I promise a much shorter entry today.  I'm that Stepdad who allowed all of the negative emotions, lack of coordination and understanding with DW and behavior of my two SS's to compound for 4+ years.  As a result, my marriage has been negatively impacted, my own psyche a mess (angry, bitter, stuck in the past, unable to grow).  Per my last posts, I realized and admitted the issues were with DW and also with myself and we were the core.

That being said ... if anyone else undertakes the same introspection it is a slow climb back to good so be patient.  Despite understanding that my home situation is not the same as it was 4-6 years ago, recognizing and fighting back anger and resentment is a challenging job.  Also, DW and I have much work to do and I'll end today's entry by sharing events and feelings in the hopes it resonates with someone else because seeing on this site that many others have had the same experiences is reassuring and I'm not solo by any means.

Here we are a week or two into the process of repair; DW and I doing much more talking and sharing about our communication and her beginning to understand that my negativity as a result of all our experiences won't turn around overnight.  So last night we had a shopping errand planned and also dropping off some homemade soup to a friend.  We also need to cook a quick dinner for ourselves and special needs step sister.  SS28 texts DW with the classic 'what's for dinner' answer was salmon (he hates fish).  So I'm on the way home from work and DW shares that and says hey, befor cooking dinner we need to run up the street and pickup SS28 dinner once I get his bank card.  For once, I calmly asked and why when SS28 was already coming back from being out with his girl could he not pickup his meal ... We almost got into it again but both stepped back and she realized her near inabvility to tell him no I have things to do and she made the excuse oh well he probably wants to maximize time with his girl and doesn't want to wait on dinner.  She could hear the blood starting to squirt from my eyes.  Long story short, she began knee jerk defense of OSS and I began drawing in years of related negative emotions. 

So lots of work but hopeful .. DW has agreed to discuss when and how we can set boundaries with OSS about this.  We love his company but I see this as flat out being a doormat/concierge and prevent formation of life skills.   I like doing something nice but this is twilight zone for me.   Btw OSS ended up going with because he wanted a ride to the Walmart next door.