You are here

OMG! Just came across a document of H's rundown on relationship with SD and BM from 8 years ago!

fadedbackground's picture

So I was going through old files on my computer and dleting unneeded files. I came across this declaration statement H wrote up back in 2012 for his attorney when he insisted on getting one to get a parenting plan. SD was 14, almost 15, when he started doing this as they had nothing in place previous to that and BM all of a sudden saying she was moving halfway across the country to keep H from SD set this off. Oh yeah, and the initial attorney fees before things could get started was $3500 and guess who had to put up the money?! Yup, H almost angrily insisted that I HAD to pay for it because he had no money but how could I NOT do it because we were talking about him having time with his daughter! I couldn't stand having SD for even a weekend, but here I am putting up $3500 so that we can get her on a regular basis or deal with him being pissed at me for not doing it. 

So anyways, I forgot just how f'd up the situation was with BM. Their relationship started back in 1993 where they dated for a few months then broke up, got back together in 1995 and got engaged later that year. A few months later BM became pregnant and informed H that she was having an abortion that day. She also informed him that this was the third abortion she'd had with him! Not only that, but she had had MULTIPLE abortions previously with other boyfriends! Then when she did become pregnant with SD, she made statements like "I'm only doing this because YOU want a kid". I find that funny how she seemed so against having a kid but then when she did have SD, did everything in her power to keep her away from H!

In 1998 BM had a male friend move in which was supposed to only be for 2 weeks.  After 2 weeks he didn't move out and actually started moving in larger items. He refused to leave saying he was paying his share of rent so H called the police and they got him out.H confronted BM about him paying rent when he never saw any of it and apparently he was paying BM the money and she just kept it for herself. Winner!

In 1999 they separated. She quickly move in another guy who SD started referring to as "daddy" which actually explains why to this day SD calls people she barely knows her aunt or uncle or even a friend (who apparently is no longer a friend) who had a baby SD started referring to the baby as her niece!

Then this blows my mind. In 2001, BM approaches H saying that her relationship with this guy isn't going well and wants to get back together with H. She tells him that she wanted to return to school in Minnesota, not Washington, to be near her family and if H would be willing to move in order to be close to SD and how she would "never keep him from his daughter". H agreed and got a transfer to another company in MN. He moved out ahead of her because she stated that she would move out after doing her employer's taxes, which would be early Feb. of 2002. In Jan. she stopped responsing to emails and phones calls from H. He finally received a call from her saying that she wouldn't be moving out and changed her mind. She then fesses up that she didn't feel she could work on her relationship with the guy (the one she said she was leaving to get back with H!) if H was around! How manipulative to ask him to uproot and move 2000 miles away with the premise that she would move out as well.

After this there was just several occasions with BM keeping SD from H, moving again to get away from H, telling SD it woudl break her heart if she decided to live with H. All this from a woman who never even wanted a kid!

advice.only2's picture

Your H reminds me of Meth Mouths ex, she yanked him around by the d*ck their whole marriage, cheated on him, claimed he molested the kids and beat the sh*t out of him with a tire iron. After they were legally divorced and he was free of her, he started dating her and moved her back in with him because he claimed he loved her and could help get her off drugs. I think they are still on and off but it's like wow you must have some really low self esteem to keep going back to that.

fadedbackground's picture

Oh and then there's the part in his declaration where, earlier in 2012 before this whole parenting plan thing happened, SD asked to live with us because BM's boyfriend/husband (not sure which) who SD raved about and was calling "dad" just a month or so earlier now she could no longer stand and wanted to get away from. H writes "My wife and I agreed that this is something we wanted and discussed it with SD". Well not sure where he got that idea seeing as how I hated having SD with us and it was NEVER something I wanted. He never discussed it with me aside from basically talking AT me saying for months that SD needed to get away from BM and live with us for a while, to which I would only reply with by rolling my eyes or going "Mmm hmm" and changing the subject. Apparently he thought that was us discusssing it. You know, what's the big deal about going from a life without SD to having her live with us full time for at least a year! Oh and not to mention he brought this all up with SD after I went to bed one night and I could hear them talking about it!

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Your H isn't very bright, and has a history of poor decisions. I used to get very angry at the way he treated you.

BM snapped her fingers, he jumped, then he turned around and snapped his fingers at you and you jumped.


justmakingthebest's picture

Jeebus........ I feel really badly for your H.

I was scared to date my DH in the early days. He wanted his family so badly- I thought for a about a year that if BM snapped her finger and said she wanted to "start over and have their family back together again" - He would leave me in the dust. It was never fear of him not loving me and loving her still- it was that he would have done anything to get his kid and exstep kids back. He is a good dad- he just wants his son. 

Everything that DH has done to be in his son's life, only to be rejected by his son at this point is enough to make you sick. I hate that there are such truly evil women in this world that destroy a family and the men they leave behind.

fadedbackground's picture

Oh H thought the same thing, thinking about getting back with BM to be there for SD! We had been dating a year and then he moved back to be closer to SD (we were 2000 miles away from her) and I stayed put. Apparently, unbeknownst to me and I'm guessing (hoping!) before we got engaged 8 months later, he brought up with BM not once, but twice, that they should try and make it work for the benefit of SD! Both times she declined. WHY would he try and do that? Get back with Trainwreck McGee when he knows all the shit she pulled and the lies??! Becaue THAT time it would have definitely worked??

JRI's picture

I was worried sick that if BM had wanted DH back, she would only have had to say the word.  "Gee, I made a mistake running around on you and moving out to live with my BF, draining the accounts and taking the 3 kids.  Whoops.  But the kids NEED you".  But she didnt want him back and didnt have trouble letting custody of the kids go, either.


Rags's picture

Do people not have some some standard for intelligence in their partners?

What qualified this guy to be your mate?  It obviously is not his IQ.


Please tell me that this is an X you are talking about.


fadedbackground's picture

Oh and another thing H says in the letter is that "Discipline is carried about by myself when SD is with us. My wife is very easy going and prefers not to take on this role". Gee, maybe because YOU are her father and I am not her parent and you can do all the disciplining! Not to mention she was never here on a regular basis, maybe one weekend every 3 months.