The real problem for me, and my marriage for that matter is that my wife idolizes this girl.  My wife put her first in every situation.  Date night, if SD texts or calls, plans change.  If SD says she's going to not spend the night with her boyfriend and 'grace' us with her prensence, everything goes out the window,  The wife turns on all the lights, cleans up SD's room, turns down her bed, etc etc.  Any plans that the wife and I have or had are compltely abandoned. 

My wife texts this girl 24/7. begging her to come home, go out to dinner with us, come to the movies with us and on and on.  My wife is OBSESSED with her.  It's so unhealthy!!!

I honestly don't know if I can take it anymore.  I love my wife, but hate my SD.  Unfortunately, my wife positions SD as a package deal.  I tell her that's not normal, but all Im met with is anger and scorn.

So yesterday was my birthday.  Wife askes me what I would like to do.  I reply a nice dinner and then cake at home.  Of course in my mind (and i'm willing to bet in alot of other 'normal' married adult minds) that means a nice romantic dinner, just her and I.  Well in my wife's mind OF COURSE  the SD (one I dispise) should be included as well as her boyfriend.  Now in my head, I'm thinking one, I can't stand this girl, and two, she's 19 and generally always gone spending the night at her boyfriend's house (for which I say, do it more!!  lol) and most importantly, she's not my daughter so why would I really want her coming along.  Of course I dare not say this to my wife for fear of her screaming at me that Im a horrible awful person for not loving SD.  So I tried to politely say, "I really would rather have a romantic evening with my wife, and I really can't affor to be taking a big group out to dinner".  Well, that was it!  I was met with a screaming psychotic episode where I was called every horrible name under the sun, told i was so "mean and nasty" towards SD and that I was a POS for not 'loving' SD.

I hate the idea of a second divorce in my life, but sadly, I feel as if the options are quickly narrowing.  Im sorry I didnt marry SD!  Yes, she is my wife's daughter, but that doesn't mean I have to spend my life catering to SD's every whim and desire.

So it gets even better....after dinner, we go home for cake.  SD, as usual, shows up late, in grubby old sweats and looking like she had been sleeping all day, or hung over to the gills.  While I'm opening my gifts, SD starts telling her mom what SHE wants for her birthday!  Mind you her birthday is a month away.  SD then proceeds to tell us that she wants a trip to Hawaii!  The sad thing is im sure my wife will try to give it to her.  SHe's already said, "oh, SD wants to go to Disneyland, so we need to plan that".  PATHETIC!!!

Ive been disengaging like many here have suggested. I will acknowledge SD when she come home with a “hi” but that’s it. My skin literally crawls when i hear her car pull into the driveway. Every minute this girl is around me I feel like im going to be sick. I honestly cannot stand even five minutes around her. The absolute stupidity that comebout of this girls mouth is baffling. The sad part is my wife actually brags about how “well” SD is doing!  Wife is clearly living in a fantasy world.

This girl doesnt even go to school and the proof is she left her email open on my computer and ive seen loads of emails from SD to her instructors on how she “has an upset tummy”!  This girl is supposedly in college albeit junior college and she’s acting like shes in kindergarten!

She lies to her mom about working all the time too. I drive around town alot for work and on numerous occasions where Mom has said “oh shes working so hard today” or “shes really busy at school”. Ive noticed her car is not at her work, not at her Jr. College, but yes, at her boyfriends house where tweedle dumb abd tweedle dumber lie jn bed all day eating and sleeping. Meanwhile Mom continues to tell me how “hard she’s (SD) working”. What a joke!  And im expected to pay for her car insurance, when she crashes her car and needs repairs, have her stop by MY house whenever she wants and be rewarded woth food and to top it off wife takes MY money, I earned and secretly gives cash to SD. 

As i stated above, ive never flat out told wife how much I despise SD, but honestly each and every day it gets harder. I keep being attacked for “pushing her away” because i dont overly and inappropriately smother her with affection and attention as wife does (its actually sickening to see how my wife is obsessed with this girl and treats her like shes 5).  I am trying to just stay strong and detached but its getting harder and harder as my wife attacks me for it more and more. 

I guess im at a loss. I know divorce is probably a very smart decision at this point but short of that do i just keep my mouth shut and suck it up or just come out and say point blank, yes, I hate SD and if thst doesn’t work for you theres the door....

So here we go again, SD had a text fight with her Mom last night and has said she's moving out again, to which I say, AWESOME!!  I actually got into an argument with my wife, because I told her that she needs to distance herself from that stupid dumb ignorant conceited lying sorry excuse of a daughter of hers.  Of course I didnt say those words to her mom, my wife, but they are spot on for this girl.  The problem that I can already tell that SD, in her usual manupitulative ways will get what she wants from Mom.  SD wants to quit her job so she can even be more lazy than she already is and of course have her Mom, in other words, me, support her even more (I know that her mom, my wife secretely gives her money now).  So last night SD texts her mom that shes done having a relationship with her.  I said to my wife, "then cut her off, completely".  Of course my wife says, "yes, you're right" but already this morning my wife is texting her, "Mommy misses you", etc etc.

I honestly just wish this loser girl would move far far away with her loser boyfriend, and I never have to even hear her name again!

An update to my life with stupid aka SD.

To my delight, Stupid/SD spends most of the evenings at her idiot boyfriends, to which I say great.  However, I've seen my wife's texts to SD and it's absolutely nauseating.  Numerous texts to SD throughout the day with such drivel as "mommy misses you", "please come home tonight", etc etc.  Every day DW makes dinner for SD and of course (to my delight) she never shows up!  I keep telling DW that I'm not going to be having an on demand restaurant for SD.  To which DW says, "you're right", but then DW continues to do the same thing day in and day out.  Of course SD shows up when she wants something, food, money, etc.and despite my objections, DW always gives her whatever she wants.

Stupid/SD went and quit her job because, "they wanted me to work too many hours", and despite her claims that she's going to school full time at the local community college, I've never seen her do anything but sleep or sit on her phone.  When she does enter my house, she's instantly doted on by DW.  She lays around eating my food, laying on my couch, turning on all the lights and the TV, and then leaves again for her boyfriends.  Now don't get me wrong, I love that she leaves, but I just wish she never came in the first place!!

Despite her claims to the contrary, I know DW is giving this loser money, money that I work hard for (DW refuses to get a job beyond a 4 hour a week basically volunteer job).  I've told DW I refuse to support SD to which I get the response, "well, she's MY child and I won't kick her out".  I've responded, "no, she's not a kid, she's 19 and I'm not going to have her freeloading off my dime."  Of course, DW just gives her money behind my back.

Now today, Stupid/SD is getting her wisdom teeth removed, and OMG you should see my DW, she's going to be doting on her like you've never seen.  DW has already put flowers and snacks and drinks in her room, hung up signs with "get well" on her walls.  It's SICKENING!!!  DW idolizes this loser and it makes my stomach turn.  Of course, SD will turn on her usual drama.  I know i'm in for a weekend of SD crying and moaning about how she "doesn't feel good" and "I need to see a doctor".  She's a drama queen 24/7, and the saddest part is DW caters to it.  I know DW will bend over backwards to spoil this little leach. I'm already sick in anticipation!!!  It's so over the top, and I primarily blame DW for enabling!

I know leaving is always an option, but it's a tough idea to swallow.  On the other hand, thinking of this being my life for much longer is not a sustainable situation either.  I know this little loser will be catered to, taken care of, spoiled, etc etc forever.  I honestly can see this "kid" living in my home, lying on the couch and sleeping with no job, etc when she's 40.

I just wish she would marry her boyfriend and they would move far far away and be out of my life forever!  Of course, I know DW would probably want to move where ever SD did!

I know the ultimate solution is probably divorce and just removing me from the situation, but in the meantime, I feel like i'm going to go crazy.  This "kid" is so annoying, so stupid and so lazy it's pathetic, but DW acts like she's the golden child.  I'm at the end of my rope....

Just as I suspected, this weekend has been filled with over the top DRAMA from Stupid/SD.  As I predicted, SD has been walking around the house, moaning, sobbing, throwing herself on the floor begging for vicodin.  Now mind you the dentist said the vicodin was only perscribed as an EMERGENCY measure meaning excruciating pain.  He also cautioned that a sign of a drug user is if the child begs for the narcotics!  Now, you may ask how I know that shes not really in excrucuating pain?  Well, SD is so stupid that she thinks she's so crafty.  I hear her in her room talking to her boyfriend like shes totally fine.  In fact, they are talking about how they are excited about thei new "inhaling implement" aka bong!  Then she walks out to where we are and all of a sudden turns on the moping, sobing, moaning, etc.  It's/she's PATHETIC!  Of course Mom/DW laps it up!!!  She's spent all weekend doting on this loser, constantly asking her "honey are you ok??" and "mommy loves you and is here for you". I'm going to be sick!

So my wife and I go out this evening to run a errand.  We come home and guess who's home, that's right SD/Stupid.  She's parked her POS dented up car (from her at least 5 that we know of accidents) in MY driveway, where my wife parks.  Now mind you, Ive told my wife I don't want SD parking in the driveway.  As I stated, the driveway is for people that actually PAY to live here.  Then we walk in the door, and there she is eating my food!

I'm so sick of this girl!  I can't stand the sight of her, her voice, everything about her.  I was rerally annoyed at how she feels free to just come and go as she pleases and raid my refrigerator at will!  She's such an entitled little idiot!  Of course, as discussed prevously here, DW encourages it by always telling "her little angel" that "it will always be her home and she's welcome to anything".  It makes me want to puke!

So needless to say, I was not happy.  I put the things away that we bought, and did my usual disengaged/ignoring of SD.  Of course, DW says out loud, "aren't you going to say hi to SD?" and shot me a look like talk to her!  I said aloud, "yes, I can see she's here, but you dont need to act so awkward, she's not a child".  To which I got the dirty look and I know the texts and comments are shortly coming.

I just wish this "kid" would go away!!!!  Im sure there are those who would say Im just mean, but Ive just had it up to here with this girl.  She's an adult now and I don't want her around!  I didn't sign up to be married to my wife AND her stupid loser daughter.  Uggggggg

I'm about to have a meltdown.  So DW and I spent a nice day together.  It's been an extremely crazy busy week and I definately was looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend with DW.  The day was going along nicely, lunch, and we were talking about doing something fun tonight, and having a romantic evening.  So we come home from lunch and took a nap.  DW woke up before me and was in the family room.  I wake up, come out to the family room, and guess whos there?  That's right Stupid/SD.  My mood sinks instantly!

Then DW says to me, "what do you want to do with SD tonight?".  I was appauled!  "Date night" out the window yet again, because this little stupid needy daughter of hers decides to "grace" us with her precence. I guess her stupid boyfriend must be out with his buddeis tonight, so now we're stuck with her.

I'm ready to explode!  It's taking everything I have from not telling DW that I HATE SD and am NOT spending the evening with her.  It actually disgusts me that DW actually thinks it's ok.  I had to come here and vent!

Do I stand my ground and just ignore SD as usual and tell DW, I'm not doing anything?  Suck it up?  Etc etc?

So last night I ended up watching football with some friends.  While I didn’t come out and officially say it, I hope DW got the message loud and clear, if she wants to spend the evening with SD/Stupid, it will be without me. 

It just keeps getting either worse or comical, I don’t know what to call it anymore. Tonight we are just about ready to go to bed and the door opens up. It’s 10:30 at night and here comes Stupid and her boyfriend. They walk in, immediately start making food from my refrigerator, running the blender and SD/Stupid starts doing her laundry!  While I sit there in disbelief at the gall of this girl, of course DW is all smiles and keeps saying “oh honey (SD) do you need me to do anything for you?”  I got so sick of seeing one DW doting on stupid and two disgusted by the fact that this idiot thinks it’s okay to show up late on a work night and start doing her laundry and eat my food. Of course saying anything to DW is pointless since she’ll just yell at me that “this is SD’s home forever and she’s always welcome!”

So yesterday DW and I had a big blow up. She went, without even consulting me and put four new tires, had washed and cleaned, filled with gas, bought a bunch of groceries for SD that’s at college (the one I like) and as usual BEGGED her to come home for a “special dinner”. Well when all was said and done, DW had spent over $600!!!  I was livid. Of course SD/Stupid is also begged by mommy to come home for dinner and of course she’s always ready to sponge of us.  The sight and sound of Stupid/SD just made my bad day that much worse. 

I told DW I wasn’t up for the cute little family night she arranged and that I had paperwork to do (which I really did). Of course today I get from DW that, “you need to treat the girls like your own and love on them and spend time with them.”  Well of course she’s referring to Stupid because I’m fine with he older one. I am not interested in spending any time with her. Everything about her makes my skin crawl!  I really feel like just flat out telling DW that I’ve done my time. They are adults and I will choose if I want to be around them, which of course I’ll take the older one in small doses but refuse to be around the younger one (stupid). I haven’t said that yet, but it’s what I want to say. Of course DW will tell me it’s a package deal. Especially Stupid because I’m all honestly that’s the one she cares about. 

I wish DW could just accept the fact that I am not their father, certainly don’t want to be for the younger one, and I’m not interested in any kind of relationship with her.  I’m not telling DW she can’t have a relationship with Stupid, but just don’t include me.

Thoughts?  Recommendations? Advice?

Im still not sure what triggered it but I came home from work tonight and DW was loaded for bear. She started this crazy ranting and raving attack on me that her “girls didn’t want to come home anymore because I wasn’t friendly” to them.   She went on to say that if I didn’t “knock it off” and start “loving on them” that she would treat MY daughter (12) “like s$&!”  Real nature, right?

Let me be clear.  I am never rude or "mean" to HER daughters.  As you can read earlier, I get along well with SD23 and am always pleasant to her.  I do have a problem with how entitled she is.  Its always something.  Money for rent, money for food, money for gas, and on and on.  It never ends and 'mommy' always says "she works so hard at school" to which I call BS since I know for a fact that shes ALWAYS out drinking/partying, but when I resist and say I'm not an ATM, I am called every name under the sun. I married my wife.  I did not sign up to be a father to her adult children nor support them for the rest of their lives. 

I do despise SD19, also for reasons explained earlier.  However, I am never "mean" nor "rude", I have simply decided to disengage from her over the last year.  I will say hi and bye, but Im not interested in hearing the verbal diahrea that comes out of this idiots' mouth.  So I simply either sit there and say nothing or just leave the room.

So after listening to this tirade go on and on about how awful I am and what a POS I am I finally had enough and said, “hmmmm, I put a roof over your heads, food on your plates (plus SD19's idiot boyfriend who's always over), gas in your cars (each girl has one), cell phones (nothing but top of the line for the princesses), insurance, etc etc and to top it off I’m paying for both of their college expenses (because their Bio Dad pays ZERO despite being very wealthy) and I’m awful???  DW refuses to get a real job and hides behind the fact that she can’t find a good job because she’s only “been a mom” (which of course in this economy is a joke because anyone that wants a job can easily find one, EVERYWHERE is hiring). 

I said your girls are NOT little kids anymore and yes I do have a problem with them always showing up at the house I pay for and eating the food I pay for, doing laundry with the supplies I pay for and giving nothing in return.  Whenever they are here, all they do is eat, sleep and make a mess.  No chores, they dont clean up after themselves, and get waited on hand and foot by mommy.  I said they are adults and need to start acting like it.  Being a parent in my world doesnt mean taking care of the kids in perpetiuity.  Of course there's the issue, Im NOT ALLOWED to have a parenting opinion that differ's from DW's.  What she says goes, and her idea of parenting is to encourage her kids to live off of us FOREVER.  They are a couple of entitled spoiled brats who always get what they want from mommy and I’ve had it!

So I got my answer. She said “my girls will ALWAYS come first to me and ALWAYS be welcome, and if you can’t accept that 100%, you can leave”. Funny, she doesn’t pay a dime towards rent, utilities, food, etc but I’m the one that can leave. 

I just might at that.....

You guys are probably getting sick of my tales of woe, but I feel like if I don’t have somewhere to vent, I’m going to implode. Thank goodness for this site!!

So the latest from DW is that she told me that “I know you weren’t raised in a normal family environment but you MUST start being WARM to my girls”. Hmmm so she’s insulting my parents and upbringing. For the record I had A GREAT upbringing, but my wife is one of those people that thinks that if someone doesn’t live EXACTLY like her and her parents, that they are in the wrong. She criticizes my parents and my childhood because we didn’t sit around and play games and hug and tel stories over dinner. Sorry dear, people are different and guess what I turned out just fine. 

I think it’s a new low to now attack my parents and sister as “cold” simply because they don’t sit around and incessantly gossip about relatives like DW and her parents. 

I have to ask, why is it incumbant upon me to change?  Why is her way the “right way” and my personality is the “wrong way”?  Her narcissistic parents are the same way. They sit on the phone daily with their prescription on how other people should live their lives. 

I’m sorry, I intensely dislike SD19 and am not going to be someone I’m not and sit and listen to the absolute stupidity that comes out of her mouth and act all warm and fuzzy to her. 

Am I out of line here?

Anorher perfect example at the over the top obsession DW has with SD19/Stupid.  So DW planned a weekend trip away with just us and another couple. Not that is would be super romantic with another couple, but at least it’s just us and another couple right?  So DW is super excited, making plans, etc. Then a couple of days before the trip, SD19 tells Mommy that her boyfriend will be out of town that weekend. Immediately DW shrieks, “oh honey, so you mean you’ll be ALL alone???”  To which SD19 puts on her poor me act with the doe eyes and says, “yes, and I’m really sad”. Of course, right on cue, DW says to Stupid, “do you want to come with us?”  You could hear my jaw hit the floor!  Not only is it incredibly PATHETIC, it’s inappropriate. DW is so wrong on how she views this child. It makes me sick.  So shortly after I said point blank to DW “this is an ADULT weekend, and if SD comes along, it will be without me and without my money.”  To which DW said “oh I’m only joking”. No she wasn’t....

So we did the adult weekend away this past weekend, but of course left a day later than planned because DW couldn't fathom the idea of Stupid/SD19 being left home alone.  Of course, SD19 announced late Friday night (we were supposed to lave Friday afternoon) that she would be spending the night at her friends.  I laughed becaue one, she doesnt really have any friends and two, I know (however DW would NEVER admit it even if it was right in front of her face) that SD19 was going to get stoned and drunk.  We left Saturday morning, and the whole weekend, DW is texting SD19 asking her,"are you ok???"  "do you need anything?" and "mommy loves you and misses you".  SICK!!!

Now just today DW tells me she wont be home for dinner because she has an event. She says im on my own, which is just fine by me. Now she just texts me saying SD19(Stupid) will “be home tonight so you guys can order a pizza.”  Doesn’t she get it???  I HATE this girl!!!  Indont want to even go home now!!!!!  I want to respond to DW “why is she going to be at MY house, what does she want now?”

Yes, thank goodness for this site where at least I can vent and hear that im not this awful horrible person DW tries to make me feel like. I have nobody else to talk to. She’s cut me off from my friends who, before DW and I started dating i was very close with. We all went to college together and DW doesnt allow me (she says I can do whatever I want, but I think everyone knows the truth) to associate with them because she thinks they are immature. She’s convinced that if I do say a guys weekend with them like i used to do annually, and they still do, that I will have relations with other women. (Ive never ever cheated or done anything remotely to wrong her).  She scours my email and texts daily looking for any sign that i’m “talking” to other women, even replying to SPAM messages saying “leave me alone, Im married” (Ive tried to explain the concept of spam to her to no avail).  Tracks my every move on find my friends. So needless to say secretly venting in this site is my only “safe” outlet. 

Another perfect example of how SD19/Stupid is a manipulative littje creature and how DW falls for it hook, line and sinker. The last couple of nights I come home from work and as I turn the corner my heart sinks. There’s Stupid’s car in the driveway. I dont even want to go into my own house. There she is sprawled out on the couch, watching my TV, eating my food and DW is waiting on her hand and food with the nauseating “what can mommy do for you?”  I took my dog into the garage and watched tv by myself. 

Of course i my mind, I know the truth SD wants something. Thats the only reason she comes around and of course mom is the sucker every time. So last night I asked DW, “what does she want now?”  DW snapped at me, “she’s here because this is her home and it always will be!”  I replied, “no, she lives with her boyfriend (which is wonderful as far as im concerned) and only comes around you when she wants something.”  

I got the glare from DW for daring to question her precious little angel’s intentions. Im honestly not sure if DW is really that naive or shes just in denial. 

Well a little later in the evening, DW left her phone out when she went to the restroom, and bam there it was!  Tons of texts from SD/Stupid saying “can i get money?”, “when xan i get the money?”  Of course, there’s DW’s replies, “of course honey”, “how much do you need honey”, “what can mommy buy for you honey?”

it makes me want to be sick!!!

So tonight, I was making dinner for DW and myself.  I was making salmon and had purchased enough for the two of us, as is usually the case.  Well 20 minutes before dinner was ready, SD19 (Stupid) decides to grace us with her presence (I guess the boyfriend is out with friends).  Of course, as usual, DW immediately begins doting on Stupid.  "What can Mommy do for you honey??"

Of course Stupid likes salmon, so expects to eat the dinner I was making.  I made a comment to DW that I hadn't planned on having three for dinner and I was not okay with SD just popping in whenever the mood struck her and expecting to be fed.  I said it's rude and inconsiderate.

Oh boy, did I catch holy hell!!  DW yelled and screamed at me that this house is SD's "home" and she will always be welcome to come and go as she pleases and is entitled to "anything she wants".

Hmmmm let's see, SD is an adult who lives with her boyfriend (except when she wants money or groceries or needs to do laundry).  DW says I'm "more like their Dad than their Bio Dad", and "we're a family" but Im not allowed to make rules or have expectations of common courtesy in the house I pay for and support with ZERO financial support from DW.  Let's see, generally BOTH parents have a say in how  their offspring conduct their lives with respect to the parents home and financial support.  However, in my case it appears that Im only to be the source of money without comment, input, opinion or feeling.