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OH BOY I said something I regret

Timetogiveup's picture

My MIL is here, she is a nice lady and we get along BUT she is still my MIL.
Yesterday, I got SS16 a package of boneless pork chops; it’s the only thing other than Hot Pockets he can cook. I was rewrapping then into serving size packages for him. MIL was asking why, told her SS can cook this for breakfast or lunch ….you had to see the look on her face. She actually said “YOU should be cooking HIS lunch”. I said No, he is 16 and he his capable. Then MIL did a low blow, “Well, it’s not like you work or anything it’s the least you can do for DH is cook his son lunch.” Very Calmly I said I am your son’s wife not your grandson’s mother or servant. She got all pissed and has been in the bathroom the past 45 mins.
I am dreading this weekend, we are going up to our cabin it’s a 2 ½ hour drive, no TV or internet…I think I will be regretting what I said.

krenee86's picture

Good for you! You spoke your mind and she deserved to hear how you felt. If shes upset about that then shes nuts. At 16 most teens like to be treated as though their adults, especially that age! Adults cook for themselves, most times anyways, I don't think you have done anything wrong. You were already putting them in serving size for him, all he had to do was cook it up, which you said he knows how to do himself. I don't see the problem. I think she just wanted to pick a fight, or maybe shes just really old fashioned. Good luck on your trip to the cabin! Don't worry to much about it.

Timetogiveup's picture

My MIL expects the same from me...go the extra 1000 miles. I just don't get this....the bar is set soooo frigging high for me but yet BM has no expectations.I don't get that. BM is a useless POS, I guess I am to go above and beyond with the kid to make for her? When I first met DH....I told me I never had kids because I HATE the....I really do......everyone knows that. I was able to tolerate kids for a while....little girls more because you can do crafts and crap like that with them. So, it was clear from the begining don't expect me to be a mother hen...because it ain't happening. I bite my tongue twice this week......I almost told her he ain't my f'ing kid.

purpledaisies's picture

Good for you. I would have said the same thing. I don;t do those things for my kids so I am not doing for anyone elses kids either! She needed you to stand up to her like that, hopefully this will get her thinking before she opens her mouth.

Totalybogus's picture

I think its nice of you to even do that. My own bio-kids got deli meats, pbj or egg salad, all of which they had to prepare for themselves.

tofurkey's picture

Kudos to you! My MIL is a nice woman as well, but to her the sun still rises and sets around SD. That's why I can never enjoy my visits with her because that's literally all she talks about the whole time. She doesn't have any boundaries when it comes to her and BM. If you have read one of my posts before she always ends up sitting there while i'm sitting right next to her and talk with BM on speaker phone. I would love to give her a lesson about respect one of these times, but i'm sure i never will....So good for you!

Timetogiveup's picture

I do feel MUCH better. First of all, I can't beleive that I go to a therapist...I lived with a man that beat the crap out of me and didn't have to go.....but this Skid thing (along with my parents passing 3 months apart) has made my life difficult. My "homework" was to set two boundaries...I did one. I am just so F'ing tired of being a patsy because of this damn kid. I am sick and tired of walking on eggs...we can't piss the kid the off.....we can't piss BM off....but its ok to piss me off but not pissing them off????

SHe finally did come out of the bathroom....she isn't even looking at me. Oh well.

starfish's picture

i think you handled it well, i would have said something involving several far worse choice of words.... ie; kiss my ass, fuck that, uh, i don't think so, no way in hell am i babying his pansy ass... you get the picture... just imagine how worse it could have been.... and pack accordingly for the w/e...ie, liquor store

hbell0428's picture

Don't regret that; she should be apologizing to you for sticking her big fat nose in your business. This is your house and you run it they way you want! If things work that way for you all then screw it. Just because you don't work doesn't make you the servant!!

JMC's picture

What planet is your MIL from?! It's damn nice of you to even have purchased and packaged something the kid actually likes and knows how to cook for himself. Don't have any regrets for what you said - good for you for speaking up - MIL owes you an apology.

oneoffour's picture

My response would be...

"I should be cooking for him? But really, he loves taking care of himself. He will make some woman a wonderful husband one day just like his father. I am so lucky! All young men should know how to cook themselves a proper meal. Then they don't eat silly takeouts all the time. Don't you agree?" With a big smile on your face.

Quyjye's picture

You probable wouldn't have a good relationship with your MIL even if you cooked the pork chops for your SS. With the comments that she made to you, you now know how she really thinks about you. Your the step Mother and now she knows where you stand. Don't regret what you said to your MIL, just hold your head up high and be confident, maybe she realize that you are right. All you really need to be conserned about is that you and your DH are good. I would like to be the fly on the wall at the cabin and in the car.

winehead's picture

Nah, don't regret it. Is she old fashioned expecting women to cook and clean and the men to do, wait, what is it they're supposed to do?

mmmpork's picture

BF's mom is kerrazy and he has some issues where he could never stand up to her. His parents got divorced when he was young and he reminded his mom so much of his father that she took it out on him. Fast forward to adulthood and it's no question why he got involved with BM, she treated him like shit, just like his mom. A few months ago, his mom came out and we went on a roadtrip with her. I had made the mistake of eating some of the food she cooked and had horrible diarrhea the next day. We got to the hotel at a place we were staying and she totally disappeared with the room keys and no information about where our rooms were. Meantime I'm about to shit my pants. Finally we found her and I got into the bathroom. Well she decided she didn't like my attitude and tried to start a fight with me. She was still harboring resentment against BM and wanted to take it out on me. I told her I did not need to be a part of the conversation and left. Then she came into our hotel room and tried to engage BF in an extremely degrading way in front of SD3 and was trying to get SD3 involved. I reminded both of them that we were here to spend time with his daughter and took SD3 outside to play and told BF he needed to come join us and told his mom that she needed to back off. Well they had it out for a bit but eventually BF joined us and said his mom was sorry for being rude to me and that it was the first time she'd ever seen BF stand up for himself and that I'm a good influence Smile She's still not allowed to sleep in our house tho Biggrin

So yeah, long story short, MIL's are crazy, but it's important to stand up to them so you get respect.

SusiQ's picture

Comments about what I should be doing for SS were the beginning of the end for my relationship with my MIL.

Don't regret it - I might even drop at hint to SS that his g-ma thinks he can't do for himself and still needs to haev his hand held

Mrs. Behavin in TX's picture

You went easy on that evil cow. I don't know what I would have said but it would have been bad and I can guarantee you she would have been "relocated" to the nearest roach-infested motel.

P.S. What your MIL said to you is NOT something that a nice person would say. It's hurtful, belittling and downright classless. You were the nice and classy one. Hang in there!!

fugfrog's picture

I wouldn't regret it at all!!! Like the others have said - should have told her to cook it! Does she work? I would have used that too hahaha. Nice one!