Like nothing ever happened??!
After loving her and treating her as my own for 9 years I have gone through hell with my 17 yr old step daughter being rude and ungrateful and disrespectful for almost a year. She’s also done some pretty awful things. In addition to the crap she’s pulled she has lied about me and told everyone I’m a horrible person yet she has no reason why she dislikes me when they (her mom her dad her gparents) ask. I get zero help from my husband who says she doesnt listen there’s nothing he can do and I just have to deal with it for another year (she just turned 17). I have been both physically and emotionally sick about this for MONTHS and MONTHS. I also have 9 & 2 yr old sons. I have been asking my husband if we can all 3 sit down and deal with what’s going on but of course it’s just not a priority for him. Yesterday she started acknowledging my existence, my sister was here and she came out and talked to her like they were best friends. Then last night she comes out and talked about a TV show to my husband and I just like nothing ever happened. I am too hurt and upset to just pretend like nothing ever happened!!! I want to yell and scream and ask how can you just pretend like you haven’t been an ungrateful brat this whole time? What do I do???
Teenage girls need
Teenage girls need a target for their rage and frustration like we need food and water. Having a stepmother is a Godsend for them. Who is going to make them stop? Their father? Ha! He is TERRIFIED of the cute little girl who suddenly has become a shrieking harpy with breasts that could turn up pregnant any day. Do you really think he wants to cross her and risk his life getting any more complicated than it already is? Not a chance. The only thing you can do is starve the beast. Stop showing that she is getting to you and anything you do for her STOP IMMEDIATELY. You are simply too busy with your younger children, your work, your headache, or your infected toenail to possibly do (fill in the blank.) Besides, she is almost an adult now, right? Time for her to (fill in the blank.) Anything from laundry to getting her favorite snacks to shoes for the prom. We do not do favors for people who scream at us. And as far as Christmas, daddy dearest will need to pick out her presents. Sadly, given that she has been unwilling to speak to you, you don't feel that you know her well enough to pick out anything that she would like anymore and it would just be a waste of money. What a shame!
I would only add that this
I would only add that this works for bios and skids, toxic people, assholes, basically anyone who treats you like crap.
Spoken like someone
Spoken like someone who has uttered the timeless words "Oh f*ck this!!!!"
What do YOU want to do? Since
What do YOU want to do? Since you can not change OR control her, you have to change you, your reactions. Your giving nature.
Just be polite--------------Nice day outside today. or Happy Thanksgiving or Merry Christmas OR Look your dad looks so happy today.
Expect a foul response or no response. She can NOT take away your politeness.
I am sorry that your husband allows his daughter to treat you poorly. There is no reason OR excuse for that. A little politeness would go a long way for SD too. Guess she is acting like the woman who raised her. Do not underestimate the reality behind that.
My bio kids were told, NOT asked but told to "treat your dads wife with dignity, kindess and respect..she is YOUR dads wife" She is always super kind.
I WOULD NOT put up with my kids being awful to their step mother. Your bm must be a real gem.
Read up on disengagement..
Read up on disengagement...there is a disengagement forum on this site that is a godsend. It takes a while to get the hang of it but it gets easier over time. And don't commit the rookie mistake of announcing your disengagement to your DH or SD. Just do it. And just hang around the site boards and read.
If your DH won't help you with SD, you simply will have to help yourself. Hugs to you. You are not alone. There is a lot of support here.
Aholes just be aholes - and
Aholes just be aholes - and one does not have to give them one second of your time or respect. Just tell her to go eff herself and the horse she rode in on. She's not 5.
You know what to do
You said... “I want to yell and scream and ask how can you just pretend like you haven’t been an ungrateful brat this whole time?”
If I were you, I’d say that. Without the yelling and screaming. Say it. Tell her it’s not okay. Then stop dealing with her. She’s 17. She knows she’s been a B to you. If you play along, she’ll think it’s okay to treat you like crap and then act like nothing happened. Stand up for yourself by not tolerating people who treat you poorly. At 17, she’s basically an adult. What would you do if a coworker treated you the same way?