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Need help :(

feelinglost's picture

I had written here a month ago that I broke up with my bf because I was not sure if I wanted to get married considering he has kids. Even though every person out there tells me I did the right thing, I somehow deep down think otherwise. I miss him a lot...i feel guilty for leaving him...and at times i feel panicked that i made a mistake by letting go off someone i loved and got along so well. I cry at nights and whenever i am alone, I think about him. For a while my coping mechanism was the thoughts of going back to him, but time has been passing by and i haven't done that. Realizing that I might never see him again, makes me very depressed. I keep my mind busy and am usually ok around friends with his thought dangling somewhere over my head in the background, but I can still socialize or get my mind off him for a bit. It gets really worse at nights. I stay up till very late thinking about him. I went to see a therapist who by the way told me there were a lot of grey area in our relationship and I didn't have a real taste of it so it was for the best to let it go. I didn't tell her that I am having such a hard time doing that. I have put my life on a hold thinking I will find a solution, but I can't seem to find that solution, that peace of mind. The more time passes, the more depressed i have become.

My friends are trying to hook me up with another single guy, but I have no interest. When people tell me that he would have put you after his kids, I nod, but deep down I think so what, it is ok everyone has their own place. The thing is I love kids and always wanted to adopt kids and help others and now that I got the opportunity i backed down. While I am scared of the skid and BM issues, I also kind of feel excited at the thought of having skids and do things with them or taking care of them. I am in constant battle with myself. On one hand, i tell myself that i am smart enough to keep myself away from headache in the long run, on the other I am suffering at this moment right now. I need support, thanks for listening.

anafiodorova's picture

I am going through it - it is slow and difficult but at the end rewarding. Make the changes and donot look back. Share with therapist , go out with the single guy even if you do not want to. If you argue with reality you will suffer. You backed off for a reason - instinct . Trust yourself and do not stay chained for that situation.

Change is DIVINE....Trust that something amazing is out there for you and until you wake up and enjoy the world it will not show up for you. Start living YOUR life for YOURSELF.
Anytime you need a therapist to get over a guy - that was not a healthy relationship.It is never a healthy situation.

I started doing meditation before I went to sleep - it really helped. Then in the morning I also did meditation. Then I moved to another continent :)- that truly helped:)

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST and the rest will follow. Do not stay chained to this guy and his life and problems.
This is his baggage and his problems to deal with.You cannot save , fix , make him a better person or subject your whole life to being a doormat. Love yourself - FIRST.A man is supposed to add to you , make you a better, more loving, joyful , happy version of you and not make you go to therapy. This is not healthy and you know it.

I also did some work on myself and that helped me a lot to grow and awaken to my true inner power.
Surround yourself with family and friends. Do not stay alone and keep yourself as busy as you can and never ever look back. Keep on walking .....and give that love of yours to your family and friends and people that return it.

I was in your situation and felt exactly this way 6 months ago and I will share my experience if you send me a private message.

Smile and notice the beauty in life- breathe and love everything around you !Sending you much love and know that you are loved.Trust yourself and love yourself!

emotionaly beat up's picture

Sweetheart you are being very, very hard on yourelf expecting to be on top of things after a month. A month is such a short time, if you loved this man, or even just liked him a lot, of course you would miss him, that's natural. Please be kind to yourself and give yourself some time. It will all work out. But really witholding information about how you are feeling from you therapist is not a good idea. She is not a mind reader, nor is she there to guess what you are feeling, she needs you to tell he. So, be honest with her, be kind to yourself, don't expect too much too soon and it will all be okay.