Just need to vent...
I am just so sick of FSD's negative attitude! She complains about everything! I will be in a pleasant mood and she just has to give her negative two cents about something to bring me down. I think it is BM's influence as well as BM's mom. They are both very negative people who look at the glass half empty, and I think this is rubbing off on FSD. I get so sick of it. It also sometimes hurts my feelings when it is about things that have to do with me. For instance she is a very picky eater. She is 10, so I know that is common. But I try really hard to think of meals that she will like or that she has eaten before when she is here. I try not to make something separate for her from what her dad and I eat. Tonight I made quessadillas and also served a little fruit cocktail with it. She was eating it and all was okay, but then she had to make a comment that the fruit cocktail is really not healthy. I have learned to let comments like this roll off my back rather than appease her with a response, but my FDH said "how do you know" and she said "thats what my mom told me" and he said "well how does she know" and she said "i don't know" and they got in this big discussion about what is healthy and what isn't and he was showing her how to read the label on food items, etc. Its great that she learn that stuff and see that we are health concious at our house, but I just wanted to say "WELL WHAT DID YOU MAKE FOR DINNER??" I mean its hard enough cooking for suck a picky girl! My FDH and I usually have salmon and veggies, but I know she wouldn't like that so I try to make semi-healthy things that she will eat. I really put effort and thought into it and I want FDH to correct her and tell her that she is being rude when she says things like that. She needs to know that her complaints can hurt people's feelings. Otherwise she is going to continue with her rudeness and she will have no friends. Im just sick of it. I feel like making her frickin PBJ from now on!!
Tell your FDH that its time
Tell your FDH that its time to teach her about tact...a 10 yr old should be learning these types of things. We had the same issue, but I've stopped catering my dinners to SS's tastes. I don't do it for my own son, I make him eat what I cook. If he doesn't like it, he doesn't eat. SS rarely eats when he is here because he doesn't like anything except chicken nuggets and will literally make himself puke if you make him eat. Oh well! He could stand to lose a few pounds! I guess its a good thing he only comes here once a year. BM and her kids eat sausage, chicken nuggests and speghetti o's all the time. And they're all overweight.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
bettermom
I had a very short 2nd marriage that came with a SS and SD. The SS was very spoiled (lived with his grandparents, long story) and found fault with everything I did. I cooked dinner one particular day, and SS, his dad and I were eating. SS make a smart remark about the dinner. Without batting an eye his dad snatched his plate out from under his nose, dumped the contents into the trash and told SS "I guess you're done...you can go to your room now."
Cured that real fast!
"That's what my mom told me"
Silly Bettermom,
I will tell you the same thing that I told another poster yesterday...
Don't you know by now that you, as the "lowly SM", are a complete and total idiot when it comes to all things child-related?
I'm surprised you can figure out how to put your own shoes on in the morning!
You should realize that when it comes to your SD, only her amazing and wonderful BM knows all about her precious child. You know s*#t. "ALL HAIL THE SBV!"
And if you happen to be RIGHT about something...
don't get a swelled head or anything- It must have been a fluke!
(sarcasm done)
--------------------
This is what you have to remember when it comes to your SD. You don't know anything. Amazing BM knows ALL.
So just ignore it and keep doing the things you do and don't even bother to challenge her when she makes those goofy statements. I always say to my SDs (especially the youngest, who drives me APE-S*#T with them),
"Well isn't THAT nice? But THIS is how we do it in THIS house."
And then I keep doing my own thing. And change the subject and go on my merry way. And if you can get away with it, it heps to start singing and dancing ala "Giselle" from the movie "Enchanted" to really drive the point home! }:-)
"Of course things worked out nicely for Carol Brady...she had a live-in maid and Mike's first wife was DEAD!"
read up on PAS
Maybe thats what your dealing with ?
Far as picky, I have picky Sk's who have been spoiled and lavished with expensive gifts for years now from cars to all the latest trendy new phones and every type of electronic toy under the sun. This is due to BM's attempt to prove what a good parent she is. lol
I know its all going to blow up in her face and it will be sooner than later.
How we handle it when asked for help in obtaining the object of their desire is just say no and ignore. Eventually they do stop crying and creating drama over it as they see it does no good.
Thanks everyone for your
Thanks everyone for your comments. I actually had a long talk last night with FH about this situation, and how I can't stand her negativity. He agreed that it stems from BM and that she is at BM's house 90% of the time as we have her EOW. Our impact on her life is small. He also agreed that the negativity and "know-it-all-ness" is really annoying to him too and vowed to call her out on it the next time she makes a snarky comment. Hopefully it works with her..
I like the idea of a negative-free environment as one of the house rules like dorothyparkerwannabe mentioned. I also understand about the difficulty of fighting off my own negative demons that FSD's negative attitude really doesn't help.
I think we need to talk to her about the importance of a positive attitude and call her on her negativity every time until it stops. She has to realize at 10 years old that she isn't pleasant to be around.