You are here

OT More MIL Drama

CastleJJ's picture

I have posted about my MIL before. For backstory, MIL met and married FIL and told FIL that she didn't want anymore kids because she already had my two BILs with her ex husband. Well FIL wanted kids so they had DH. MIL told FIL that DH was his responsibility and basically, since she didn't want him, he's not her problem to deal with. MIL and FIL divorced almost 10 years ago. FIL and DH are very close, but DH and MIL barely talk. MIL has always preferred BILs. BILs always give DH crap about his poor relationship with MIL, blaming him for not trying hard enough to be a part of the family, even though MIL puts in no effort to have a relationship with DH. MIL appears to hate me, and I can only assume it is because I took her "baby boy" away and she's insecure. 

DH and I have always been forthcoming with MIL. We invite MIL over every time SS visits and every time she declines. We have invited her over for dinners, family get togethers, birthdays, etc. and every time she says "No" and gives some dumb excuse. We talk to and/or see MIL a few times per year. When we moved across the state, MIL refused to visit because we lived with my parents and MIL hated the idea of being in "their" zip code. She has some beef with my parents, yet has only met them once and they have been nothing but kind to her. DH and I have tried to keep MIL involved in the pregnancy. We told her the news, told her the gender, sent ultrasound pictures, and video footage of doppler sounds. She barely responded.

Two days ago, DH texted her to tell her about us buying a house. She made a comment that she wishes she lived closer so she could babysit the baby when baby arrives. DH told MIL she is always welcome to (he was calling her bluff, knowing she would decline). Sure enough, she made up an excuse why she can't and changed the subject. Yesterday, MIL texts DH saying that it is a family tradition to buy the baby a crib. DH told MIL that we appreciated the offer but already bought a nursery set months ago because due to COVID shipping delays, it would take 5 to 6 months to arrive. She got mad and then never responded to another message. My Mom mailed out baby shower invites two days ago. Now my Mom isn't hosting this shower alone, DH's SM is also hosting and they get along great. MIL never expressed any interest in participating because she doesn't want to be around my Mom. Tonight, MIL emails DH and says "apparently you are having a baby shower next month and I still haven't received my invite." DH just told her that they were only mailed out two days ago, so it is on its way. MIL got mad and said her friend already received hers, trying to indicate that she believes me and/or my Mom maliciously left her off the guest list. MIL's friend also rudely emailed my Mom her RSVP, letting my Mom know that MIL is her best friend and that my Mom is "lucky to have such a wonderful person in our baby's life" and telling my Mom that she will be bringing MIL "as her guest," again indicating that we left MIL off the guest list. 

I am so over this woman. She keeps telling others that there is a family feud between her and DH, yet she has never expressed it and can't tell anyone what it is. DH said there has never been an issue to his knowledge. This woman legit hates me and I have no idea why. I have done nothing but love and support her son and her grandson (SS). I have supported DH both emotionally and finanically through job layoffs, court battles, family deaths, etc. What the hell is wrong with her?! 

Comments

SeeYouNever's picture

I think some people enjoy being unhappy. My MIL isn't so evil but she does like to be pitiful to get attention like yours (though different reasons). I don't understand how anyone would want to be pitied, even for attention. 

It's probably like she was with your DH as a child, by never showing him acceptance he would constantly try to please her. This continues now by causing this vague feud, she wants you all to treat her special and try to please her. 

 

strugglingSM's picture

Maybe it's time for your DH to just drop the rope with his mother. I know that's difficult, but she seems like a toxic person to say the least, even extending her an invite to all these things and trying to include her feels like it must be exhausting.

CastleJJ's picture

I think he is struggling with that step, because outside of MIL, he is close with the rest of his family and he doesn't want to alienate all of them too. MIL just has this victim/inferiority complex and its so annoying. BIL was talking with DH last night about it and BIL said something similar happened to them when MIL didn't get a thank you card fast enough following their bridal shower. MIL called up and said she was never going to another event for them if she wasn't going to be properly thanked. It had been one week since the event. 

justmakingthebest's picture

She sounds like she just wants to take up space in people's heads. 

Count your blessings that she isn't near by and remember that YOU don't have to deal with her at all. Leave it to your DH from now on and just have a solid relationship with your FIL and His wife for your in-law and grandparents to your baby!

CastleJJ's picture

See, I let DH have whatever relationship he wants with his Mom. It's not my problem and I don't want to be involved in it, but she keeps bathmouthing me to others and then others are getting involved directly, like MIL's BFF, so it's tricky. DH is going to have a conversation with MIL and BFF and tell them that if they can't stop their drama, they are uninvited.