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Filing a contempt motion; BM claimed SD on our tax year.

I.hate.cats's picture

Has anyone gone through this before? The divorce degree says DH gets to claim SD6 on even years. He works on a 1099 so we usually owe or get very little back. BM told DH he should just let him claim SD since he owes her CS anyway. Right, let's let her claim SD and still owe the hag the CS.

We discussed possibly letting her claim SD if she were to give us $3500 of what she got for SD. $2K would have gone to CS and we'd have kept the $1500. She got flaky after that so end of discussion only two months later, the day before DH does his taxes BM says she claimed her and if he wants his money he can take her to court. Oh and since she has primary placement and the most time with SD she's legally entitled to claim her anyway.

DH might let it go if I wasn't pushing it an I'm sure she's banking on that but she violated a court order and DH agrees we should file a contempt motion. My question is has anyone had to go this route before? We're also filing to change primary placement, any thoughts on whether or not it's considered acceptable to schedule both motions for one court date?

Thanks in advance for any feedback.

z3girl's picture

Did she ever sign the IRS form giving your DH the right to claim her in even years? If she did, then you can go ahead and file regardless, and just ignore any letter you will get from the IRS. (I don't remember the form number). BM did this to us, but I always included the signed form and a copy of the CO to the IRS, and we never had a problem. On the other hand, if your DH owes CS, you still won't get it anyway...

twoviewpoints's picture

I'm not sure why DH thought he could just negotiate a 'private' deal with BM to allow her to claim but than she would give him the return money. The IRS will grant the divorce/CO of NCP claiming the child if the procedure is followed (having BM the CP sign form 8332 which he then attaches to his tax papers).

Why would DH willingly give BM the impression she could file SD on a year that was suppose to be his? Rather sounds as if BM and DH were trying to figure out which way would give the most cash in returns and then split the cash. I'm not sure how a court would view his claiming BM is in contempt that he negotiated with her to do so and when she cuts DH out of any share he wants to cry foul. Had she did the return ad handed DH $1500 to keep ad $2500 to swing through the CS system, he was A-Okay with this supposed 'contempt' of CO.

Meh, DH either legally claims the kid on his returns or he doesn't. No private deals to work the system and then whine when BM doesn't follow through. Seriously, if DH wants his CO 'right' to claim the kid every other year, simple, follow the rules and procedure. The time to remind her it was Dh's turn and sole turn per the divorce/CO was when he approached her with form 8332 to properly sign. The man basically waived his right to claim this year, why get all up in the air angry about it now. It would have been a different story and turn out if Bm would have just raced DH to file knowing it wasn't her year...but that's not what happened. Lesson learned. You don't negotiate this crap, leave it hanging for two months and then whine about it.

twoviewpoints's picture

Beats me, HRNYC. Two months ago she commented " a stepchild starts to feel more like a home wrecking nightmare than an innocent child" all I can assume is for her it's all about the money. Why would any SM want to go from EOWE and some holidays to primary residential custody when she thinks the kid is a 'home wrecking nightmare' :? Obviously it's not about the best interest of the kid.

I'm all for NCP parents being given the chance to have as much time as possible with their children. But I'm not for doing it based on cash reasons. *shrugs* I'd think the OP would want to work on the issues in the home concerning the SD before DH starts filing for even more time.

I.hate.cats's picture

First, the delinquent amount is minimal and he makes regular monthly payments. The suggested amount of $2K going towards child support wasn't based on what DH owes. There are no stipulations on the claiming of SD for tax purposes. This is the first time DH has to file and claim her since the divorce and an neither BM nor DH were aware of the need for IRS form 8332. Yes, DH and BM did have a conversation about what would be the most beneficial way of handling taxes, however I'm fairly certain that both legally and morally speaking discussions are not the same as agreements. Since they couldn't agree, DH planned on claiming SD and it wasn't until SD mentioned BM'S sudden excessive spending after telling DH her refund would be withheld due to student loans that he confronted her. That's when she admitted to having claimed SD. Additionally, I'm fairly certain she did so before they even had the initial conversation. So without having an agreement in place, it still comes down to BM knowingly claiming SD on her off year despite the divorce degree stating otherwise, which, based on my understanding is contempt of court and a judge will order her to sign the 8332 and file an amended return. My question was basically whether anyone had gone to court or dealt with the IRS since there was an article, I believe it was in the Wall Street Journal, which stated the non custodial parent can still get shafted in spite of the divorce degree if BM doesn't sign the 8332.

In regards to placement;the divorce degree states DH has EOW and Wednesday night. Over the last three months, SD has been at OUR home over 50% of the time and WE have taken on the responsibilities that BM is neglecting e.g. school work, resolving behavior problems at school and most importantly medical care. SD is always coming over sick, most recently she woke up Thursday morning with a terrible cough. BM stated it was just allergies and under control. DH and I agreed she should see a doctor, which I took her to that afternoon; she has a sinus infection and needed antibiotics. SD still wets the bed nightly though she's 6 1/2 years old. Every time she comes to our home, she has terrible diaper rash, which we've complained about and have even gone so far so as to buy BM diaper rash cream for her house. We addressed this with the doctor as well and we were given medication to help control SD'S bedwetting. While I was there I found out BM hasn't taken SD to the doctor is two years. We took her to the doctor for her cough last time. She didn't take her for her 5 or 6 year old well child exam and she's never been to the dentist despite having visible cavities.

BM still lives in an apartment above her father's house, she pays no bills, she receives state aid for food, medical care and child care. SD comes over in stained up Walmart clothes, stretchy pants and crocs because BM can't afford it or because she doesn't get enough child support but because she's lazy and does the bare minimum as a mother. I was initially rather resentful of my SD because of her attitude but in her case, her behavior was caused by BM'S lack of discipline and rules as well as DH spoiling her to try to make up for what she doesn't get at BM's and admittedly, I filled out my account after a particularly bratty day. However over the last three months, I've spent an ample amount of time with SD and come to understand the origins of her issues, many of which have been resolved with some stability, attention and understanding. This little girl is pawned off on various caregivers including her first husband's mother so BM can resume living as though she's a single 21 year old who doesn't have children instead of a twice divorced 30 year old with 2 children and no sense of responsibility. SD's behind in school because BM put her in a 4k 'program' at a daycare instead of a school, she doesn't have any friends and doesn't participate in any extra curricular activities because BM 'doesn't have time for that.' I've watched her make make countless excuses for her mother's behavior and it's heartbreaking when she's doing so while crying about how kids pick on her for being ugly because BM doesn't brush her hair or put nice clothes on her. We buy SD'S clothes from the same place we get ours; Goodwill, yet when they get return, which only happens after constantly asking, they're stained or unwashed. So I'll be sure to update my information on my account to reflect this.

This isn't an issue of BM being a poor, misunderstood single mom who can't afford to give SD a better life. And yes, I said WE because my husband and I raise our children together, despite the fact that we don't have any biological children together. If he is awarded primary placement it will affect both of us and I'll have just as much responsibility when it comes to caring for SD as DH will.

I.hate.cats's picture

Thanks, Cat. It's good to know that there are people on here that can contribute positively. We're hoping that the judge focuses on addressing the fact sure SD'S needs are not being met. We have documentation showing that we have been the ones addressing her medical needs, dealing with her teacher, researching better schools and optional programs to help with her educational and social struggles. We are more than willing to allow her to claim SD every year and even agreed to waive any claim on child support in exchange for primary placement where BM gets EOW visitation.

HRNYC, the problem with BM is that she's very much like you; instead of focusing on the child she's going Cuba Gooding Jr. In Jerry McGuire yelling show me the money. The fact that BM has no bills yet is incapable/unwilling to provide and care for SD'S IS our business. I've spoken with BM on several occasions and have a very straightforward relationship with her; I'm aware of the details and by no means am claiming DH is perfect but good parents put the needs of their children above their desires and/or incidentals. SD should not suffer because BM is more concerned about keeping her on again off again abusive boyfriend happy. I'm not SD'S mother, I would prefer BM to step up and be the parent SD deserves but I am willing to fulfill that role. SD sees the difference at our home, as opposed to BMs, she notices how the children at school treat her differently and compliment her when we get her ready in the morning and it's apparent in her attitude, as we don't have the problems here that BM has at her house.

I.hate.cats's picture

Thank you dtzyblnd! This site needs a like button. Smile They divorced in 2013 so that was her year so 2014 was his first year. I completely agree that they both ignoramuses, haha. His lawyer didn't bother to inform him of the 8332 which drives me nuts too. I think they both just figured when he filed she wouldn't and that was that until someone, likely her boyfriend, told her that since she had SD more than 1/2 the year that she could claim her and she didn't do any more research than he did.

I.hate.cats's picture

Hrnyc- Holy blinders on. In some divorce decrees the non custodial parent is given the right to claim the child every year because it helps them to pay child support. The CP doesn't have to claim the money they receive from CS on their taxes and the non CO'S share is determined pre-tax. Once again, there is no clause regarding CS and taxes. Additionally BM claimed SD because she felt the court order was superceded by IRS regulations based on placement.

It is her business that I help DH; because I'm helping take their daughter to the doctor, to the library, to swimming lessons, to a specialized reading program. We have three other children and we live in a state where neither of us have family so that we can be here for SD. It's also our business that she has more help than most two parent families, ours included, yet she doesn't take care of her daughter and, much like you, cares about nothing other than money. All of which, in your factless opinion, entitles her to over ten times what he owes her in the form of a federal tax return. Sounds legit.

I'm sorry if you have issues collecting CS on your child(ren) but you need to stop projecting; you haven't contributed anything to this post and although I appreciate you pointing out that I should update my bio I'd appreciate it more if you'd stop commenting. This site clearly states 'where step parents come to vent'. If I wanted to read the rantings of an idiot say it doesn't matter that I'm a terrible parent, I deserve more money I'd read the text messages BM has sent DH.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I have not read all the replies. Here is what I know of taxes.

If you go to thier web site, they do not care about COs after 2009. It states no need to send in a CO. They have a calculation. Basically, who ever the kid lives with the most and also provides the most money to support the child gets to claim the child.

If support for the child is equal, then you spilt every other year.

And....side note....your saying the child does not have proper clothing, etc, yet tour SO is behind in CS.

Yeah.....cant complain about that one. He needs to pay his support on time.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I get sick of the "shit happens people" excuse for not paying child support.

The kid has a right to still be supported.

He should go to court and ask for a reduction if his job status changed.

Do it the right way.

And his whole tax mess is a mess because he is not keeping to orders, keeping taxes and child support separate. He is making his financial life more complicated.

He pays CS. Not our tax dollars.

WTF...REALLY's picture

I read it that there is no CO in regards to who claims the child. They have a CO, but no stipulations for tax claim.

I.hate.cats's picture

No, the CO states even years are HIS; they don't say even years are his if he is current on his CS or as long as BM agrees, it clearly states HE GETS TO CLAIM SD ON EVEN YEARS~period and yep, Jayray, the bitch still expects to be paid the back due on top of it. She has no bills, no financial responsibility and still doesn't provide properly for SD; even after getting that fat tax check SD was wearing stained clothes, her hair wasn't brushed, she had terrible diaper rash (At SIX years old) from wetting the bed and not being bathed. Plus she was sick because BM couldn't be bothered to take her to the doctor.

We've been waiting on a modification hearing for both placement and support. We even agreed to forgo any action regarding this and waive our claim to any child support from her if she'd just agree to give us placement of SD. But once again BM thinks she's above the law and the ass backwards court systems practically condone it.

twoviewpoints's picture

I was glad you came back and clarified yesterday. At first read (IMO) you hadn't left a great first impression...too bad the kiddo has a lazy half ass mother. Is the BM as careless with her own appearance and upkeep as she is with the little girl?

I'm surprised BM gets away with enrolling the little one in daycare/pre=school without documented child health care. Pre-k and/or kindergarten here have mandatory physicals, up to date immunizations and dentist checks. The kiddo wouldn't get in the door here without proof of these normal routine examines. Your BM could likely get these examines free through the local county health department and if there was a need for more they would help her check if she were qualifying for Medicaid or your state's child healthcare program. I suppose though it's more a case of too lazy than real lack of access to care?

Except for the alternating years tax claim, there's not really much more the CO can order on other than what has already been (tax claim wise). The IRS makes the tax rules and it's the IRS procedures which must be followed. BM/Dh's CO does not overrule IRS rules, it merely shows the two parents have an agreement to allow it...Dh still has to meet the requires to claim his daughter under the IRS rules and guidelines. Your DH has to have BM sign and waive with the 8332 form. He also needs to make copies to future years if BM waives numerous years (they can actually sign the form waiving more than one year at a time ex 2017, 2019, 2021) but each year he does claim her he must attach a copy of the original form.

Your Dh is going to need documentation and proof of child neglect to get the custody changed. At times it seems the mother has to actually terrorize and torture a kid to get a change. Though it sounds like DH has very good reasons for a change, it's not as easy thing to do. Unfortunately some of these request ends up with BM being ordered to take parenting classes, cleaning up her home and the like before the system will take the child from the home. Sad. And you can bet your buns BM will not readily agree to a custodial...her daughter is her meal ticket so to say. You might have to work a while on the residential custody thing before that part becomes reality.

It sounds like you've worked on some of the home issues you were so frustrated about (the re-posted old comment I quoted). Adjusting to each other (and topping it off with different parenting ideas and methods between Dad and SM) is hard, it makes it triple hard when there is a young child going from one home environment to another. Your home vs BM's home sound light years away from each other. That's gotta be tough on the kiddo. Going from one home where she's all but allowed to be there but forgotten (BM's) to your home with expectations, rules and routines. It's also tough on you. You end up sitting there thinking 'where the hell did this little demon child come from'. Lots of times Dad/SM no more get kiddo back into routine and going fairly smooth again before it's time to send her back to BM. Only to start all over again on the next switch.

I.hate.cats's picture

My mother actually pointed out to me last week just how much my view on SD6 has changed over the past few months. Initially DH would say things like since BM doesn't have any rules I don't want SD to think that you're mean or to dislike coming here which caused some problems between us because in my mind SD would continue to be demanding, disrespectful and maintain that entitled attitude while DH made excuses for it year after year. DH starts work very early so I became responsible for taking SD to school and occasionally picking her up and in this time together, I got to see the real SD who was aggressive to cover her insecurity because kids at school picked on her, I came to understand that she equated DH buying her things to love and that BM never taught her the importance of manners, patience or gratitude. Once I was able to look at her through different eyes, I became determined to help her and show her that things could be different.

BM has Medicaid for SD but as you said, is too lazy to take her to the doctor. We took SD to the doctor last week because she had this terrible cough; BM insisted it was just allergies - turns out it was a sinus infection. DH has also talked to BM countless times about the fact that SD comes over with diaper rash - yes you read that right. We've even bought her cream for her house. SD's 6 1/2 and still wets the bed every night. SD wears pull ups which can only hold so much and often at our home, even with limitations on drinking, she wakes up soaked; wet pj's, wet blankets, etc. We give her a bath and put cream on her, have even gotten medicine from the doctor to help her stop bedwetting. BM doesn't bathe her so every time SD comes back from BM'S her rash is back. It hurts her to use the bathroom and her teacher has even complained about how long she spends in the bathroom. We've taken pictures of how bad the rash is, we've talked to the doctor about it and even let her teacher know what's causing the extended bathroom breaks.

We have a follow up visit scheduled with her doctor later today to adjust her medication dose and find out the results of the urine culture they ran. The doc wanted to rule out a bladder/UTI as a possible cause of the bedwetting so they did a urinalysis which tested positive for bacteria and required more testing. They said the antibiotics for her sinus infection should help with any possible infection there as well but BM isn't giving SD the meds. In fact she's been lying to DH about it; we got two bottles of amoxicillin, I only gave her one and with just enough doses to get through until we got her back last night. Had she been giving SD her meds, she wouldn't have had any to give back. Instead, after much hassle we found out there's a mostly full bottle that BM was too busy to get to us. Luckily I planned for that but we shouldn't have to.

The hardest part is, like you said, just how much a judge will need to change placement. BM took the earliest shift possible so SD is woken up before 5a.m. and shuffled off to daycare for 3 hours before school which has had a negative impact on her behavior at school. We're hoping that between failure to provide medical care, her educational and social difficulties, constantly leaving SD w caregivers and the fact that SD has another option which would be better for her all around, we're hoping the judge is at least willing to change placement on a trial basis and see if it is better for her.