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Just wondering why the double standard, the age old question

littlemommy's picture

I am honestly feeling a lot better and really thinking that if MIL and FIL want to think that SD is queen of the world and that no one else matters that I am cool with that.

I just am still trying to get over the confusion. They seem to do anything they can to stay on BM's family's good side and when BM was with DH as his girlfriend they had their lips permanantly glued to her ass. I am DH WIFE, not just a baby mama who DH was unfortunate enough to knock up, our baby was planned, we are happy, and doing well. They act like I am the enemy and don't seem to care if they piss me off at all. Our son is also their grandchild just as much as SD, so why do they seem to not care if I hate their guts, when they try oh so hard to make things perfect for SD and stay so chummy with her mother's family?

I know that's the million dollar question but I really can't wrap my brain around it.

my.kids.mom's picture

Are they religious? My exh's parents were so flipping religious they couldn't get over the divorce (his first one).

littlemommy's picture

No they're not, they claim that they're Catholic, but they never go to church or anything. Plus DH was smart enough not to marry BM they were just screwing and partying and he got unlucky and knocked her up.

Dannee's picture

Do they treat your son differently from your SD???

Do they know why your SO and his GF broke up?
Are the living under false pretenses?

I would have to ask them and find out what is going on..

It is a million dollar ?....and they hold the answer...

Good Luck..

littlemommy's picture

Yes to all of the above. When DH and BM broke up they were mad at DH, THEIR SON, and took BM's side. BM acted like he was so bad and so mean to her, she had it so rough, staying at home with SD all day, sitting on her ass, not cleaning, cooking or doing anything except making a permanant butt mark on the couch basically.

They told him for a yr afterwards almost that he had really screwed up with her (the high school dropout) and that it was just one more dissappointment. Why he wants anything to do with them is beyond me, they suck as ppl.

Crush's picture

I haven't been through this but I think someday I'll face something similar. My inlaws hate my husbands ex. (They were never married either, they were even broke up when she found out she was pregnant) But aside from hating the BM they are crazy about my SD. I know she's their only grandkid but they let her walk all over them and spoil her rotten. Plus they've never even asked if we plan on having kids together or when. The only time they've referenced me having kids with their son is when we told them we were engaged and they said "Thank God you aren't pregnant"!!! Can you freaking believe that? I just know when we have kids they aren't going to treat them equally. Just thinking about it annoys me and fills me with dread beceause I know I'll lose it if my future kids aren't treated right!

midnyt's picture

I know how you feel crush, except MiL has tried to discourage her son to have any more kids (he only has the 1 with XW) and has even said to me and I quote "why dont you just get a dog".......

Crush's picture

Wow "why don't you just get a dog"?? I would probably lose it if that was said to me. I can't imagine trying to keep my cool after hearing that. To be honest even though it's been four years I still don't really like my inlaws over the thank god you're not pregnant thing but I feel like I would've been more hurt by the dog comment for some reason.

beyond pissed-off's picture

Do you like dogs? I would never suggest this if you were not actually "dog people" - which in NO WAY is mutually exclusive with being "child people"!!!!!!!! - but perhaps you should consider getting a dog and literally forcing it on them as their "grand dog." I am talking the whole deal - babysitting, insisting on presents, constant pictures and updates on their progress in going to the bathroom outside and learning to sit/stay. The works!!!!

Nothing I love more than giving people a taste of their own medicine!!!! And then go ahead and have children to your hearts' content. Damn - those people have NERVE!!!!!

Bex_S's picture

I think they're scared that if they piss off BM they can lose access to their grandchild, because she could just stop DH's access and theirs by reference. You're the 'sure thing'. You're in a secure marriage with your DH and your child with him is going nowhere; they won't feel like they have to pay lip-service to you to maintain a relationship with their grandchild, because it makes no difference whether you guys get on or not.