I am scared of how much divorce will cost
I feel like I am at my wits end with my husband putting his deceitful manipulative 17 yr old ahead of me in our marriage and I cant do it anymore. I am seriously considering filing for a divorce but I am terrified. How do I afford it? We own a home, and we have debt. My husband recently sold my mini van and bought a nice car for me, but he pays for it. I do not have a car, I have a job, but I cannot support myself and my kids on my income while also paying for childcare. There is no way that I can afford to live in our home on my income. I live in Denver which is ridiculously expensive.
Would I have to put a retainer on a credit card? I am scared that I would not get any form of alimony as I have read that is not always guaranteed. If I got a divorce I would have to quit my job, I make $1600/ month after paying for daycare. That would cover a small apartment with no food, no utilties, and no insurance.
I am pregnant and I have a 9 yr old that is all mine, and a 2 yr old that I would have to share custody with my husband.
It sounds as if you would
It sounds as if you would qualify for some sort of subsidy to help cover daycare/rent costs. If you are pregnant and have a 2 yr old, your husband would be responsible for sharing the costs of those two with you via child support and some percentage of extracurriculars/health coverage. Look into assistance in your area. I'm sure between assistance, working, and child support, you would be okay.
Just consider the newborn baby... You will likely need some sort of leave, even if it's just a few weeks. And if breastfeeding, look into laws surrounding protecting you/baby from being separated for visitation right away. In general, I'm a believer in mom and baby spending as much time as possible together during the newborn days.
I qualify for nothing
I make $3k/month before paying any bills or daycare, the only thing I will qualify for is childcare assistance. I am so scared but I cannot live like this.
Most attorneys will give free
Most attorneys will give free consultations, go find one.
He will have to pay you child support and part of child care if you split up.
Child support will be reduced
Child support will be reduced though because of the 17yr old.
There will never be a good
There will never be a good time to do this- the situation will not get better and you cannot afford, for your children's sake, to go under. I think you know you have to go, but you need to get as much advice and support as you can to make sure life isn't more difficult than it needs to be. At the moment you can't see things clearly, but with the right help you will.
Although not in the same situation as yourself with dependent children, I also couldn't see how I could support myself once I had left my relationship- but in the end I walked out and I had no idea what I was going to do- but, with the help of family, friends and work colleagues I made it and have never looked back. Until you get out of the toxic craziness you won't be able to think straight,but once you're out of there things will begin to fall into place.
There are many on here who have been where you are and they have come through it- be hopeful and be strong.
I will pm you info on a divorce attorney.
I'm pretty sure they will do an initial consultation for free. In my experience Colorado is still somewhat pro woman when it comes to divorce, so you may end up better than you think you will. You may have to move out of Denver proper, the suburbs are are a little less expensive.
At this point, you might want to consider a separation. Move out and let DH live with his SD. He may come to realize how much he misses you. You can continue counseling while you are separated. DH can pay you child support while you are separated.
In Colorado you start with a separation agreement which turns into a divorce agreement when the divorce is finalized. It is the same paperwork. You have to wait a minimum of 3 months for the divorce to be final. You can be legally separated as long as both parties want to.
Have you two gone to
Have you two gone to counseling to try to work things out? If not as a couple have you went on your own? If you didn't have kids with him I'd say run for the hills and live in a tent but you'll have a baby and a toddler that he'll share custody of. Skid is 17, what are the launch plans after high school? Can you live apart for a bit or with your family to take a time out from the situation? Once men know what they're about to lose they sometimes change gears.
If you do decide to pursue divorce you probably would get alimony at least for a bit due to the fact that you'll be on maternity leave and of course you'll get cs for your two kids.
I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this on top of being pregnant. (((HUGS)))
Sorry this is happening
I think about divorce too, but I dont have any children and things are getting better, recently.
Good luck and (hugs to you)