MIL inviting BM and SD to drive by shower
Hope everyone is doing well. I'm back again with more drama my pregnancy has been so rough and I'm just ready to cut off everyone at this point.Today's issue comes from my MIL who I am seriously considering cutting off contact with. I have always gotten along with my MIL but she has been so pushy with my pregnancy making it about herself.
My MIL went behind my back after I told her several times I did not want a baby shower and planned a huge one. She finally tells me and shows me this 50 person guest list. I automatically told her no because of covid and all her out of town/state friends and family coming. My husband told me I was being rude and to just let his mom have one. So we compromised on a tacky drive by shower as I was not going to be in a small room with 50 people and she had already spent so much money on decorations and food.
SD has been estranged for awhile and still refuses to speak to my husband. He had to meet BM last week to drop off her birthday gifts at a gas station because SD didn't want him to even drop them off in her driveway. SD doesn't acknowledge any of the gifts, no thank you absolutely silence. My husband texts BM to ask if SD liked them or what she said and BM never replied either.
My MIL was angry that SD and BM never said thank you to her or anyone else for her presents but now she wants to invite her to the drive by baby shower. I am furious! I told her no and I have already had most of my pregnancy ruined by SD. I will not sit through a humiliating drive by shower and have SD possibly show up and ruin it or make me uncomfortable. I really don't think SD would even go but just the suggestion pisses me off. My MIL said she will call me at the end of the week to talk about it. I'm thinking about giving her and ultimatum and if she does completely cutting her out over this. I am due any day now and there is a very big possibility that I won't even make it to the shower. I already feel betrayed because my MIL invited BM's best friend to drive by with her kids because she is close friend's with her mom. This is a girl who I personally have never met but used to follow my husband around with BM and harass. They would show up together at his job and sit outside for hours and stalk him when he lived with his parents. Just making his life hell.
I don't know how to handle this situation without completely going off and ruining my relationship with his mom. My husband just found out that she invited BM's friend and wasn't too happy. He is not attending the shower due to work so it's not like he has to deal with it. He doesn't know that now she is trying to invite BM to bring SD yet. I don't feel like I am overreacting but my MIL thinks that I am just crazy for being worried about SD and BM causing trouble.
Boundary stomping
I thought my DH was the worst boundary stomper in the world but your MIL takes the cake. The shower is a Boundary Stomping Festival!
I would be inclined to just let whoever shows up drive by and just get it over with. Its just an hour or so. Concentrate on yourself and the baby's imminent arrival and just let it roll off.
Unfortunately, I think you'll have more serious issues to address with her once the baby comes. . She sounds like a nightmare.
On what planet does MIL live?
On what planet does MIL live? On what planet is it ok to invite the ex wife to a baby shower (even a drive by one)?
The day of the shower, go into labor
The day of the showe, go into labor. There is no way you can sit out in the sun and wave to people while in labor.The day after, announce it was"false labor." There is no way you should be forced into doing this when you don't want to. Then, tell your DH that if he doesn't get his mother under control, that you will. Then follow through and cut her out, at least for the time being.
And while you are at it, point out to him that his behavor towards his daughter is pathetic. It is unbelievable that he took her presents to a gas station because she didn't want him at the house. Just how low will he grovel for her attention?
I feel so sorry for you! I hope their are people in your life who can give you the real world support that you deserve.
I'm hoping I go into labor
I'm hoping I go into labor and then I'll be free. I agree his behavior is embarrassing. He is just really depressed and I don't know how to make him "normal" again if that's even possible. BM and SD have been constant trouble since I've been with him and the thought of them being involved in anything that has to do with me after all this angers me.
False labor at that stage of
False labor at that stage of your pregnancy is always a possibility.
But, if you do end up sitting on the lawn for this, be sure to wear a mask. That way no one can see your facial expressions (they always give me away).
HAHAHAHHA
This advice is gold! *lol*
While masks might be
While masks might be uncomfortable, I love the fact I can let my inner toddler out and stick my tongue out at people that I don't like. Even if they don't know, I feel better.
My husbands exwife had her siblings and father who were police
Officers threaten to stab and shoot him with a gun. None of hubbys family are on good terms with exwifes family apart from hubbys sil because she is the same behaviour as exwife, into breaking up relationships to score a man!!
if exwife calls hubbys sister to bitch bs about him its lots of eye rolls and they call hubby to tell him what crazy ex said and usual eye rolls she is a psycho....
personally i am not into baby showers, its too tacky for me... i’d much rather plan a babymoon and whatever baby shopping stuff we need basically buy with hubby..
but never would hubby even allow someone who stalked and harrassed him come by our home, if exwife rocked up via an invite from skids, hubby would 100% support me in calling the cops.
Its more of my home than skids since they treat it more like a pitstop halfway house. They don’t make decisions regarding how our house is run...
your mil does not respect boundaries, she made an executive decision to invite people without discussing with you, she ordered food and decorations without discussing with you, invited ex wife sd and the friend of bio mum without discussing with you, i’d be tempted to tell mil the party isn’t happening and go out with a friend for a spa day or facial pampering session!!
your husband is having the mentality “I don’t want drama” so between you and mil he panders to bio mum. This is your day and time and you get to spend it how you want!! This won’t get better until you out your foot down. Hubby knows between pandering to his siblings and me, that he puts his foot down firmly with his siblings and says me and wife need some me time as its been full on these few months!!! And ils have tried to turn this to being about them etc...
I have a non-existent
I have a non-existent relationship with my MIL who is pretty harmless by herself. She's not an evil person by any means, but she is a selfish one.
And that selfishness creates drama where there doesn't need to be drama, then it drags DH or I into it. And that drama tends to be with BM, and it always costs something.
So, set the boundary with MIL. Don't wait until the weekend for her to come up with a million arguments to shut you down. Call her tonight and tell her how it's going to be because this is YOUR shower and YOUR baby and YOUR time and YOUR sanity and YOUR family life that you have to live through daily and YOUR body. Make it abundantly clear that crossing this line will severely limit her time with you, and by extension the new baby, so she better choose wisely. If she refuses to abide, you don't show up to that baby shower, or you immediately leave if BM/SD show up.
You also need to put DH in his place. I understand a spouse being depressed (DH and I have both been there), but at some point a foot has to be planted (figuratively) up a backside and the person with depression has to make changes. It's entirely unfair to the spouse to wallow in it and not seek help or guidance. Yes, everyone will have low points with mental health, but not addressing it is problematic. Your DH needs to be made aware that it's problematic, that you can't fix it, that you have enough going on to worry about, and if his only contribution is going to be to make things worse then he can go back to his mommy who can lick his wounds. He's about to have a newborn baby that will need his love and attention, and pining after his teen daughter only hurts you and his new child. He can be upset, but by god, he has to FUNCTION.
He nor MIL nor SD are the most important people right now. You are. You are in the home stretch of a 9 month project, and these fools need to be putting your comfort and needs first for a little while. Even if things were great with SD, and COVID wasn't a concern, you'd still be just as inportant. Don't let people take that away from you. You don't need to be center of the universe, but you deserve far more respect than just being the vessel for the next coming of the family Christ.
There are times I am sorry I
There are times I am sorry I only get to like a post once
What fresh hell ...
... is this? Admittedly I have not been following this saga, so know nothing of the details, but seriously?
Please take the advice of those telling you to find some excuse (false labor) to miss the planned event. Personally, I wouldn't even give these people the courtesy of a lame excuse (false labor) for my absence. They'd be lucky if I was even there day of to flip them the bird. But I'm contrary like that.
Also co-sign that you really need to put your MIL in her place--firmly, absollutely, unequivocally--if, as is likely, your DH won't.
I can relate to this. I didn
I can relate to this. I didn't want MIL to throw me a bridal shower (she was only inviting her friends who I hadn't met, yet) and then said that I appreciated the thought, but requested that her friends not bring gifts. After sending that message to MIL, I got a frantic text from DH telling me that I had to let his mother throw me a shower. This has repeated itself in multiple situations where MIL has managed to make my events all about her. She even managed to make my father's unexpected passing all about her, which was quite a feat.
DH and I will be adding a baby to our family in the next few months, but so far MIL has not made any moves to throw a shower. Maybe she has soured on me, because I avoid her, but I doubt it. I'm waiting for her to basically try to organize something that will be all about herself. I doubt she will invite BM. DH has already told her that he has been ready to cut her off several times due to her meddling with BM. My Skids are both boys, so MIL (being a traditionalist when it comes to gender roles) would likely not even think to invite them anyway.
DH tells me stories about MIL that blow my mind when it comes to boundary-busting. I'm not sure why he and his siblings have put up with it for so long, but I suppose, they don't know any better.