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ness's picture

Im going to be married this march to my boyfriend who has 2 small boys.. But I feel lost. It was very quickly him and I became a couple after he left his wife, which makes me the first woman his boys have every meant. Before I moved in with him, the arrangement he had with his ex was he sees his boys twice during the week and has them sat to sun.. once I moved in with him, she didn't feel comfortable with their kids spending the night, which I understand being that I was very new in his life. But it also became an issue for him to even bring his boys over to see me, to the point that he had to go to his old house to see them during the week after work for about 2 hours, then on weekends occasionally I he would bring them by so I could see them. I need help as to where I go from here... I told him that I wasn't feeling very comfortable with him going over to his old house since it gives a sense of "family" to his kids which probably confuses them, and to be quiet frank it made me uneasy, but more on the respect side. I am visiting my family in the states but we live in England, he will be coming here for our wedding which I have told him that once we are married I think its only fair for things to change. I feel the arrangement him and his ex had should go as planned, if his boys aren't comfortable spending the night with us that's understandable but it should be up to them. I also feel that him going to his old house and all being under the same roof should stop.. I want his kids to grow up and have a great relationship with me, which his youngest does, but his oldest whose 8 isn't there yet, which I understand. I don't want them to look at me as the bad since my fiancée was the one who decided to leave.. I just don't know what to do. I want to marry him b/c I do love him, but I don't want 5 years to go by and his boys not like me, and for things to become "normal" with him going to see them at his old house.. what do I do? help Sad


andrew_street's picture


Disneyfan's picture

You're kidding yourself if you think saying I do will change this. Regardless of what BM wants, he is the one making the choice to go along with the current set up.