Don't go. It is more of the same, just in another place. 3 hours is NOT the end of the world. Half the people in the world have a daily commute that long. Tell DH to suck it up, Buttercup.

I'd kiss his ass goodbye before I joined him on a "lets chase BM" spree! Where does it end? What if she moves again? What about your jobs? What about established friendships? He's not the only one in this relationship, and three hours is no big deal.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this situation. It seems in being step-parent we are putting control of our lives in the hands of other people and often the BM has more control than anyone in the entire situation. I can understand his side of wanting to be near his kids but also he has to consider your feelings, what about jobs, living arrangements etc? This step life feels like a permanent place between and rock and a wall. I wish you the best!!!

I can relate. My DH and I used to live 2,500 miles away from his kids. Now we live 3 hours away. It can and does work. It takes both parents working together but it can work. I am def saying this out of experience as my DH and BM are not getting along and yes it can be very hard watching that happen, especially when one parent (in my personal case BM) bullies DH. Tell your sig other that yes, he CAN be a dad and live 3 hours away especially with 30 percent custody. Don't know your whole situation but he just has to be more forceful when it comes to being involved in their lives and knowing their teachers, doctors, etc. My DH is just now standing up to the BM (at my urging) and so I am hoping that he is getting to the point of seeing finally that BM just needs to have control over those kids and to try and punish DH for being happy. It takes time for them (your partner/my DH) to get to that point. I am sorry you have to do this though.

3 hours is nothing. BM has not even moved yet!! HELLO....time out! He needs to chill. BM may not even move in the end. Hang in there!

No matter which side of this I was on, this would be a deal breaker for me.

As a SM, there's no way I'd follow BM around the country.

As parent, I would kill me to live that far from my minor kids. If I could find a job there, I wouldn't think twice about movingn. However, I would not have the heart to ask my SO to move with me.

Apparently I'm in the minority here but how can he do otherwise? Yes 3 hours away isn't impossible it just makes weekend visits extremely difficult unless he can afford air fare and there are suitable public air transports available. I.e. regional jet airports at both ends and a regularly scheduled airline(s).

She isn't going to meet him half way, hell she's isn't going to put them at the end of the driveway for him. The court just said she's is queen of the hill and there is no king. This peon of an ex husband must grovel from this day out to get anything not expressly ordered by the court. Which reminds me the first thing I would do if I were him is appeal. That order is so out of line.

He should abandon his kids to two women? Yes I said two. His ex wants him out of the picture and you don't want him to do anything which will inconvenience you. I told you what to do but no that's not good enough for you. Can't see his kids but two or three times a year? Tough huh?

Frankly this guy is better off without both of you.

You know, three hours isn't really all that far. I think what's hurting your SO right now is he had high hopes of stopping this move and he's crushed at the idea of going from a 50% to 30%...he's shattered and he isn't thinking clearly right now.

I'm a believer in compromises and having to look at the big picture. Moving 3hrs to a deadend place is bad for both you and SO. Perhaps a smaller distance move where the distance would perhaps be more doable for skids but also still very doable for your education and both your jobs. I wouldn't even begin to entertain that idea though until you are sure BM actually is going to move. She can't sell her house and she didn't get the bid on a new one. Things aren't going quite like she'd hoped yet.

What kind of 30% did SO get? Meaning the visitation/parenting time schedule? Depending on the order, SO could still manage to see the kids every weekend. Better yet if BM meets 1/2 way. Kiddos get out Friday about 3-ish and could be with SO Friday evening and go back like 5pm Sundays. There's also the long weekends and school breaks/holidays and of course summers. He might even decide just you and he drive over on Saturdays and take the kids for the day around where they will be living.

My DS is just over an hour from GS, but DD manages to never miss what's happening in school. He keeps in contact with the teachers and gets all school info via emails and online portals. Luckily all middle school sports for GS are on Saturday mornings so DS makes it to all of games. Lots of times my mother or I run get GS when DS can't (or take GS home).

If your SO gets serious about a move, he needs to be more practical as to how far the two of you can move without damaging your jobs/education abilities. He also better consider things like his/your current work benefits vs what a new job may only offer (and waiting periods). Realistically people don't up and move unless without weighing everything (pros and cons) ...I realize your SO's heartstrings are being yanked, but he'll do his children do good financially as far as the ability to support them if he tosses caution to the wind and proceeds with his idea of a possible move extremely carefully. If push comes to shove, you might be able to move say an hour closer (you both could still commute), but all the way to a deadend? That's just his bruised heart talking. Hopefully he'll come to his senses before he causes actual damage to his/your future... he has to have a job with the same benefits, wage ect , you need to get your education to get the career you desire and he needs to face the fact his life will be a bit different now because he lost but he can still very much be a father and a part of the children's lives without trashing his/your own well being.

I really feel for SO and while what he is proposing isn't realistic, hopefully he can find some counseling.

exactly WHY is bm moving?

did your dh marry you so that you could help him with his kids or did he want a partner to create a life with?

I read your dh will not be able to get a job? you have grad school? I think the rational decision is already made.

and, honey I know you said you would follow him to the ends of the earth, but where is YOUR voice in all of this? what, exactly are YOU getting out of this life? you are setting yourself up for a life of resentment and you will go from loving this man to hating him. if you are forced to leave your life, family, home, and job, do you want to know what your pay-back will be? more bm crap, skids hating you, telling you that you are not their mom, working your a-- off trying to provide for all of them. I don't know if you have your kids or not, but I think your dh is so wrapped up in his own that giving you your own is remote.

I find that women that give everything to their men end up divorced or bitter, angry and unhappy.

and I think that if a man wants to chase his ex around so that he can gather whatever scraps his ex wants to throw him and be her doormat for the rest of his life, that's fine. but he has absolutely no right in re-marrying and pulling an unsuspecting partner (who i'm sure married for entirely different reasons) down with him. he should have remained single.

marriage TRUMPS parenthood. if people aren't ready for that, don't get married. and, if there ever IS a decision to be made, he'd better choose his spouse.

As a SM...I would NEVER move to follow BM. Even if it meant losing my DH.

As a BM...I would move to the end of the earth to live within a few minutes of my children.

So sorry you are dealing with this! It's hard to say what you would do until you are actually in the situation, but I cannot imagine me ever moving away with DH just to be closer to BM and the skids. I have a career and a family here and I would not be willing to give that up for some kids that aren't even mine.

DH and BM live 1.5 hour away and BM sees SD on weekends. Sure, it's a pain in the ass and being 3 hours away will be more of a pain in the ass, but it will work out. There's no need to follow BM around. Like others have said, what if she moves again? Your DH is giving her wayyyyy too much power here.

Let me give you some insight on these wanderlust BMs. Because we have one. It almost always involves meeting a married man online who lives a few states away. The first time it happened, fDH picked up and followed her. He couldn't BEAR his life without his daughters. He was miserable, depressed. He had to follow suit. He started a new life, new job, taking college courses and BOOM BM gets pregnant and dumped and moves back to her home city and guess what? fDH has to pack everything back up and move back.

That's when I meet him. I shake some sense into him. I teach him that BM is NOT his boss. I remind him that he's a parent and he is just as important as BM.

BM meets another married man online. They date long distance, he divorces, and they marry 1 day after his divorce. Guess what? BM has just taken the girls again 8 hours away. Now, we could have fought it, but BM gives a way a little more of her rights every time she 'negotiates' an out of state move. And this time, we have her in a position to really screw up and be held in contempt.

The point is this- even if he follows her, she will want to move again at some point. And are you wanting to be the tag-a-long to BMs life? fDH learned all of this the hard way, unfortunately. Let me save you some time.

The reason why BM is moving in the first place is to shed biodad and PAS out the kids. This is an endless, pointless chase to try and combat UNLESS you are independently wealthy and have fistfuls of cash to throw at attorneys. I WISH this would have been a deal breaker for me over seven years ago. Guilty Daddy was HELLBENT on moving "closer to the kids" (TM). I sold the lovely home that I had raised MY bios in to move to a dump just one step away from being condemned. In the process, the BM became threatened because we went from 45 min away to 15 minutes away thus making it EASIER to be involved in the three children's lives.

The BM's lies about us not attending functions and purposely trying to get the community/school/church, etc to withhold information of the children's activities/whereabouts would soon dissolve now that we were closer. She went into full PAS mode, callihg CPS and making phoney reports etc. It all resulted in the kids PASing out SOONER. She responded by moving again another 10 minutes away because this BM will not move anywhere outside of a five mile radius of HER mother.

Guilty Daddy became more resentful of the PAS and took it out on ME! He resented having to remodel yet another home that was in far worse shape than my old home (just needed a few cosmetics--this was a true gut rehab and is still a work in progress to this day)

I'll never forget this: Before the move I brought up how it would affect ME! Namely longer more expensive commute, etc. etc. His response was to YELL: "I don't care if you have to drive through 100 tornadoes across the country to get to your job--I WILL move closer to my kids!!!!"

That put it all in perspective. YOU WILL BE ON THE BACK BURNER in this relationship. I regret that I didn't tell him to pack his bags that night!!! And the funny thing is that MY JOB supports his ASS and his ability to purposely OVERPAY his CS out of sheer GUILT! Talk about biting the hand that feeds you!!

DON'T DO IT--LET HIM GO IF NEED BE!!