This is going to be long, sorry. Need some advice and to vent.
SO and I had reserved a cottage on a lake this year for a one-week vacation. Told both SS16 and DD15 they could each bring one friend. We knew the friend that DD wanted to bring and have been around her a lot. Kept asking SS who he was bringing and he wouldn't commit. Two days before vacation he finally said that he had asked all of his friends to go and the only who could go was Friend X. Now X is not the person SO wants SS hanging around and he was unaware that SS was doing so. X is a smart-ass, disrespectful, lying, sneaky, shit, has been caught stealing and drinking. X makes DD and her friends uncomfortable in that he stares at them and makes inappropriate remarks. DD and her friends have him blocked on all social media. This is the only one of SS's friends that DD doesn't get along with. DD asks one of SS's other friends who she is also friends with why he wasn't coming and he replied because SS never asked me. So SS lied, nothing new we are finding out more lies he has told everyday.
We compromised and said that X could come up for the day but he had to leave at night (cottage was 30 min. away) and SO would stay with the boys at all times and keep them seperated from the girls. I also told SO that if one thing made me or DD uncomfortable we would be packing up and leaving immediately.
SO made plans to pick-up SS night before when SS was out of work. SO drives 35 minutes to SS's town to pick him up and SS starts coming up with excuses. Excuse #1 - I'm not packed to which SO told him: I have to get some last minute things at the store you have 1/2 hour get packed. Excuse #2 - I have to help X pack- SO's response: X is not coming up until tomorrow afternoon after we check in, he can pack for himself tomorrow morning. Excuse #3-I have other plans-SO's response: you and I made these plans two days ago and you need to stick by them. SS would not tell SO what the plans were. Excuse #4 - mom said you can't pick me up tonight. Well SO flipped out at that one and called SS and basically told him to man-up, stop lying and stop hiding behind his mom. SS hung up on SO and later that night sent a text that said "X and I will come up tomorrow when we feel like it, if that doesn't work I'll just stay home. SO never replied to that text as he was just too mad.
So we go on vacation and do not hear another peep from SS and he never came up. At this point SO is furious that his son is trying to run the show and acting so disrespectfully that when SS birthday came on Monday he would not even text him Happy Birthday although I told him he should and by Thursday he shut off his brand new phone that SO pays for (BM who always pleads "no money" was happy to rush out and buy him a new phone and put him on her plan") Needless to say vacation was ruined. SO alternated between anger and sorrow all week. SS has been his little boy and his whole world so to find out that he is only a wallet to this kid just crashed his world. Ugh, I'm just done with it. Still haven't heard from SS-been about 2 weeks now and I am so over having to discuss this with SO for hours every day. I've encouraged him to talk to other fathers and a counselor to get a different perspective and advice, we'll see if he follows through. I don't want to tell him that I'm done trying to support him on this but honestly 1-2 hour conversations everyday for the past two weeks about his royal PITA have me pulling my hair out.
Has anyone experienced this? And if so, what did you do to help your SO handle it? And how long did it take SO to deal with it? Just looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty sure SS won't be back around until he needs Daaaadddy to buy him something. This is his regular MO and as we are finding out he is being PAS'd out by The Coven (BM, BAuntie, and BGM).