Update to annoyed and venting
I was annoyed because DH disregarded our agreement for SD15 to have someone over only one evening this weekend - he let her have her boyfriend over last night without consulting me, when she was already planning to have a friend spend the night tonight. Apparently the friend had to work til 8, then her parents were bringing her to pick up SD and then drop them off at someone's party. DH was to pick them up around midnight and bring them back here. I had gone to bed, but just got up a little bit ago to use the restroom....and discovered 2 drunk girls and a stressed out DH. Apparently SD texted at 11 and said she was just going to spend the night...he said no, and fortunately she had already told him where the party was, which was literally one minute from our house, so he went st midnight as planned. When he got there, a woman brought SD out, drunk and covered in mud, and he somehow gathered her friend. When I got up, SD was passed out on the floor and her friend was draped over our toilet. I got her phone from her and had DH call her dad to come pick her up. Ugghhhh again. It will be interesting to see how DH handles this. I am just thankful he didn't go along with her plan not to come home
Hooollllllie crap! Heads
Hooollllllie crap! Heads would roll. And they would have started when I called the police to report whatever nonsense is going on over at that house!! (Also to protect against claims from bm; not sure if that is an issue for you or not).
The policie should have been
The police should have been immediately contacted to protect ALL of the children, and I would highly advise that they be contacted even now. Was there an adult at that household that allowed underaged drinking? Was it just alcohol or were other drugs freely available? What else went on in that home involving underaged children? Does she have any memories of blacking out and waking up in a bedroom (or out in a field somewhere--hence the mud) feeling wet and with lose clothing? And, no, I'm not being a negative nelly. I'm just being an experienced, realistic nelly. Nonetheless, it is up to mom and dad if they just want to give her a pass on this one with mere grounding, or whether they want to strongly and clearly send the message that this sort of behavior will not be tolerated. Hopefully a baby belly or an STD doesn't show up in a couple of months.
Two days
or two hours with out her phone ?? Really not SD fault it just _________. And ________…. So wasn’t SD Fault.
So she gets a talking too.
From what I have gathered
From what I have gathered this morning, supposedly things are going to change. SD has had a ton of freedom, and that is going away, and BM and DH seem to be on the same page. We shall see. I had forgotten but tonight she was supposed to be going to a concert with a friend, but now she is not allowed and has to pay her friend for the ticket. She is grounded from her phone and friends for a week or 2. I guess that is something. DH did say something about how the girl whose house she was at was supposed to be a nice girl, but he guessed she is not. I said why is that...and he said bc she drinks and parties I said, well...apparently SD drinks and parties, does that mean she is not nice? He did not answer. I am trying not to say much, even though I have felt like this is coming. SD has run around with friends unsupervised for years, she keeps her phone locked, etc, and things I have heard her say would have been enough for me to be keeping an eye on things. Hopefully this will wake her parents up....she is supposed to have her license in 2 short months....it doesn't have anything to do with being "nice", anybody can make bad decisions, especially if you are a teenager with no rules. Good idea on the police, I wish I had thought of that last night
You said:
Yiiiiikes... Was the woman who brought your SD out the mother at the house, or someone else? I can imagine if it was a home where some girls were allowed to have some fun while mom and dad were out on "date night," then the girls got into mom and dad's booze... or if there was an adult there who provided the booze... or something else? "Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor" seems like a charge most folks don't want to be hit with.
I anticipate this kind of thing may become an issue around the JavaHut some day.
I was mistaken, after talking
I was mistaken, after talking again in the light of day after our adrenaline came back down, DH said it was not an adult that brought her out, but probably an older student. He had pulled in the driveway and texted SD that he was there, the person brought them put and shoved SD in the back of the car saying "here is your daughter, she's been sick", with SD not coherent and getting sick on herself. DH was so shocked he didnt know how to react but to get them home. Her friend held it together until they got here, and he had to carry SD in the house. They were both covered in mud. I did not realize how bad of shape SD was in, I thought she was sleeping or pretending to sleep so she didn't have to deal with us. After the friend's dad came, I got back in bed and let him deal with SD, although I stayed up until he came up to make sure she was ok. He said the next day he thought about taking her to the ER, until he was able to get her to wake up and drink some water. This has really shaken him up, and I think it's his wake up call. Hopefully it is one for her too, but she has been at her mom's since Sunday so I don't know what she is thinking. I dont know where the booze came from, or if there were parents there. Tomorrow is her normal day here and I think DH is planning on getting some answers. Java, I have read a lot of your blogs, and I identify with you. I think we share some of the same perspectives on this step parenting gig. I have been expecting it to escalate to something like this at some point, but not so soon, a d especially not when she knew her dad was coming to get her in 2 hours. So scary to think what could have happened to her
Who was supervising under age
Who was supervising under age kids drinking? Where were the parents that live in this house?
I would visit the parents at the home. Before driving away, your DH should have dialed to dispatch an Officer to the location, and waited to file a complaint.
It is easier to address the problem head on, then to make arrangements for his daughter's funeral.