Need help :(
I had written here a month ago that I broke up with my bf because I was not sure if I wanted to get married considering he has kids. Even though every person out there tells me I did the right thing, I somehow deep down think otherwise. I miss him a lot...i feel guilty for leaving him...and at times i feel panicked that i made a mistake by letting go off someone i loved and got along so well. I cry at nights and whenever i am alone, I think about him. For a while my coping mechanism was the thoughts of going back to him, but time has been passing by and i haven't done that. Realizing that I might never see him again, makes me very depressed. I keep my mind busy and am usually ok around friends with his thought dangling somewhere over my head in the background, but I can still socialize or get my mind off him for a bit. It gets really worse at nights. I stay up till very late thinking about him. I went to see a therapist who by the way told me there were a lot of grey area in our relationship and I didn't have a real taste of it so it was for the best to let it go. I didn't tell her that I am having such a hard time doing that. I have put my life on a hold thinking I will find a solution, but I can't seem to find that solution, that peace of mind. The more time passes, the more depressed i have become.
My friends are trying to hook me up with another single guy, but I have no interest. When people tell me that he would have put you after his kids, I nod, but deep down I think so what, it is ok everyone has their own place. The thing is I love kids and always wanted to adopt kids and help others and now that I got the opportunity i backed down. While I am scared of the skid and BM issues, I also kind of feel excited at the thought of having skids and do things with them or taking care of them. I am in constant battle with myself. On one hand, i tell myself that i am smart enough to keep myself away from headache in the long run, on the other I am suffering at this moment right now. I need support, thanks for listening.