Skid doesn't like BM's BF
FSD seems to not like BM's bf. She'll ask if he's going to be there in the car or at BM's house and my s/o will say "yes" or "I don't know" and she'll just say she doesn't like her mom's bf and whine. S/O asks her why but she won't tell him, she just repeats that she doesn't like him. My S/O mentioned it to BM and her response was, "Well she says she doesn't like your gf, so I think she's just being three". BM is known for being a liar so I don't know if what she said is true. When I see my FSD she follows me around EVERYWHERE and prefers to play with me over her father. She imitates everything I do and she does things like get's really close to my face, like nose to nose, to tell me stuff. According to S/O's family she get's excited when she knows I'm coming to visit. She doesn't cry when I leave but my S/O will ask her if she thinks I should stay and the answer is always yes. As far as I know, she's never thrown a tantrum from the mere mention of me coming over.
The last two times FSD has gone to her mom's house she's pitched one. The first time BM and her BF came in his car to pick her up. She asked my S/O if her mom's bf was coming and he said yes and she cried and cried for like half an hour before they got there. When they got there, she continued to cry and her mom had to struggle to get her in the car. She hadn't had a nap that day so we chalked it up to her being tired. This past week BM was at work and sent her BF to pick FSD up by himself (this happens often). She stated again that she doesn't like him but didn't throw a fit she just whined Every time we ask her why she won't say.
S/O's mom and sister think he's abusing her but I honestly don't think he is. I think it may be a discipline thing or the fact that he's not her dad and her dad is a borderline Disney Dad. BM's BF has two kids of his own from a previous marriage and they're older than FSD so it might be that he doesn't put up with some of the things she does. I don't know how BM parents so it could be a number of things. If what BM said is true, about her saying she doesn't like me either, then maybe it's a loyalty thing.
Have any of you had this issue? I know a lot of you have SKIDs that don't like YOU but are there any who have skids that like YOU but not your s/o's ex's spouse?
My SD3 does the same thing.
My SD3 does the same thing. We usually let her know the day she is going to BM's that she will be leaving. She is okay with it usually. She often tells me, not FDH, that she doesn't like BM's BF. When I ask her why she just says 'he says mean stuff' (BM and her BF don't have the best relationship.) BM has left him in the middle of the night with SD and BM's son.
SD has also told me that BF slams doors and yells a lot. I think she is just afraid of him. I know BF doesn't abuse SD, i hope BM would leave if he was abusing SD, but who really knows.
I wish i could say it gets easier, but i honestly dont know if it does.
Just keep doing what your doing when you have SD. Thats really the best advice i can give.
I agree with MD and will add
I agree with MD and will add that you and FDH need to pay attention to look out for anything wrong with SD. I know you already do it but if any red flags pop up, and something doesn't seem right, then that needs to be addressed with BM (and BF).
It's hard to tell with a 3
It's hard to tell with a 3 yo... But in our case, I get along great with SD10 and we do stuff together all the time (just the two of us). SD does not like her stepdad (when asked she just says he's mean). BM married him 2 years ago, and he's always been an a&$ to SD and her two older half sisters. It's obvious he never wanted kids. Why he married a woman with 3 of them I'll never know.
IMO it's never fun to take skids back to BMs... Especially when the seem so much happier in your care. It does help lessen the blow if you tell SD that you'll be taking her back that day (and in our case the time as well).
Good luck!!!