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Overheard SD talking about her own "conception"

Losingit321's picture

I don't know how to feel about this.  My SD who is 12 BM must have told her how she was concevied  and where because I overheard my SD telling her friend.  I just don't get it - why would a mom discuss this with a 12 year old who btw she sees only twice a month.. Idk I think I just needed to vent and to see if it's me or if this really off the wall? 

justmakingthebest's picture

Ewww... All my kids know about their conception is that their dad and I loved each other very much and that it took a lot of doctors to bring them into the world. Even though we didn't work out, they were wanted. 

What else would a kid (or adult) want to know about their conception?????

ndc's picture

I guess it depends.  We have friends whose daughter has a beautiful, but unusual, name.  She is named for the state in India where her parents were vacationing when she was conceived.  She knows that is where her name came from (and will tell anyone who asks), but doesn't know any other details of her conception.  To me, it's not weird or off the wall that she knows this.  I also have friends (twins) who were conceived using donor eggs.  They were told this when they were old enough to understand, because their parents thought it was something they should know.  So there are some circumstances where I can understand a parent disclosing some details of a child's conception to the child.  But in general, I don't know why a parent would ever bring it up, to the child or anyone else, for that matter.  Does your SD's BM overshare about most things?

lieutenant_dad's picture

I think there are times when it's appropriate to discuss conception, such as when it happens in a less standard way or a kid asks. A simple "well, your parent and I had been married for three years and we talked about wanting to have a baby, so we tried for a few months and you were conceived." I also can see the benefit of asking and sharing if you've had trouble with fertility as an adult, to see if this is a familial issue.

It crosses the line when a parent just says "well, it was August and we drank a whole bottle of tequila at our friend's party, so your dad bent me over in the back seat of our other friend's car - we almost got caught because I accidentally kicked the volume up on the car radio - and that's why you have the name Ford!"

justmakingthebest's picture


Stepdrama2020's picture

I will never look at a Ford in the same way again! 

Too funny

Rags's picture

I think that individuals knowing their origin story is not unusual or particularly weird.  If... it is not provided in any kind of stroke by stroke detail.

My DW was conceived in Germany when her parents were stationed there.  Her BioDad was killed in a vehicle accident before my MIL knew she was pregnant with my DW.  DW has always known this.

I know my birth story and the stories of both of my brothers. My dad missed all of our births due to events beyond the control of my parents.  The stories of a high speed dash across the desert missing my arrival by 2hrs.  Stepping out for dinner when the OB/GYN told my parents that my brother was a couple of hours from showing up. 15mins after dad stepped out for dinner, my brother made his entry. Similar story for my youngest brother.

I suppose appropriate or not is at the judgement of the individual.  I can certainly see how a butt hurt X might over step on this topic with a Skid.

notarelative's picture

In some cases inappropriate is obvious. One kid had the nickname "Tubby". It was not because he was rotund. That's more than any kid needs to know. (It was more than I wanted to know.)

Loxy's picture

Depends on what you mean by 'how' ie if it's the mechanics of how babies are made then I think it's entirely appropriate at 12 - in Australia they get that talk earlier at school (ie late primary school). If it's about how Mum and Dad went about it then that is disgusting and I can't imagine any kid would want to know that. As for where conception took place, I don't see much harm in that either as long as no other details are shared. 

Losingit321's picture

I guess maybe it could just be me ... maybe it's the past w/ BM that made it bother me! 

ESMOD's picture

If the story was innapropriate due to "how" it happened.. I guess that could be an issue... but it really depends on what you mean by discussing it.  Perhaps she wanted to give her some birds and bees talk or maybe assure her she was wanted.

advice.only2's picture

Would I want to hear Spawn's origin story?  Um no, it's enough I have to know my DH touched that tainted vagina willingly!  
Having an open conversation about sex and conception I don't see a problem with that.  I think the ick factor comes in knowing that BM was "reminiscing" about how your DH knocked her up.

Losingit321's picture

I think because it's been 7 years and she cannot let go... this is really what is gnawing at me... like why- and I am sure that this is what was going on at some level.  She remains in constant contact with his family ... I really am convinced she wants to be a sister wife.

Losingit321's picture

I think it's more that she can't let go of him.... doesn't want to spend time w/ her kid but when she does she talks about that?  I mean ... 

RoseCandy's picture

I thought kids were supposed to be grossed out by the thought of their parents having sex. 

Someoneelse's picture

I had a friend who conceived outside of a strip club and named their child something similar.... i use the term friend loosely 

Bamb's picture

My adult SD recently looked me right in the eye at dinner and said "I was an unplanned pregnancy". I felt so uncomfortable and disgusted. Why would she say that?! Thanks for the visual you asshole! 

Losingit321's picture

Good grief!  I have never talked about this w/ my own son... even though he wasn't planned I would never tell him that!