Need Help With This One
Okay - not sure how to handle this one because it's brought up ALL kinds of emotion on me.
My 19yo SD is due to have a baby later this year. In the time I've known her I've come to find out she's a huge liar, drama queen, and manipulator. But - at the same time she has told me numerous times that she loves me and sees me as a mom as well as her own mother. Tells me I can talk to her about anything...and she and I have had some serious talks about stuff too.
Now...I get on Facebook and got a very weird email telling me that I needed to look at her mother's account at a very damning statement that my SD wrote...about me. I didn't even know her crackwhore mother had a Facebook account. So I looked through her many friends and found her mother. After looking through the many comments I found where her mother was griping about her current boyfriend being very controlling and not willing to share their time with anyone else.
My SD had written that she sees her mother struggle with the control issues with this guy and she said "I don't want to lose my mother to a guy..I already lost my father to some girl."
I was flabbergasted...but honestly not surprised. This just confirmed what I thought all along on how she feels the need to be in total attention seeking mode from Daddy when she's down here.
All I am guilty of here is falling in love with this childish woman's father....if you read my past posts you can see how I've had to really hold my tongue on her attention seeking out of control behavior...and this Facebook comment just cinched it for me.
I know now where this woman's thoughts are...but what she is not realizing is that in the time I've known her I've seen her lie to her father wayyyyyyyy too many times to count you know? And they have argued over her constant standing up for her worthless mother. I have watched my DH and his daughter grow apart over her OWN behavior..and I have done nothing to stop their time together. I've even went out of my way to let them spend time alone when she's here...
And yet me...'the girl'...has made her lose her father.
Not sure how to address this one..if I do, I'll have to admit I was snooping on Facebook...ideas??
Yup, sounds like a case of
Yup, sounds like a case of attention-seeking Drama Queen BS all right. I'd say the best thing to do would be to ignore it. I'll bet she didn't even mean it, the most refined and well-practiced Drama Queens will say and do ANYTHING for attention, ESPECIALLY for pity. If you say anything, you'll likely just play into her drama, which is probably what she wants anyway since for most Drama Queens, the more drama the better. Especially if it involves snooping on the Facebook. Then, when you don't play into the drama, she's going to get mad and accuse you of not caring about her. Because Drama Queens create their own drama when it's not created for them. I had to break up with a best friend because of her drama, and now I'm stuck with DH's ex-wife who is a huge Drama Queen and has made the SS's into Drama Queens too. BM's thing is pity attention and compliment fishing through self-deprication. Before SS11 was diagnosed with ADHD, he was having a lot of problems in school. One night, she was trying to elicit pity attention from me by saying, "I just don't know what's wrong with him, I've been blaming myself (tear)." What she wanted me to say was, "Oh, it's not your fault! You're a good mom!" What I said in reality was, "Well, we'll just have to wait and see." She hated me from that moment on because she knew I wasn't going to play into her drama crap.
Wish I knew what to say... I
Wish I knew what to say... I have a little manipulative, itchy SD myself. I think if you can, ignore it. There is no reason to play into her script. I know that is easier said than done because most of the time I have a hard time biting my tongue.
She obviously is dealing with other issues and really I feel sorry for anyone whos BM is a looser. It really messes up the kids who grow into damaged adults. Sounds like she is still wanting her mother to be there for her. You should try to be there for her but at a safe distance.
Take her for what she says to
Take her for what she says to your face, not what she says behind your back, but let her know it hurts you when she posts things that others see. You're fair to her, you love her, you have done all you can for her and for your DH, and it hurts to be publicly denigrated like that. Then I'd drop it. don't engage in some big dramatic argument because that's what she wants. Just let her know you love her and she hurt your feelings and walk off... She'll feel like hammered ass for it and I bet it doesn't happen again.