you can look into getting some sort of exploding dye packs (or something) and set up his little thieving butt !

Texashley33's picture

A long time ago when my SS was little..his BM would take him shopping, and tell him to steal and call it "borrowing" ..bc all of a sudden he would start saying the word borrowing, and the kid is as dumb as a brick, so we knew his BM was teaching him this..and she's a thief, so they must have been stealing and not really borrowing. My Husband would kick SS17 out if he were stealing. Y'all keep allowing this, and your SS will be in jail..which might be a good plan for you to get rid of him lol. 

Jojo4124's picture

My stbxdh gaslighted me toio when in the middle of the night my house key with my library card was taken off my key ring. "Maybe it fell off" he said. I said, no, it was on the ring that you have to twist to get it off stop gaslighting me. He did admit that it was difficult to admit dd 23 was a thief...and coming in our room IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 

I am not safe in that home, one reason of many that I filed for dissolution. 

Thumper's picture

We have been stolen from. It is an awful feeling. Invest in a floor safe, you know the kind you need sumo wrestlers to carry?

No one is allowed into our home who has stolen from us and abused my kids, my husband and I.


NeedCoffee's picture

Why this behavior? No idea. Just know that I can commiserate. SS10 will seemingly accidentally bring things from our house to BM's. It would be more believable if a) he took responsibility for packing his own items in his return bag, but he often forgets things here that are his, yet ends up with stuff that is not. b) if found items at BM's were promptly returned without needing to nag about getting them returned. One item taken belonged to a visitor to our home. SS admitted he had item, but after H bringing it up with BM to retrieve and return 2x without respectful oblige, original owner had to get involved and text my H to say I want my stuff back NOW. Ridiculous. Do I think he is a serious klepto at this point or doing that anywhere else? Probably not. But he seems to feel entitled to or emboldened to do that here for whatever reason. In addition, he blatantly lies, amongst other intolerable behaviors. I've had to disengage to the point that I currently don't want me or my bio to be around him. My H is now having his time with SS away from us (due to SS and H's actions) until there is change or until I just decide to return to ignoring things. Very sad. I love this child, and I treated him as my own for a long time, but cannot do that any longer. So, no idea why the behavior, but I feel your pain.

Dogmom1321's picture

Check pockets, book bags, etc. before he goes to BM. 

SD got a brand new laptop from DH for her birthday. He was very adament that it stays out our house. Last week, DH and SD left to go to BMs. I noticed the laptop immediately was no longer on kitchen table.

I called DH. "Are you okay with SD taking her new laptop to BM?"

DH "No, why?"

Then I hear SD in the background, "Oh, that! I "accidentally" put it in my backpack."

DH "You're leaving it in the car."

Ispofacto's picture

It's an expression of hostility.  A way for them to even the score for every perceived slight.

It will get worse.


Rags's picture

Nothing a paddle to the ass or a frog march back to the store to return the stolen items in person won't fix.  For older teens... let them deal with the criminal charges.  

If we had been shoplifters or otherwise were theiving POS spawn, mom and dad would have been the first ones to have us by the scruff of the neck waiting for the police to come deal with us.